
Orc
diagnosed autist
Staff
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2022
- Posts
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that sounds harsh but it's true, a lot of people in this place have the idea that if they just correct the slope of their nose, carve a jawline out of bone, or cut fat on their face they'll finally be someone worth liking, but that's not the reality, the thing nobody tells you is that a good face doesn't come with a good personality, and people can tell, almost instantly.
your personality, the way you talk, the way you connect, your presence, is mostly baked in by the time you're old enough to realize something's wrong, it's not a matter of 'working on it' or 'changing your mindset', when people recommend these things what they mean is that you should mask your actual character, you'll still feel the same way underneath, rehearsing social cues, faking warmth, polishing your trauma into something more palatable, all so that others don't have to put effort into understanding you.
but at the end of the day, that mask still isn't you.
if you grew up weird, isolated, neglected, or neurodivergent, or you're just naturally low on whatever invisible social currency your culture values, you'll carry that with you long after the filler settles, or the swelling goes down, you'll still default to silence, still overanalyze every interaction, still feel like you're acting, because you are.
people say 'just be yourself', but that only works if 'yourself' is someone people naturally like, most of us here learned early that being ourselves just means more distance, more silence, and more rooms that go cold, and yeah being prettier might get you invited, but it won't get you included, you'll still be the same person at the table, just with a sharper chin and a bit more definition around the cheekbones.
and that disconnect is brutal.
you keep waiting for the dopamine to show up, for your new face to unlock part of you that feels like you belong, but it does not and will not, you're still sitting inside yourself, watching life happen around you, you might get more compliments, maybe even some attention, but you're not loved, you're not understood, you're just easier to look at while being ignored.
the truth is, you can dissolve fat, fill hollows, widen jawlines, and raise brow positions, but none of that changes the parts of you that were shaped in silence, the parts you learned to hide, the parts that felt wrong before you even knew why.
you can rebuild your face, but not the way people respond to who you are underneath it.
the reality is that I am just as unlovable on the right as on the left.
your personality, the way you talk, the way you connect, your presence, is mostly baked in by the time you're old enough to realize something's wrong, it's not a matter of 'working on it' or 'changing your mindset', when people recommend these things what they mean is that you should mask your actual character, you'll still feel the same way underneath, rehearsing social cues, faking warmth, polishing your trauma into something more palatable, all so that others don't have to put effort into understanding you.
but at the end of the day, that mask still isn't you.
if you grew up weird, isolated, neglected, or neurodivergent, or you're just naturally low on whatever invisible social currency your culture values, you'll carry that with you long after the filler settles, or the swelling goes down, you'll still default to silence, still overanalyze every interaction, still feel like you're acting, because you are.
people say 'just be yourself', but that only works if 'yourself' is someone people naturally like, most of us here learned early that being ourselves just means more distance, more silence, and more rooms that go cold, and yeah being prettier might get you invited, but it won't get you included, you'll still be the same person at the table, just with a sharper chin and a bit more definition around the cheekbones.
and that disconnect is brutal.
you keep waiting for the dopamine to show up, for your new face to unlock part of you that feels like you belong, but it does not and will not, you're still sitting inside yourself, watching life happen around you, you might get more compliments, maybe even some attention, but you're not loved, you're not understood, you're just easier to look at while being ignored.
the truth is, you can dissolve fat, fill hollows, widen jawlines, and raise brow positions, but none of that changes the parts of you that were shaped in silence, the parts you learned to hide, the parts that felt wrong before you even knew why.
you can rebuild your face, but not the way people respond to who you are underneath it.
the reality is that I am just as unlovable on the right as on the left.
