soapbubble
Sphinx
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2026
- Posts
- 2,858
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Too much doomscrolling and doing autistic shit the past few days.
I have a spanish and chemistry test tomorrow at school that I haven't studied for at all, and I haven't even started my homework. It's 3 AM right now, and I have to wake up in 4 hours. It's wraps.
It might just be coincidence but I also feel like whenever I'm sleep deprived I always feel more suicidal. Like normally I feel indifferent towards dying, or maybe a subtle interest at most, but I actually end up using it as escapism and fantasizing about it super often when I'm tired. It also might just be a reflection of my appearance IRL, I'm not GL and end up using fiction as escapism, which just feeds into my percieved subhumanity and it ends up becoming a loop, which I'm not even sure is a negative seeing as there's no good alternative.
I'm definitely losing inches of height because of sleep deprivation. Back in middle school I used to get by on 4 hours of sleep daily because I was on my phone all the time at night. Same thing is happening now, I'm 5'7" at 16 which tbf is not too bad but too think of extra inch(es?) I could've gained...
I'm so done with school. I don't mind the coursework, and I plan to actually focus up next school year and get good grades, but I really hate interacting with people. Literal suifuel. It might just be abused dog syndrome talking but it's not fun at all, pretty tiring actually, and normies all feel like clones of each other, or robots. They all talk the same, they all orbit the same people not because they're interested but in a desperate attempt to suck up and get some popularity/status. Almost all of them are performative, backstabbing faggots in my eyes.
It ashames me to say that I was one at one point too--Throughout middle school, I often made fun of the fat autistic girl who browsed fanfiction websites in class--not to her face, but with other kids as I didn't have many friends and was super desperate/performative at the time (not justifying, just explaining), which I feel worse every time I think about, as she had a crush on me at the time despite me being a huge loser. It's strange, but I also feel like I understand her more--ugly social outcast who is looked down upon by society. I'm the same now in high school, recieving karma for the person I was back then. In an ideal world, all normies should go through some shit that makes them feel disgusting--an average height MTN who understands and relates to humanity's cruel nature will forever mog a "Superman"--a natural Chad who can only provide basic, pitiful sympathy.
Anyways, I'm heading to bed now and logging off .org. Gn yall. Probably not logging on again until after school tomorrow.
I have a spanish and chemistry test tomorrow at school that I haven't studied for at all, and I haven't even started my homework. It's 3 AM right now, and I have to wake up in 4 hours. It's wraps.
It might just be coincidence but I also feel like whenever I'm sleep deprived I always feel more suicidal. Like normally I feel indifferent towards dying, or maybe a subtle interest at most, but I actually end up using it as escapism and fantasizing about it super often when I'm tired. It also might just be a reflection of my appearance IRL, I'm not GL and end up using fiction as escapism, which just feeds into my percieved subhumanity and it ends up becoming a loop, which I'm not even sure is a negative seeing as there's no good alternative.
I'm definitely losing inches of height because of sleep deprivation. Back in middle school I used to get by on 4 hours of sleep daily because I was on my phone all the time at night. Same thing is happening now, I'm 5'7" at 16 which tbf is not too bad but too think of extra inch(es?) I could've gained...
I'm so done with school. I don't mind the coursework, and I plan to actually focus up next school year and get good grades, but I really hate interacting with people. Literal suifuel. It might just be abused dog syndrome talking but it's not fun at all, pretty tiring actually, and normies all feel like clones of each other, or robots. They all talk the same, they all orbit the same people not because they're interested but in a desperate attempt to suck up and get some popularity/status. Almost all of them are performative, backstabbing faggots in my eyes.
It ashames me to say that I was one at one point too--Throughout middle school, I often made fun of the fat autistic girl who browsed fanfiction websites in class--not to her face, but with other kids as I didn't have many friends and was super desperate/performative at the time (not justifying, just explaining), which I feel worse every time I think about, as she had a crush on me at the time despite me being a huge loser. It's strange, but I also feel like I understand her more--ugly social outcast who is looked down upon by society. I'm the same now in high school, recieving karma for the person I was back then. In an ideal world, all normies should go through some shit that makes them feel disgusting--an average height MTN who understands and relates to humanity's cruel nature will forever mog a "Superman"--a natural Chad who can only provide basic, pitiful sympathy.
Anyways, I'm heading to bed now and logging off .org. Gn yall. Probably not logging on again until after school tomorrow.
