D
Deleted member 21628
Kraken
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2022
- Posts
- 14,324
- Reputation
- 13,344
Ever since 2020 ive been tortured by my thoughts
Absolutely mentally eviscaretad
Castrated
Words cant describe the mental torment ive been trhu on daily basis cause of this
24/7 non stop
Cortisol. Inadequacy. Emasculation. Feeling powerless, pathetic, undesired, overlooked, incapable, incompetent..
AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF RAGE
Broken knuckles.. breaking shit around me..
Countless fights with my family due to this that have gone srs. Got me almost kicked out the house..
All of this been strongly and directly related with my oneitis
For the longest time i havent even tried getting over it thinking that id get the opportunity to change this in the future (since the biggest reason to me not being able to have her was simply cuz of us not being around each other AT ALL.. i mean back in the day she used to oneitis me but i didnt care)
But it never happend.. its just how it was.. i never got to be around her again like that..
Now its just self torture for me to be holding on to it for so long
I keep seeing her insta posts thru a fake insta i created under someone elses name ( so shed accept my request) that i keep deactivated so she dont see it
Its been source of so many cortisol spikes for me... she dont even post much.. and when she does its nothing crazy but i still cant help
I can take seeing her being in different countries.. LIVING HER LIFE.. at dinners.. different places.. being with her faghot ugly curry boyfriend.. i just cant.. it fucks with me too fucking much.. but then also i cant even change anything at this point
Theees two more years of uni left.. which theoretically still means that there are opportunities remaining.. at a party or somewhere where id be in the same space as her.. AS THIS HAS NEVER FUCKING OCCURED EVER besides the first sem..
But given how rarely and briefly ive seen her in the past
I dont even know..
I think i should unfollow her on that insta acc..
And step by step conciously stop thinking about her.. checking her shit..
i Just wanna be free of this shit
Its like fucking cancer
But i dunno yet
Absolutely mentally eviscaretad
Castrated
Words cant describe the mental torment ive been trhu on daily basis cause of this
24/7 non stop
Cortisol. Inadequacy. Emasculation. Feeling powerless, pathetic, undesired, overlooked, incapable, incompetent..
AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF RAGE
Broken knuckles.. breaking shit around me..
Countless fights with my family due to this that have gone srs. Got me almost kicked out the house..
All of this been strongly and directly related with my oneitis
For the longest time i havent even tried getting over it thinking that id get the opportunity to change this in the future (since the biggest reason to me not being able to have her was simply cuz of us not being around each other AT ALL.. i mean back in the day she used to oneitis me but i didnt care)
But it never happend.. its just how it was.. i never got to be around her again like that..
Now its just self torture for me to be holding on to it for so long
I keep seeing her insta posts thru a fake insta i created under someone elses name ( so shed accept my request) that i keep deactivated so she dont see it
Its been source of so many cortisol spikes for me... she dont even post much.. and when she does its nothing crazy but i still cant help
I can take seeing her being in different countries.. LIVING HER LIFE.. at dinners.. different places.. being with her faghot ugly curry boyfriend.. i just cant.. it fucks with me too fucking much.. but then also i cant even change anything at this point
Theees two more years of uni left.. which theoretically still means that there are opportunities remaining.. at a party or somewhere where id be in the same space as her.. AS THIS HAS NEVER FUCKING OCCURED EVER besides the first sem..
But given how rarely and briefly ive seen her in the past
I dont even know..
I think i should unfollow her on that insta acc..
And step by step conciously stop thinking about her.. checking her shit..
i Just wanna be free of this shit
Its like fucking cancer
But i dunno yet
