Girlfriend said I was "miserable and insufferable to deal with" when I opened up to her about something I was deeply upset about

[illusion]

For a little bit of context, me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now. We are very close.

___________

To give a bit backstory here, throughout the time period that me and my girlfriend have been together, I have tried to not express large amounts of emotion. This is of course my duty as a man, and it has always been important for me to remain stable and reliable in my relationship no matter what. Due to this, my girlfriend has been obsessed with me telling her how I "really feel" and has always asked if she "comforts me." The answer has always been no, as I am a very closed-off person and rely on myself and I don't really find "comfort" in other people. Knowing this, she's been keen on trying to wedge herself past the emotional barricade I put between her and myself and try to assert herself as a "comforting figure" that I can "trust."

Since I strive to be a decent partner, I've attempted opening up quite a few times to her, which have always been disastrous. I am able to provide comfort to her, however, she is awful at reciprocating it, whenever she has tried, she has always ended up making it about herself. Due to this, I've been more and more closed-off with her when it comes to emotional and personal stuff, however she has kept pushing me to be more "open" with her.

Recently, she had actually gotten a little better at it and I was actually starting to be a bit more open with her, being a lot nicer on a personal level and telling her what I really thought of her (obviously positive things,) and she loved it, so for a while, I thought maybe I could trust her a little more.

____________

Now we have to get into what happened, about 2 months ago, I started a project that I deeply cared for, this was more important to me than anything I had ever done and I spent weeks obsessing about it and doing everything I could to ensure I would have a perfect result once it was finished and ready. I put it more effort, time, and thought into this than anything I had ever done before, and I was so sure that I would be successful. I spent hours and hours researching about it and looked into how it could be finely tuned, and she knew about it all. Obviously not to the exact degree, but she knew that this was something I deeply cared about.

However, when it was finished, and I put it to the test, it miserably failed. It was a total failure, all the work, thought, effort, and belief I had that it would work out was annihilated (I won't go into detail about what it was, but perhaps to others it'd be a small thing, but to me, it was extremely important.)

Due to my awful failure, I was somewhat understandably, extremely depressed for quite a few days, I was very suicidal for the first few days especially. Since I had felt a little safer with my girlfriend, I had decided that maybe I should open up just this once and tell her how I feel and what I'm thinking and I did, and honestly, she did a decent job at being nice. Although it didn't help me much, I didn't really regret opening up to her, and eventually I did feel better (although I'm still upset about it.)

However, it wasn't perfect. I had to spend a good chunk of the time comforting her because she was upset that I was upset, which makes zero sense to me whatsoever. I don't understand why I have to force myself to be nice to someone who's upset that I'm not a perfect emotionless blob all the time. However, it was my duty as a man to comfort her, so I did.

Fast forward to last night:

Me and her were talking and joking around a little, and the topic of what had happened a few weeks prior (me being upset about my project failing) came up. Since I had gotten my wall back up, I decided to joke about how sad I was and she took it somewhat seriously (or however her brain processed what I said) and she said:

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

That obviously took me very off guard, I poked around a bit and jokingly asked if she was serious and she doubled down on it, saying I was "a miserable piece of shit."

Throughout my life, I have been angry quite a few times, but this is the first time I've ever felt this new weird feeling, it's like a mix of sadness, disgust, and genuine disappointment. I had thought that this person genuinely cared about me, but it seems they were putting up a facade to get me to "shut up." I do not appreciate being lied to, and this has destroyed any trust that was built and honestly, has destroyed any chance that I will be able to trust this person again in the future. I didn't expect it at all, I am obviously not a perfect partner or anything but it's still so shocking to me.

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night since I was up thinking and thinking because it made no sense, why would a person that begs me to open up and "be myself" with her get annoyed when I finally did? And I came to a conclusion, it's that:

These people do not mean that they want to see you at your worst, they want you to open about about all the nice things you have to say about them. All the sweet, unique compliments and what you "really think about them." They do not care for what you personally feel.

________________

I honestly don't know what to do. This isn't even the first time that I've been lied to and have had something that I cared about be minimized by this person. It's happened so many times that sometimes I truly believe this person doesn't actually give a rat's ass about me and only wants to go through the good times with each other.

