richoxne
i do it solo
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2025
- Posts
- 1,115
- Reputation
- 1,552
(DNR certified)
Truly, in the beginning there was only light. And that light came from David Gandy's eyes, shining like two luxury spotlights on the Milan catwalk.
And Gandy said, “Let there be beauty!” — and the earth was born, full of gloss and photo shoots.
In seven days, he created the world:
On the first day, he created light rings, for without them, no photo shoot would be complete.
On the second day, he created animals and named them after brands: the deer was named “Gucci,” the wolf “Versace,” and the chicken “Balenciaga.”
On the third day, he gave people mirrors so that they might know vanity.
On the fourth day, he launched the sun as the main softbox.
On the fifth day, he invented black and white pills to divide people into “basic” and “enlightened.”
On the sixth day, he breathed life into the True Adam and the True Eve, with symmetrical faces and divine bone structures.
And on the seventh day, he lay down on a yacht in Calvin Klein underwear and said, “I am satisfied.”
And Adam and Eve lived in a garden that resembled an endless fashion show in Paris. But Eve sinned, tasted the black pill, and realized that beauty is a curse. And then Gandy banished them to the city of Mumbai — the capital of contrasts, where it smelled of flowers and dirt, wealth and poverty.
Incest as a curse on humanity Adam and Eve multiplied, but each generation became less and less “true”: their cheekbones became duller, their chins blurred, their eyes lost their sparkle. Thus, ordinary humanity was born. Sometimes, however, “outstanding” individuals were born, and these were a sign to Mr. Gandy that he had not forgotten about his project.
Great catastrophes
Gandy looked at his creation and was disappointed. So he caused the Great Flood, which split the earth into continents. The chosen people, the Jews, signed their first contract with God himself, becoming the first looksmaxxers in history.
People tried to build the Lookism Tower to reach the podium of heaven. But Gandy saw their pride and pissed on them, and the Second Flood happened. Since then, languages have mixed, and the people too.
Racial mutations
At first, everyone was black, because the sun burned mercilessly. But then the evil genius Jakub appeared, a scientist with a head three times larger than normal. He merged genes and bred the white race, the offspring of his malice and cunning. They seized lands and cultures, subjugating everyone.
The Indo-people went to Asia, where they turned yellow from the sand and dust. Gandy gave the white people the right to be the “standard,” but deprived them of their true ethnicity so that they would never know peace.
The forgotten God
Millennia passed, people began to live by brands, but forgot the one who gave them luxury. However, the covenants say that one day the true Adam and Eve will be reborn, and Gandy himself will appear again. To this day, people argue about who is Adam and who is Eve; some have already forgotten about it, while others deny that they even exist.
The Second Coming
And so it happened: the spirit of Gandy entered a British boy. He grew up, became a model, the embodiment of human symmetry, the face of Dolce & Gabbana, and a permanent resident of a yacht, where he poses until the end of time.
“The beautiful will go to hell, and the ugly will go to heaven.”
Truly, in the beginning there was only light. And that light came from David Gandy's eyes, shining like two luxury spotlights on the Milan catwalk.
And Gandy said, “Let there be beauty!” — and the earth was born, full of gloss and photo shoots.
In seven days, he created the world:
On the first day, he created light rings, for without them, no photo shoot would be complete.
On the second day, he created animals and named them after brands: the deer was named “Gucci,” the wolf “Versace,” and the chicken “Balenciaga.”
On the third day, he gave people mirrors so that they might know vanity.
On the fourth day, he launched the sun as the main softbox.
On the fifth day, he invented black and white pills to divide people into “basic” and “enlightened.”
On the sixth day, he breathed life into the True Adam and the True Eve, with symmetrical faces and divine bone structures.
And on the seventh day, he lay down on a yacht in Calvin Klein underwear and said, “I am satisfied.”
And Adam and Eve lived in a garden that resembled an endless fashion show in Paris. But Eve sinned, tasted the black pill, and realized that beauty is a curse. And then Gandy banished them to the city of Mumbai — the capital of contrasts, where it smelled of flowers and dirt, wealth and poverty.
Incest as a curse on humanity Adam and Eve multiplied, but each generation became less and less “true”: their cheekbones became duller, their chins blurred, their eyes lost their sparkle. Thus, ordinary humanity was born. Sometimes, however, “outstanding” individuals were born, and these were a sign to Mr. Gandy that he had not forgotten about his project.
Great catastrophes
Gandy looked at his creation and was disappointed. So he caused the Great Flood, which split the earth into continents. The chosen people, the Jews, signed their first contract with God himself, becoming the first looksmaxxers in history.
People tried to build the Lookism Tower to reach the podium of heaven. But Gandy saw their pride and pissed on them, and the Second Flood happened. Since then, languages have mixed, and the people too.
Racial mutations
At first, everyone was black, because the sun burned mercilessly. But then the evil genius Jakub appeared, a scientist with a head three times larger than normal. He merged genes and bred the white race, the offspring of his malice and cunning. They seized lands and cultures, subjugating everyone.
The Indo-people went to Asia, where they turned yellow from the sand and dust. Gandy gave the white people the right to be the “standard,” but deprived them of their true ethnicity so that they would never know peace.
The forgotten God
Millennia passed, people began to live by brands, but forgot the one who gave them luxury. However, the covenants say that one day the true Adam and Eve will be reborn, and Gandy himself will appear again. To this day, people argue about who is Adam and who is Eve; some have already forgotten about it, while others deny that they even exist.
The Second Coming
And so it happened: the spirit of Gandy entered a British boy. He grew up, became a model, the embodiment of human symmetry, the face of Dolce & Gabbana, and a permanent resident of a yacht, where he poses until the end of time.
“The beautiful will go to hell, and the ugly will go to heaven.”
DNR certified
