Gonna send this message to my ex I really hurt — need advice before I do it

[zerotohero]

Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling with this for a while. I messed up badly in my last relationship and I know I hurt her deeply. I’ve been working on myself in therapy, trying to understand my flaws and fix my impulsive, insecure behaviors.

I want to send her a message to apologize and close this chapter respectfully. I’m not expecting her to forgive me or get back together — I just want to be honest and show that I’m trying to change.

Here’s the message I’m planning to send. I’d really appreciate any feedback on whether it’s too much, too little, or if it comes across the wrong way:

Message to send:

(Her name),
I need to tell you this even though my whole body is shaking. I hurt you. A lot. Every time you felt lonely, sad, or disappointed, it was because of me. Betraying you is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I was selfish: I needed validation, I was impulsive and insecure… I didn’t value you or listen to you, and it hurts me deeply to have been that way with you.

For the past month and a half, I’ve been in therapy, working on myself, facing my fears and impulses. I’ve learned that being vulnerable connects me to others and to myself.

I’ve always admired who you are: brave, sensitive, intelligent, someone who cares for those close to her… All of that left a mark on me and made me fall in love with you.

I don’t want to pressure you, I just want to close this chapter with respect. If one day you want, I’d love to see each other and talk calmly. If not, I understand and respect that.

I know there might be someone else now, and it hurts, but what I truly want is for you to be happy.

I just wanted to say I’m sorry, truly.

 

[TACOCEL_]

Send it, i think its good

 

[BeanCelll]

I mean do what you want but I think she'll be more repulsed than thankful

It feels like this is more for you than her almost

 

[qxdr]

I say send it if it means getting rid of regret or if it’s been weighing you down glad you’re working on your issues bhai

 

[Chasingthedream569]

Don't do it, too long like a poem or some shit, shows you are miserable and will do nothing but boost her ego, don't do it brah, I know how it feels I was also in this position the mistake I did is that I sent it , don't do it

 

[zerotohero]

Don't do it, too long like a poem or some shit, shows you are miserable and will do nothing but boost her ego, don't do it brah, I know how it feels I was also in this position the mistake I did is that I sent it , don't do it

Fuck.

 

[Chasingthedream569]

Fuck.

Did you sent it?

 

[zerotohero]

Did you sent it?

Nope. Not yet.

 

[Lefty Rankin]

Nope. Not yet.

Wait, get my take first. Let me read it here and I'll give you my advice.

 

[zerotohero]

Wait, get my take first. Let me read it here and I'll give you my advice.

What?

 

[mhmd12322]

Fuck.

Do it. Send it and stop feeling guilty

 

[Lefty Rankin]

Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling with this for a while. I messed up badly in my last relationship and I know I hurt her deeply. I’ve been working on myself in therapy, trying to understand my flaws and fix my impulsive, insecure behaviors.

I want to send her a message to apologize and close this chapter respectfully. I’m not expecting her to forgive me or get back together — I just want to be honest and show that I’m trying to change.

Here’s the message I’m planning to send. I’d really appreciate any feedback on whether it’s too much, too little, or if it comes across the wrong way:

Message to send:

(Her name),
I need to tell you this even though my whole body is shaking. I hurt you. A lot. Every time you felt lonely, sad, or disappointed, it was because of me. Betraying you is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I was selfish: I needed validation, I was impulsive and insecure… I didn’t value you or listen to you, and it hurts me deeply to have been that way with you.

For the past month and a half, I’ve been in therapy, working on myself, facing my fears and impulses. I’ve learned that being vulnerable connects me to others and to myself.

I’ve always admired who you are: brave, sensitive, intelligent, someone who cares for those close to her… All of that left a mark on me and made me fall in love with you.

I don’t want to pressure you, I just want to close this chapter with respect. If one day you want, I’d love to see each other and talk calmly. If not, I understand and respect that.

I know there might be someone else now, and it hurts, but what I truly want is for you to be happy.

I just wanted to say I’m sorry, truly.

Wait, get my take first. Let me read it here and I'll give you my advice.

What?

Get out of therapy. The self discovery you might find in "therapy" can never be worth everything else you'll undoubtedly pick up from it. Trust me. Therapy is geared towards getting you to become the sort of man a woman just cannot ever be attracted to, despite whatever some may say.


First of all, don't tell her stuff like your whole body is shaking. That's the kind of details for love letters. Leave that shit out if you want to maintain your dignity in this sort of situation. And don't say betraying her was the worst thing you've ever done in your life. It might very well be, but do not say that.


Ok? That's it. And delete almost everything else too. Now let me revise it for you.



Regina Cunningham,
Look, I hurt you. A lot. Much of the time when we were together you might have felt lonely, sad, or disappointed. For that I might be partly to blame. I just wanted to say I'm truly sorry.

I’ve always admired who you are: brave, sensitive, intelligent, and someone who cares for those close to her… That left an impression on me. We had a good time but now we must close this chapter.

I have loved you, but goodbye.

个

(Only say this if it's true by the way. The praise you lavish on her. Be honest. Is she really all those things. If not you must leave them out.)