It's not like I can just express this to her either, she's just going to get upset and angry at me and I just don't want to deal with that. The bigger issue is that since I opened up about something big, and it actually felt kind of good to speak to someone about it (which is something I hadn't ever experienced before,) this woman has now trapped me because whenever I'm upset, I want to talk to them about it but I remember what they actually think of me so I can, making everything 10 times worse.

Not a clue of what to do, it's almost comical. I highly doubt I'll ever open up to her again and I feel as if this has destroyed a major part of our relationship. I suppose opening up is something you must never do, takes notes of my mistakes and make sure you don't replicate it.

@Hernan @Pony @Sayori @Jgns @Jason Voorhees

 

[Anakin.]

For a little bit of context, me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now. We are very close.

___________

To give a bit backstory here, throughout the time period that me and my girlfriend have been together, I have tried to not express large amounts of emotion. This is of course my duty as a man, and it has always been important for me to remain stable and reliable in my relationship no matter what. Due to this, my girlfriend has been obsessed with me telling her how I "really feel" and has always asked if she "comforts me." The answer has always been no, as I am a very closed-off person and rely on myself and I don't really find "comfort" in other people. Knowing this, she's been keen on trying to wedge herself past the emotional barricade I put between her and myself and try to assert herself as a "comforting figure" that I can "trust."

Since I strive to be a decent partner, I've attempted opening up quite a few times to her, which have always been disastrous. I am able to provide comfort to her, however, she is awful at reciprocating it, whenever she has tried, she has always ended up making it about herself. Due to this, I've been more and more closed-off with her when it comes to emotional and personal stuff, however she has kept pushing me to be more "open" with her.

Recently, she had actually gotten a little better at it and I was actually starting to be a bit more open with her, being a lot nicer on a personal level and telling her what I really thought of her (obviously positive things,) and she loved it, so for a while, I thought maybe I could trust her a little more.

____________

Now we have to get into what happened, about 2 months ago, I started a project that I deeply cared for, this was more important to me than anything I had ever done and I spent weeks obsessing about it and doing everything I could to ensure I would have a perfect result once it was finished and ready. I put it more effort, time, and thought into this than anything I had ever done before, and I was so sure that I would be successful. I spent hours and hours researching about it and looked into how it could be finely tuned, and she knew about it all. Obviously not to the exact degree, but she knew that this was something I deeply cared about.

However, when it was finished, and I put it to the test, it miserably failed. It was a total failure, all the work, thought, effort, and belief I had that it would work out was annihilated (I won't go into detail about what it was, but perhaps to others it'd be a small thing, but to me, it was extremely important.)

Due to my awful failure, I was somewhat understandably, extremely depressed for quite a few days, I was very suicidal for the first few days especially. Since I had felt a little safer with my girlfriend, I had decided that maybe I should open up just this once and tell her how I feel and what I'm thinking and I did, and honestly, she did a decent job at being nice. Although it didn't help me much, I didn't really regret opening up to her, and eventually I did feel better (although I'm still upset about it.)

However, it wasn't perfect. I had to spend a good chunk of the time comforting her because she was upset that I was upset, which makes zero sense to me whatsoever. I don't understand why I have to force myself to be nice to someone who's upset that I'm not a perfect emotionless blob all the time. However, it was my duty as a man to comfort her, so I did.

Fast forward to last night:

Me and her were talking and joking around a little, and the topic of what had happened a few weeks prior (me being upset about my project failing) came up. Since I had gotten my wall back up, I decided to joke about how sad I was and she took it somewhat seriously (or however her brain processed what I said) and she said:

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

That obviously took me very off guard, I poked around a bit and jokingly asked if she was serious and she doubled down on it, saying I was "a miserable piece of shit."

Throughout my life, I have been angry quite a few times, but this is the first time I've ever felt this new weird feeling, it's like a mix of sadness, disgust, and genuine disappointment. I had thought that this person genuinely cared about me, but it seems they were putting up a facade to get me to "shut up." I do not appreciate being lied to, and this has destroyed any trust that was built and honestly, has destroyed any chance that I will be able to trust this person again in the future.

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night since I was up thinking and thinking because it made no sense, why would a person that begs me to open up and "be myself" with her get annoyed when I finally did? And I came to a conclusion, it's that:

These people do not mean that they want to see you at your worst, they want you to open about about all the nice things you have to say about them. All the sweet, unique compliments and what you "really think about them." They do not care for what you personally feel.

