BigJimsWornOutTires
Kraken
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Winning the lottery, specifically a jackpot, should make anyone climax on themselves. After all, winning millions of dollars could make all your dreams come true, and ugh, pussy galore. Right? Unfortunately, things don't always work out the way we anticipate. And some people shouldn't have money in the first place. There's a reason why we have homeless shelters. It's for people who shouldn't be living in homes.
Today, in 2036, we look back at the stories of tragedy because of lottery.
Henry Butler Bruce Sr. won a $621 million jackpot on April 16, 2028. But, by 2031, he was broke and choked. Literally, a hooker he paid to choked him to death. At that time, he was down to 39 million dollars, later split among his twelve ex-wives and twenty children.
Millie CC Carter won 267 million dollars in 2033. She then wasted it on Gofundme donations and Google advertising for her MicroTube channel, which mainly was her babbling about her exes and yeast infections. She sadly died in 2035, two years later, from hanging herself after her cameo appearance on a special edition of Naked and Afraid: Run, Children, Run. It was the short-lived spinoff where we saw rich naked weirdos surviving for 40 days in Cambodia without touching children. By the second week, 20 of the 21 contestants were arrested and jailed for failing. The remaining one, Millie, would commit suicide while waiting to testify against those 20.
Kelly Noyb, a New Yorker, was homeless at a shelter on Staten Island when she hit a $2.5 billion jack-o-pot in 2027 on October 30. It was the first record win ever on Halloween.
However, Noyb's bank account quickly ran dry after she invested large sums in newly created cryptocurrency that started at one million dollars per share. The company convinced her this would be the currency above all currency, and she will become an elite and ruler of the world. After investing 1.5 billion dollars, the company vanished, and since its cryptocurrency, law enforcement isn't allowed to investigate. So she got fucked like Chuck, and today, she's living in another homeless shelter in Florida. Ugh. That's so fucked up.
Lil G.G 'Pop-Pop-Pop' McCoy Hankles, a manlet from Ohio, won a $173 million share of a record of 3.8 billion jackpot in 2024 and got on the ball, spending large sums for leg extension surgeries, jaw expansions, nose jobs, muscle implants (botox,) and penis enlargement.
Three years later, he was broke and still living in his mother's basement, hooked on pain killers and myriad prescription drugs for infections, diseases, and cancers caused by those surgeries. He's also impotent and says, "What I wouldn't give to see my dick hard again. I trusted those rich people! I gave them all my money to be a Chad, and look where it got me! I can't get erections. I'm constantly in pain. Every day, a new infection I've to deal with. Tons of medical bills. And the worst of it all, no pussy."
And finally, Big Jim's Worn Out Tire Sale [sic], yes, that's his legal name, won the 6th largest jackpot in 2022 of 1.4 billion dollars. But instead of buying mansions, luxury cars, private jets, or investing in future growth and prosperity, he hired a dream team of lawyers and sued the IRS for taking their share. For some odd reason, the IRS was prepared for that as they had their Overlord block the suit and tried publically embarrassing Big Jim, claiming he was retarded and shouldn't be allowed money and perhaps, have a trustee manage his funds. But Big Jim's lawyers fought back but lost, and sadly, the IRS kept their share as they laughed together on an island beach, sipping tropical drinks and sampling the local sex trade industry at his expense.
He then sued Hollywood for all that faggot shit, but that, too, was chortled and turned down. Finally, he tried to sue Webster's dictionary for discriminating against his word suggestion. Licomenuts - a roastie that licks men's testicles. But that too was thrown out. However, the Urban dictionary honored it later. So there was a happy conclusion.
He then sued his lawyers for losing those cases and the various judges for not favoring his suits. Finally, he tried suing jury members but ugh. You can't do that.
In 2029, he squandered 200 million dollars on an adult network streaming app named after himself. The content was primarily disturbing pornography, but his series, a game show, called 'How Far Can You Go On My Tires?' was the main focus or, as he considered it, "The cream of the crop, baby." Unfortunately, it only lasted one episode after several contestants lost their lives from driving fast on bald tires. The families later sued him, and he counters sued for 100 times greater, claiming, "If the drugmakers can do this, why can't I?" He later lost and had to pay out 300 million dollars.
By 2036, Big Jim had a hundred million dollars left and was living in a storage unit sleeping in his feces. We asked him why not use that money and get a condo or house, but he Ugh us and replied, "I'm suing you for interrupting my sleeping in feces evening."
