D
Deleted member 22705
Silver
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2022
- Posts
- 691
- Reputation
- 568
Feel like life's not worth living anymore. I am fat af but I know I have recessed infraorbital, lateral orbital rims and mandible, so my bone structure won't look good either. Maybe I can get up-to LTN if I am lucky lmao, which is still shit, maybe people will be a little nicer and women won't avoid me as much. But I will still be as undateable and unloveable as ever. I will never get to experience true desire from a woman, I will never get the pleasure of looking down a street and mogging everyone I see. I will never receive favorable judgements on my personality because of my looks, never have people vying to be my friend, never get preferential treatment anywhere from anyone, that is all reserved for HTN+. Even with surgery nothing higher than MTN will ever happen, and that's with a lot of pain, money and risk. I just wish I could have eaten a proper diet, mewed, completed my braces treatment without breaking too many brackets and quitting halfway, wasn't born with a missing tooth on my right upper jaw, wasn't curry, didn't suffer autism. I could have had a better-looking face and my nose and other facial features wouldn't have been destroyed by puberty. Maybe this was my destiny and that's all could have ever happened, I will be stuck with this ugly ass male face forever
The best experiences I had from girls before the age of 16 when I was decent looking is nothing in comparison to what a popular White/Black NT normie experiences. Being autistic, unpopular, and curry did me in hard. The only girls who showed some interest, and I am not even sure how much of it was real, were curry foids or the rare mixed chick who I couldn't tell. Nearly all of them were unattractive too. Even at the height of my SMV, this is the best I could get attention from. Maybe I could have done something with them, but it's nothing compared to the happiness I could have had if I had just been born differently. Reading about the attention some of the people on incel forums get makes me realize my SMV was nothing compared to theirs. Perhaps being an autistic curry is that much of a death sentence. When I tried talking to some of the females I didn't know who showed interest in me, I wasn't able to find them at all. It was like fate was conspiring against me and ensuring I remained unloved and untouched. Without fighting my destiny by paying a cheap ass hooker I'd still be a KV, and it's not enough.
What's the point in living? If someone here could help me find an online drug dealer, I would purchase a shit ton of fetanyl and end my life ASAP. Unfortunately, it's very hard to get drugs when you don't know people, unlike all the NTs who know real drug dealers. I considered ODing on kratom but it's far too unlikely. I had an opportunity to OD on opoids once and I refused to take it, even flushed all the pills down the toilet. Now I find myself really regretting the decision after realizing it's over for me. Worst part is I gotta go to work tomorrow, where I am ignored and avoided by everyone. I suppose at least I can pass time and feel productive, I am even more depressed at home.
The best experiences I had from girls before the age of 16 when I was decent looking is nothing in comparison to what a popular White/Black NT normie experiences. Being autistic, unpopular, and curry did me in hard. The only girls who showed some interest, and I am not even sure how much of it was real, were curry foids or the rare mixed chick who I couldn't tell. Nearly all of them were unattractive too. Even at the height of my SMV, this is the best I could get attention from. Maybe I could have done something with them, but it's nothing compared to the happiness I could have had if I had just been born differently. Reading about the attention some of the people on incel forums get makes me realize my SMV was nothing compared to theirs. Perhaps being an autistic curry is that much of a death sentence. When I tried talking to some of the females I didn't know who showed interest in me, I wasn't able to find them at all. It was like fate was conspiring against me and ensuring I remained unloved and untouched. Without fighting my destiny by paying a cheap ass hooker I'd still be a KV, and it's not enough.
What's the point in living? If someone here could help me find an online drug dealer, I would purchase a shit ton of fetanyl and end my life ASAP. Unfortunately, it's very hard to get drugs when you don't know people, unlike all the NTs who know real drug dealers. I considered ODing on kratom but it's far too unlikely. I had an opportunity to OD on opoids once and I refused to take it, even flushed all the pills down the toilet. Now I find myself really regretting the decision after realizing it's over for me. Worst part is I gotta go to work tomorrow, where I am ignored and avoided by everyone. I suppose at least I can pass time and feel productive, I am even more depressed at home.