________________

I honestly don't know what to do. This isn't even the first time that I've been lied to and have had something that I cared about be minimized by this person. It's happened so many times that sometimes I truly believe this person doesn't actually give a rat's ass about me and only wants to go through the good times with each other.

It's not like I can just express this to her either, she's just going to get upset and angry at me and I just don't want to deal with that. The bigger issue is that since I opened up about something big, and it actually felt kind of good to speak to someone about it (which is something I hadn't ever experienced before,) this woman has now trapped me because whenever I'm upset, I want to talk to them about it but I remember what they actually think of me so I can, making everything 10 times worse.

Not a clue of what to do, it's almost comical. I highly doubt I'll ever open up to her again and I feel as if this has destroyed a major part of our relationship. I suppose opening up is something you must never do, takes notes of my mistakes and make sure you don't replicate it.

@Hernan @Pony @Sayori @Jgns @Jason Voorhees

dnr but kill her for that

 

[LowTierBateman]

Tragic

 

[ROB.DNR]

Give her dick before another one does it

 

[ohhohh]

For a little bit of context, me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now. We are very close.

___________

To give a bit backstory here, throughout the time period that me and my girlfriend have been together, I have tried to not express large amounts of emotion. This is of course my duty as a man, and it has always been important for me to remain stable and reliable in my relationship no matter what. Due to this, my girlfriend has been obsessed with me telling her how I "really feel" and has always asked if she "comforts me." The answer has always been no, as I am a very closed-off person and rely on myself and I don't really find "comfort" in other people. Knowing this, she's been keen on trying to wedge herself past the emotional barricade I put between her and myself and try to assert herself as a "comforting figure" that I can "trust."

Since I strive to be a decent partner, I've attempted opening up quite a few times to her, which have always been disastrous. I am able to provide comfort to her, however, she is awful at reciprocating it, whenever she has tried, she has always ended up making it about herself. Due to this, I've been more and more closed-off with her when it comes to emotional and personal stuff, however she has kept pushing me to be more "open" with her.

Recently, she had actually gotten a little better at it and I was actually starting to be a bit more open with her, being a lot nicer on a personal level and telling her what I really thought of her (obviously positive things,) and she loved it, so for a while, I thought maybe I could trust her a little more.

____________

Now we have to get into what happened, about 2 months ago, I started a project that I deeply cared for, this was more important to me than anything I had ever done and I spent weeks obsessing about it and doing everything I could to ensure I would have a perfect result once it was finished and ready. I put it more effort, time, and thought into this than anything I had ever done before, and I was so sure that I would be successful. I spent hours and hours researching about it and looked into how it could be finely tuned, and she knew about it all. Obviously not to the exact degree, but she knew that this was something I deeply cared about.

However, when it was finished, and I put it to the test, it miserably failed. It was a total failure, all the work, thought, effort, and belief I had that it would work out was annihilated (I won't go into detail about what it was, but perhaps to others it'd be a small thing, but to me, it was extremely important.)

Due to my awful failure, I was somewhat understandably, extremely depressed for quite a few days, I was very suicidal for the first few days especially. Since I had felt a little safer with my girlfriend, I had decided that maybe I should open up just this once and tell her how I feel and what I'm thinking and I did, and honestly, she did a decent job at being nice. Although it didn't help me much, I didn't really regret opening up to her, and eventually I did feel better (although I'm still upset about it.)

However, it wasn't perfect. I had to spend a good chunk of the time comforting her because she was upset that I was upset, which makes zero sense to me whatsoever. I don't understand why I have to force myself to be nice to someone who's upset that I'm not a perfect emotionless blob all the time. However, it was my duty as a man to comfort her, so I did.

Fast forward to last night:

Me and her were talking and joking around a little, and the topic of what had happened a few weeks prior (me being upset about my project failing) came up. Since I had gotten my wall back up, I decided to joke about how sad I was and she took it somewhat seriously (or however her brain processed what I said) and she said:

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

That obviously took me very off guard, I poked around a bit and jokingly asked if she was serious and she doubled down on it, saying I was "a miserable piece of shit."

Throughout my life, I have been angry quite a few times, but this is the first time I've ever felt this new weird feeling, it's like a mix of sadness, disgust, and genuine disappointment. I had thought that this person genuinely cared about me, but it seems they were putting up a facade to get me to "shut up." I do not appreciate being lied to, and this has destroyed any trust that was built and honestly, has destroyed any chance that I will be able to trust this person again in the future.