After that interview, he finally departed that shithole and invested the rest of his hundred million dollars in time travel. And as you can see, he succeeded because, well, how the fuck else could you be reading this article from the future? Duh. Anyway, I'm off to play the lottery. Hmm. I wonder if I'll get lucky?
Time travel mog.
Today, in 2036, we look back at the stories of tragedy because of lottery.
Henry Butler Bruce Sr. won a $621 million jackpot on April 16, 2028. But, by 2031, he was broke and choked. Literally, a hooker he paid to choked him to death. At that time, he was down to 39 million dollars, later split among his twelve ex-wives and twenty children.
Millie CC Carter won 267 million dollars in 2033. She then wasted it on Gofundme donations and Google advertising for her MicroTube channel, which mainly was her babbling about her exes and yeast infections. She sadly died in 2035, two years later, from hanging herself after her cameo appearance on a special edition of Naked and Afraid: Run, Children, Run. It was the short-lived spinoff where we saw rich naked weirdos surviving for 40 days in Cambodia without touching children. By the second week, 20 of the 21 contestants were arrested and jailed for failing. The remaining one, Millie, would commit suicide while waiting to testify against those 20.
Kelly Noyb, a New Yorker, was homeless at a shelter on Staten Island when she hit a $2.5 billion jack-o-pot in 2027 on October 30. It was the first record win ever on Halloween.
However, Noyb's bank account quickly ran dry after she invested large sums in newly created cryptocurrency that started at one million dollars per share. The company convinced her this would be the currency above all currency, and she will become an elite and ruler of the world. After investing 1.5 billion dollars, the company vanished, and since its cryptocurrency, law enforcement isn't allowed to investigate. So she got fucked like Chuck, and today, she's living in another homeless shelter in Florida. Ugh. That's so fucked up.
Lil G.G 'Pop-Pop-Pop' McCoy Hankles, a manlet from Ohio, won a $173 million share of a record of 3.8 billion jackpot in 2024 and got on the ball, spending large sums for leg extension surgeries, jaw expansions, nose jobs, muscle implants (botox,) and penis enlargement.
Three years later, he was broke and still living in his mother's basement, hooked on pain killers and myriad prescription drugs for infections, diseases, and cancers caused by those surgeries. He's also impotent and says, "What I wouldn't give to see my dick hard again. I trusted those rich people! I gave them all my money to be a Chad, and look where it got me! I can't get erections. I'm constantly in pain. Every day, a new infection I've to deal with. Tons of medical bills. And the worst of it all, no pussy."
And finally, Big Jim's Worn Out Tire Sale [sic], yes, that's his legal name, won the 6th largest jackpot in 2022 of 1.4 billion dollars. But instead of buying mansions, luxury cars, private jets, or investing in future growth and prosperity, he hired a dream team of lawyers and sued the IRS for taking their share. For some odd reason, the IRS was prepared for that as they had their Overlord block the suit and tried publically embarrassing Big Jim, claiming he was retarded and shouldn't be allowed money and perhaps, have a trustee manage his funds. But Big Jim's lawyers fought back but lost, and sadly, the IRS kept their share as they laughed together on an island beach, sipping tropical drinks and sampling the local sex trade industry at his expense.
He then sued Hollywood for all that faggot shit, but that, too, was chortled and turned down. Finally, he tried to sue Webster's dictionary for discriminating against his word suggestion. Licomenuts - a roastie that licks men's testicles. But that too was thrown out. However, the Urban dictionary honored it later. So there was a happy conclusion.
He then sued his lawyers for losing those cases and the various judges for not favoring his suits. Finally, he tried suing jury members but ugh. You can't do that.
In 2029, he squandered 200 million dollars on an adult network streaming app named after himself. The content was primarily disturbing pornography, but his series, a game show, called 'How Far Can You Go On My Tires?' was the main focus or, as he considered it, "The cream of the crop, baby." Unfortunately, it only lasted one episode after several contestants lost their lives from driving fast on bald tires. The families later sued him, and he counters sued for 100 times greater, claiming, "If the drugmakers can do this, why can't I?" He later lost and had to pay out 300 million dollars.
By 2036, Big Jim had a hundred million dollars left and was living in a storage unit sleeping in his feces. We asked him why not use that money and get a condo or house, but he Ugh us and replied, "I'm suing you for interrupting my sleeping in feces evening."
After that interview, he finally departed that shithole and invested the rest of his hundred million dollars in time travel. And as you can see, he succeeded because, well, how the fuck else could you be reading this article from the future? Duh. Anyway, I'm off to play the lottery. Hmm. I wonder if I'll get lucky?
Time travel mog.
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