awok
Gold
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2025
- Posts
- 823
- Reputation
- 755
Every time I open up to someone they dont understand me. I've tried to word it differently a million times but it always ends up the same. Its laughed off, not taken seriously, taken as a joke, or just misunderstood entirely.
My life is a meaningless pointless joke. I feel so alien its crazy. Never in my life have I felt so inhuman and hated. If I looked better my problems would be seen as more of an issue.
I cant feel what you humans feel, im alien and different to the rest of you normals. I just want to feel love for the first time and not have to force it, I've never felt "unconditional love" its always based on what the other person can do for me. I will never get to experience a human life. The fact of the matter is I dont even look that bad, its just my aspie tendancys.
For years I've copied, observed and mimicked. And it was for nothing. Because no matter what action I mimic I CANT MIMIC EMOTIONS. I can comprehend them, I can see people feeling them, but I cant feel them for myself. I want someone, anyone to explain to me why I am this way, I have my ideas. But it doesnt add up, I feel so very little. It makes me angry. It makes me violent.
Why can other people care for eachother? When I cant. It comes so naturally to them, so why not me? I dont get it. I dont understand why I wasnt chosen to feel what they feel. It makes me realised god has favourites. And in not one of them.
No amount of looksmaxxing or coping is gonna bring back my emotions. No amount of love from others will bring back my emotions. I cant even love my own mother. I say I love you, but its lies, its all lies.
Im an actor, a fake, a fraud, and a loser.
TLDR: autists vents about his emotional emptiness.
My life is a meaningless pointless joke. I feel so alien its crazy. Never in my life have I felt so inhuman and hated. If I looked better my problems would be seen as more of an issue.
I cant feel what you humans feel, im alien and different to the rest of you normals. I just want to feel love for the first time and not have to force it, I've never felt "unconditional love" its always based on what the other person can do for me. I will never get to experience a human life. The fact of the matter is I dont even look that bad, its just my aspie tendancys.
For years I've copied, observed and mimicked. And it was for nothing. Because no matter what action I mimic I CANT MIMIC EMOTIONS. I can comprehend them, I can see people feeling them, but I cant feel them for myself. I want someone, anyone to explain to me why I am this way, I have my ideas. But it doesnt add up, I feel so very little. It makes me angry. It makes me violent.
Why can other people care for eachother? When I cant. It comes so naturally to them, so why not me? I dont get it. I dont understand why I wasnt chosen to feel what they feel. It makes me realised god has favourites. And in not one of them.
No amount of looksmaxxing or coping is gonna bring back my emotions. No amount of love from others will bring back my emotions. I cant even love my own mother. I say I love you, but its lies, its all lies.
Im an actor, a fake, a fraud, and a loser.
TLDR: autists vents about his emotional emptiness.