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night since I was up thinking and thinking because it made no sense, why would a person that begs me to open up and "be myself" with her get annoyed when I finally did? And I came to a conclusion, it's that:

These people do not mean that they want to see you at your worst, they want you to open about about all the nice things you have to say about them. All the sweet, unique compliments and what you "really think about them." They do not care for what you personally feel.

________________

I honestly don't know what to do. This isn't even the first time that I've been lied to and have had something that I cared about be minimized by this person. It's happened so many times that sometimes I truly believe this person doesn't actually give a rat's ass about me and only wants to go through the good times with each other.

It's not like I can just express this to her either, she's just going to get upset and angry at me and I just don't want to deal with that. The bigger issue is that since I opened up about something big, and it actually felt kind of good to speak to someone about it (which is something I hadn't ever experienced before,) this woman has now trapped me because whenever I'm upset, I want to talk to them about it but I remember what they actually think of me so I can, making everything 10 times worse.

Not a clue of what to do, it's almost comical. I highly doubt I'll ever open up to her again and I feel as if this has destroyed a major part of our relationship. I suppose opening up is something you must never do, takes notes of my mistakes and make sure you don't replicate it.

@Hernan @Pony @Sayori @Jgns @Jason Voorhees

lol u can def open up and ur gf is also being a bitch. U shld always yry not to, but nga,

 

[cancsrs]

For a little bit of context, me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now. We are very close.

___________

To give a bit backstory here, throughout the time period that me and my girlfriend have been together, I have tried to not express large amounts of emotion. This is of course my duty as a man, and it has always been important for me to remain stable and reliable in my relationship no matter what. Due to this, my girlfriend has been obsessed with me telling her how I "really feel" and has always asked if she "comforts me." The answer has always been no, as I am a very closed-off person and rely on myself and I don't really find "comfort" in other people. Knowing this, she's been keen on trying to wedge herself past the emotional barricade I put between her and myself and try to assert herself as a "comforting figure" that I can "trust."

Since I strive to be a decent partner, I've attempted opening up quite a few times to her, which have always been disastrous. I am able to provide comfort to her, however, she is awful at reciprocating it, whenever she has tried, she has always ended up making it about herself. Due to this, I've been more and more closed-off with her when it comes to emotional and personal stuff, however she has kept pushing me to be more "open" with her.

Recently, she had actually gotten a little better at it and I was actually starting to be a bit more open with her, being a lot nicer on a personal level and telling her what I really thought of her (obviously positive things,) and she loved it, so for a while, I thought maybe I could trust her a little more.

____________

Now we have to get into what happened, about 2 months ago, I started a project that I deeply cared for, this was more important to me than anything I had ever done and I spent weeks obsessing about it and doing everything I could to ensure I would have a perfect result once it was finished and ready. I put it more effort, time, and thought into this than anything I had ever done before, and I was so sure that I would be successful. I spent hours and hours researching about it and looked into how it could be finely tuned, and she knew about it all. Obviously not to the exact degree, but she knew that this was something I deeply cared about.

However, when it was finished, and I put it to the test, it miserably failed. It was a total failure, all the work, thought, effort, and belief I had that it would work out was annihilated (I won't go into detail about what it was, but perhaps to others it'd be a small thing, but to me, it was extremely important.)

Due to my awful failure, I was somewhat understandably, extremely depressed for quite a few days, I was very suicidal for the first few days especially. Since I had felt a little safer with my girlfriend, I had decided that maybe I should open up just this once and tell her how I feel and what I'm thinking and I did, and honestly, she did a decent job at being nice. Although it didn't help me much, I didn't really regret opening up to her, and eventually I did feel better (although I'm still upset about it.)

However, it wasn't perfect. I had to spend a good chunk of the time comforting her because she was upset that I was upset, which makes zero sense to me whatsoever. I don't understand why I have to force myself to be nice to someone who's upset that I'm not a perfect emotionless blob all the time. However, it was my duty as a man to comfort her, so I did.

Fast forward to last night:

Me and her were talking and joking around a little, and the topic of what had happened a few weeks prior (me being upset about my project failing) came up. Since I had gotten my wall back up, I decided to joke about how sad I was and she took it somewhat seriously (or however her brain processed what I said) and she said:

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

That obviously took me very off guard, I poked around a bit and jokingly asked if she was serious and she doubled down on it, saying I was "a miserable piece of shit."