-zerotohero-


Send her this exact message. Do not look at any of her social media for the next six months. And likewise, do not update any of your own social media that she's able to see for the next six months. You do not follow her and you do not block her either. Send her that message and go dead as far as she's concerned for the next six months. I promise you'll get another chance with her some time during that time if you play it right. She will come to you. I guarantee you won't play it right though.

Do what I say and you'll get a second chance at least. That is if she doesn't get struck by lightning.

 

[Chasingthedream569]

Nope. Not yet.

Don't do it, that's a neurochemical urge in your brain, right now it feels really hard but just try to let it go and let her go, nothing you say will bring her back except only herself

 

[zerotohero]

Get out of therapy. The self discovery you might find in "therapy" can never be worth everything else you'll undoubtedly pick up from it. Trust me. Therapy is geared towards getting you to become the sort of man a woman just cannot ever be attracted to, despite whatever some may say.


First of all, don't tell her stuff like your whole body is shaking. That's the kind of details for love letters. Leave that shit out if you want to maintain your dignity in this sort of situation. And don't say betraying her was the worst thing you've ever done in your life. It might very well be, but do not say that.


Ok? That's it. And delete almost everything else too. Now let me revise it for you.



Regina Cunningham,
Look, I hurt you. A lot. Much of the time when we were together you might have felt lonely, sad, or disappointed. For that I might be partly to blame. I just wanted to say I'm truly sorry.

I’ve always admired who you are: brave, sensitive, intelligent, and someone who cares for those close to her… That left an impression on me. We had a good time but now we must close this chapter.

I have loved you, but goodbye.

个

(Only say this if it's true by the way. The praise you lavish on her. Be honest. Is she really all those things. If not you must leave them out.)


-zerotohero-


Send her this exact message. Do not look at any of her social media for the next six months. And likewise, do not update any of your own social media that she's able to see for the next six months. You do not follow her and you do not block her either. Send her that message and go dead as far as she's concerned for the next six months. I promise you'll get another chance with her some time during that time if you play it right. She will come to you. I guarantee you won't play it right though.

Do what I say and you'll get a second chance at least. That is if she doesn't get struck by lightning.

Why?

 

[Lefty Rankin]

Why?

Because that's where you're at with her right now and that's how women's minds work.

 

[Lefty Rankin]

Why?

Let me ask you some questions.

You speak of insecurities in your original letter. How were you insecure?

You also speak of not valuing her and being sorry to have been that way with her? In what way did you fail to value her? That's what's very curious to me.

 

[Lefty Rankin]

Why?

Don't let "therapy" turn you into a sappy pathetic loser. That's how she'll see you if you send the message as it is.

Therapy will see you blowing it with her today while conditioning you up to be the safe type of guy decent looking girls settle for, after being used up by the type of guys who act exactly the way your "therapist" is conditioning you not to be. Guys who wouldn't commit to them.

Girls love impulsivity as long as it's not desperate.

 

[gymcel64]

I mean do what you want but I think she'll be more repulsed than thankful

It feels like this is more for you than her almost

spot on. He clearly needs to feel better about himself and thus this is how he tries to do it, trying to relieve his conscience from what he did, which I assume is cheating (op correct if I'm wrong).
Hos message will never erase what he did, but maybe deep down he thinks it will at least ease it.
But honestly I wouldn't know a good way to cope about this, it's hard.

 

[zerotohero]

spot on. He clearly needs to feel better about himself and thus this is how he tries to do it, trying to relieve his conscience from what he did, which I assume is cheating (op correct if I'm wrong).
Hos message will never erase what he did, but maybe deep down he thinks it will at least ease it.
But honestly I wouldn't know a good way to cope about this, it's hard.

Yep, you’re right.

 

[zerotohero]

spot on. He clearly needs to feel better about himself and thus this is how he tries to do it, trying to relieve his conscience from what he did, which I assume is cheating (op correct if I'm wrong).
Hos message will never erase what he did, but maybe deep down he thinks it will at least ease it.
But honestly I wouldn't know a good way to cope about this, it's hard.

I was sexting with a girl with huge titties and she caught me.

 

[IraniancelV2]

Blaahaahahaha hblwhahahahaah

 

[gymcel64]

I was sexting with a girl with huge titties and she caught me.

damn man.
Honestly good luck.
I cant say I have compassion towards you, I have strong feelings about cheaters that will never change.
But nonetheless I hope you cam become a better person, for yourself and your future partners.

 

[zerotohero]

damn man.
Honestly good luck.
I cant say I have compassion towards you, I have strong feelings about cheaters that will never change.
But nonetheless I hope you cam become a better person, for yourself and your future partners.

Thank you, blud.

 

[zerotohero]

Bump.

 

[Vantablack]

hahahah faggot ur wasting ur time in therapy writing essays while she's getting pumped in chad's car

 

[zerotohero]

hahahah faggot ur wasting ur time in therapy writing essays while she's getting pumped in chad's car

She’s literally with a 4/10 guy that dresses like a middle schooler LOL.

 

[zerotohero]

Bump.

 

[zerotohero]

Bump.