Throughout my life, I have been angry quite a few times, but this is the first time I've ever felt this new weird feeling, it's like a mix of sadness, disgust, and genuine disappointment. I had thought that this person genuinely cared about me, but it seems they were putting up a facade to get me to "shut up." I do not appreciate being lied to, and this has destroyed any trust that was built and honestly, has destroyed any chance that I will be able to trust this person again in the future.

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night since I was up thinking and thinking because it made no sense, why would a person that begs me to open up and "be myself" with her get annoyed when I finally did? And I came to a conclusion, it's that:

These people do not mean that they want to see you at your worst, they want you to open about about all the nice things you have to say about them. All the sweet, unique compliments and what you "really think about them." They do not care for what you personally feel.

________________

I honestly don't know what to do. This isn't even the first time that I've been lied to and have had something that I cared about be minimized by this person. It's happened so many times that sometimes I truly believe this person doesn't actually give a rat's ass about me and only wants to go through the good times with each other.

It's not like I can just express this to her either, she's just going to get upset and angry at me and I just don't want to deal with that. The bigger issue is that since I opened up about something big, and it actually felt kind of good to speak to someone about it (which is something I hadn't ever experienced before,) this woman has now trapped me because whenever I'm upset, I want to talk to them about it but I remember what they actually think of me so I can, making everything 10 times worse.

Not a clue of what to do, it's almost comical. I highly doubt I'll ever open up to her again and I feel as if this has destroyed a major part of our relationship. I suppose opening up is something you must never do, takes notes of my mistakes and make sure you don't replicate it.

@Hernan @Pony @Sayori @Jgns @Jason Voorhees

oh god wouldnt wish that even on my enemy

 

[Hernan]

For a little bit of context, me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now. We are very close.

___________

To give a bit backstory here, throughout the time period that me and my girlfriend have been together, I have tried to not express large amounts of emotion. This is of course my duty as a man, and it has always been important for me to remain stable and reliable in my relationship no matter what. Due to this, my girlfriend has been obsessed with me telling her how I "really feel" and has always asked if she "comforts me." The answer has always been no, as I am a very closed-off person and rely on myself and I don't really find "comfort" in other people. Knowing this, she's been keen on trying to wedge herself past the emotional barricade I put between her and myself and try to assert herself as a "comforting figure" that I can "trust."

Since I strive to be a decent partner, I've attempted opening up quite a few times to her, which have always been disastrous. I am able to provide comfort to her, however, she is awful at reciprocating it, whenever she has tried, she has always ended up making it about herself. Due to this, I've been more and more closed-off with her when it comes to emotional and personal stuff, however she has kept pushing me to be more "open" with her.

Recently, she had actually gotten a little better at it and I was actually starting to be a bit more open with her, being a lot nicer on a personal level and telling her what I really thought of her (obviously positive things,) and she loved it, so for a while, I thought maybe I could trust her a little more.

____________

Now we have to get into what happened, about 2 months ago, I started a project that I deeply cared for, this was more important to me than anything I had ever done and I spent weeks obsessing about it and doing everything I could to ensure I would have a perfect result once it was finished and ready. I put it more effort, time, and thought into this than anything I had ever done before, and I was so sure that I would be successful. I spent hours and hours researching about it and looked into how it could be finely tuned, and she knew about it all. Obviously not to the exact degree, but she knew that this was something I deeply cared about.

However, when it was finished, and I put it to the test, it miserably failed. It was a total failure, all the work, thought, effort, and belief I had that it would work out was annihilated (I won't go into detail about what it was, but perhaps to others it'd be a small thing, but to me, it was extremely important.)

Due to my awful failure, I was somewhat understandably, extremely depressed for quite a few days, I was very suicidal for the first few days especially. Since I had felt a little safer with my girlfriend, I had decided that maybe I should open up just this once and tell her how I feel and what I'm thinking and I did, and honestly, she did a decent job at being nice. Although it didn't help me much, I didn't really regret opening up to her, and eventually I did feel better (although I'm still upset about it.)

However, it wasn't perfect. I had to spend a good chunk of the time comforting her because she was upset that I was upset, which makes zero sense to me whatsoever. I don't understand why I have to force myself to be nice to someone who's upset that I'm not a perfect emotionless blob all the time. However, it was my duty as a man to comfort her, so I did.

Fast forward to last night:

Me and her were talking and joking around a little, and the topic of what had happened a few weeks prior (me being upset about my project failing) came up. Since I had gotten my wall back up, I decided to joke about how sad I was and she took it somewhat seriously (or however her brain processed what I said) and she said:

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

That obviously took me very off guard, I poked around a bit and jokingly asked if she was serious and she doubled down on it, saying I was "a miserable piece of shit."

Throughout my life, I have been angry quite a few times, but this is the first time I've ever felt this new weird feeling, it's like a mix of sadness, disgust, and genuine disappointment. I had thought that this person genuinely cared about me, but it seems they were putting up a facade to get me to "shut up." I do not appreciate being lied to, and this has destroyed any trust that was built and honestly, has destroyed any chance that I will be able to trust this person again in the future. I didn't expect it at all, I am obviously not a perfect partner or anything but it's still so shocking to me.

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night since I was up thinking and thinking because it made no sense, why would a person that begs me to open up and "be myself" with her get annoyed when I finally did? And I came to a conclusion, it's that:

These people do not mean that they want to see you at your worst, they want you to open about about all the nice things you have to say about them. All the sweet, unique compliments and what you "really think about them." They do not care for what you personally feel.

________________

I honestly don't know what to do. This isn't even the first time that I've been lied to and have had something that I cared about be minimized by this person. It's happened so many times that sometimes I truly believe this person doesn't actually give a rat's ass about me and only wants to go through the good times with each other.

It's not like I can just express this to her either, she's just going to get upset and angry at me and I just don't want to deal with that. The bigger issue is that since I opened up about something big, and it actually felt kind of good to speak to someone about it (which is something I hadn't ever experienced before,) this woman has now trapped me because whenever I'm upset, I want to talk to them about it but I remember what they actually think of me so I can, making everything 10 times worse.

Not a clue of what to do, it's almost comical. I highly doubt I'll ever open up to her again and I feel as if this has destroyed a major part of our relationship. I suppose opening up is something you must never do, takes notes of my mistakes and make sure you don't replicate it.

@Hernan @Pony @Sayori @Jgns @Jason Voorhees

You should be able to open up, so much for the trad Christian girl.

Time to let go.

 

[Hernan]

You should be able to open up, so much for the trad Christian girl.

Time to let go.

Idk what else to say sorry. I have no experience with relationships. I can say you should break up though. These are the type of women that will cheat on you when you’re older in your forties and married and dad.

 

[Canthus23]

think about whether shes really the right person for you man because thats not how a good partner should act

 

[Notorious_1676]

If you have a pair of balls, you cheat on her and send her the video. Incase you're worried she sends it to your parents then show it to her on your phone and pretend that she's made it all up

 

[Mrinfinityx]

For a little bit of context, me and my partner have been together for over 3 years now. We are very close.

___________

To give a bit backstory here, throughout the time period that me and my girlfriend have been together, I have tried to not express large amounts of emotion. This is of course my duty as a man, and it has always been important for me to remain stable and reliable in my relationship no matter what. Due to this, my girlfriend has been obsessed with me telling her how I "really feel" and has always asked if she "comforts me." The answer has always been no, as I am a very closed-off person and rely on myself and I don't really find "comfort" in other people. Knowing this, she's been keen on trying to wedge herself past the emotional barricade I put between her and myself and try to assert herself as a "comforting figure" that I can "trust."

Since I strive to be a decent partner, I've attempted opening up quite a few times to her, which have always been disastrous. I am able to provide comfort to her, however, she is awful at reciprocating it, whenever she has tried, she has always ended up making it about herself. Due to this, I've been more and more closed-off with her when it comes to emotional and personal stuff, however she has kept pushing me to be more "open" with her.

Recently, she had actually gotten a little better at it and I was actually starting to be a bit more open with her, being a lot nicer on a personal level and telling her what I really thought of her (obviously positive things,) and she loved it, so for a while, I thought maybe I could trust her a little more.

____________

Now we have to get into what happened, about 2 months ago, I started a project that I deeply cared for, this was more important to me than anything I had ever done and I spent weeks obsessing about it and doing everything I could to ensure I would have a perfect result once it was finished and ready. I put it more effort, time, and thought into this than anything I had ever done before, and I was so sure that I would be successful. I spent hours and hours researching about it and looked into how it could be finely tuned, and she knew about it all. Obviously not to the exact degree, but she knew that this was something I deeply cared about.

However, when it was finished, and I put it to the test, it miserably failed. It was a total failure, all the work, thought, effort, and belief I had that it would work out was annihilated (I won't go into detail about what it was, but perhaps to others it'd be a small thing, but to me, it was extremely important.)

Due to my awful failure, I was somewhat understandably, extremely depressed for quite a few days, I was very suicidal for the first few days especially. Since I had felt a little safer with my girlfriend, I had decided that maybe I should open up just this once and tell her how I feel and what I'm thinking and I did, and honestly, she did a decent job at being nice. Although it didn't help me much, I didn't really regret opening up to her, and eventually I did feel better (although I'm still upset about it.)

However, it wasn't perfect. I had to spend a good chunk of the time comforting her because she was upset that I was upset, which makes zero sense to me whatsoever. I don't understand why I have to force myself to be nice to someone who's upset that I'm not a perfect emotionless blob all the time. However, it was my duty as a man to comfort her, so I did.

Fast forward to last night:

Me and her were talking and joking around a little, and the topic of what had happened a few weeks prior (me being upset about my project failing) came up. Since I had gotten my wall back up, I decided to joke about how sad I was and she took it somewhat seriously (or however her brain processed what I said) and she said:

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

That obviously took me very off guard, I poked around a bit and jokingly asked if she was serious and she doubled down on it, saying I was "a miserable piece of shit."

Throughout my life, I have been angry quite a few times, but this is the first time I've ever felt this new weird feeling, it's like a mix of sadness, disgust, and genuine disappointment. I had thought that this person genuinely cared about me, but it seems they were putting up a facade to get me to "shut up." I do not appreciate being lied to, and this has destroyed any trust that was built and honestly, has destroyed any chance that I will be able to trust this person again in the future. I didn't expect it at all, I am obviously not a perfect partner or anything but it's still so shocking to me.

I didn't get a minute of sleep last night since I was up thinking and thinking because it made no sense, why would a person that begs me to open up and "be myself" with her get annoyed when I finally did? And I came to a conclusion, it's that:

These people do not mean that they want to see you at your worst, they want you to open about about all the nice things you have to say about them. All the sweet, unique compliments and what you "really think about them." They do not care for what you personally feel.

________________

I honestly don't know what to do. This isn't even the first time that I've been lied to and have had something that I cared about be minimized by this person. It's happened so many times that sometimes I truly believe this person doesn't actually give a rat's ass about me and only wants to go through the good times with each other.

It's not like I can just express this to her either, she's just going to get upset and angry at me and I just don't want to deal with that. The bigger issue is that since I opened up about something big, and it actually felt kind of good to speak to someone about it (which is something I hadn't ever experienced before,) this woman has now trapped me because whenever I'm upset, I want to talk to them about it but I remember what they actually think of me so I can, making everything 10 times worse.

Not a clue of what to do, it's almost comical. I highly doubt I'll ever open up to her again and I feel as if this has destroyed a major part of our relationship. I suppose opening up is something you must never do, takes notes of my mistakes and make sure you don't replicate it.

@Hernan @Pony @Sayori @Jgns @Jason Voorhees

All of that for some years

 

[Canthus23]

If you have a pair of balls, you cheat on her and send her the video. Incase you're worried she sends it to your parents then show it to her on your phone and pretend that she's made it all up

this isnt some movie dude
theyve been together for 3+ years

 

[Notorious_1676]

theyve been together for 3+ years

If anything that makes it worse, imagine being with a foid for 3 years and her begging you to open up to her for months yet she reacts with disgust when you finally open up to her whilst also expecting you to listen to her rant about her problems.

They're not going to last either way so he may aswell go out with a bang. Getting cheated on by someone you've been in a 3 year relationship with will permenantly scar her

 

[g4rlic]

I don't think you can come back from that. I'd cheat if I could tbh.

 

[Canthus23]

If anything that makes it worse, imagine being with a foid for 3 years and her begging you to open up to her for months yet she reacts with disgust when you finally open up to her whilst also expecting you to listen to her rant about her problems.

They're not going to last either way so he may aswell go out with a bang. Getting cheated on by someone you've been in a 3 year relationship with will permenantly scar her

your kind of right but
he obviously loves her a lot so its way easier for us to say that than for him to actually cheat

 

[Notorious_1676]

your kind of right but
he obviously loves her a lot so its way easier for us to say that than for him to actually cheat

He should just fake discord messages and pretend to cheat then but I doubt he'd do it sadly

 

[pleasevanity]

comforting her because she was upset that I was upset, which makes zero sense to me whatsoever

bro women i swear i can't stand them they're so performative

nothing that ever comes out of a womans mouth should ever be taken as advice unless she is clearly smarter than you which is clearly not the case here, to me it seems like she's a mindless emotional parasite and i don't know how you put up with someone like that for so long

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

i'm not psychologist so don't take my word for it but i really think you might be dealing with some type of narcissist

i think because you're closed off to her and have goals that are not related to her she feels inferior or irrelevant and this way of her ridiculing you might be her trying to put herself above you because of that insecurity

women are like children they need to be showered with attention or else they will feel like this

what would i know tho i edate

 

[Daddy's Home]

You have no idea how women's brains work, do you?

''Due to my awful failure, I was somewhat understandably, extremely depressed for quite a few days, I was very suicidal for the first few days especially''

This has nothing to do with being ''open'' with a woman. Things like this either 1. You don't experience them in general, because you're a man, so you approach them better 2. You experience them, but you never verbalize them to a woman, or if you do, not in this way

"You were so miserable to deal with bruh. That shit was so insufferable, so upset about a little ass thing."

And by that I mean not like this, so when you told her shit like that, her biology with the need for survival and certainty was activated, and she no longer saw just a simple

''omg how cute my boyfriend is that he's opening up, let me support him''

but she saw

''why he makes so much of a thing from this, it means he's weak, it means he doesn't give me certainty when shit will become real, like children, health problems (much more worrying things practically) etc. if only from this thing he breaks down so much.. Yach.. I'm very disappointed, but for now I have to act cool, but maybe in the future I'll let him know that it wasn't okay for me for him to get into this state just for this''

Basically, there is a maximum barrier of ''opening up'' that you can have with a woman (a healthy one for her, but also for you) and it depends a lot not on the subject and the situation itself, but more on how you deliver it to her

(like if your car breaks down, you can't be like to her ''omg, my car broke down, what am I supposed to do, omg, it's so bad, I can't control this anymore'' but instead you will be ''eh, I'll fix it, don't worry, but you know, I'm a little upset about this right now'')

This is what she means by opening up, namely you say the problem, but you relate to her maturely, seriously, like a man, even if it affects you a lot, you have to show her that you are still in control of the situation, and that you are open just so that she can tell you that everything will be ok and that she is by your side, that's what it's all about

That's why she used those harsh words in particular (to teach you a lesson, but from what you wrote in this thread, it doesn't seem like you've learned), that it wasn't okay for her for you to come out/open up like that (this only shows your lack of experience) because you're giving her something else, namely signaling to her dumb reptilian brain that if for so little, you seem like you're ready to die and not care about the consequences, when shit gets real what are you going to do, and that's obviously really worrying her

Separate advice from me, try when you have problematic situations like this in relationships, to describe the context in detail to Claude and ask for his advice

He will present you with a much more real and nuanced picture of things than the extremes that we as humans tend to easily fall into, and he will explain to you the whole mechanism behind it

 

[petsmart]

never confide

 

[Daddy's Home]

Obviously, in any case, what she did wasn't cute or necessary at all, and it was objectively and factually very bad for you, meaning disrespectful to your objective feelings and was even downright destructive, but obviously people are weird/different/have different levels of conscientiousness, so they can interpret certain things in a different way

I just wanted to show you her side and how her brain worked

Was it good / moral / ideal / healthy for you how she acted? Obviously not

Another girl would have done the same, most likely maybe yes, but also likely maybe not, but we don't know, people are different, but that doesn't mean that what she did is intrinsically bad / negative from her perspective, like doing it intentionally to bother you and make you feel bad for free, just because she is a bad person (what she is not, or does not seem to be)

 

[Jason Voorhees]

I think it depends it's not a universal law to not open up to your partner but you need to hold a distance. A man shouldn't confide everything to a woman. Women don't understand what is men go through but the takeaway here isn't that'opening up is fundamentally a mistake' it's your partner lacked the emotional. Closing yourself off forever just punishes you and traps you in your own head. You just learned a lesson about her specific limitations.

 

[Mrlarpston]

its never enough