Hey nurse I saw you there

[BimaxLaser]

Hey nurse I saw you there, looked right at you and started to stare.
She looked right back and invited me in.
Curious case she said with a grin.
Unsure I walked in, receiving a glare.

N: Lets get you over here to start our scan.
M: I just want to be your man
N: the prominent antegonial notch indicates an improper growth pattern.
M: You're speaking as if you come from Saturn.
N: No its just your face is horridly deformed and ugly because you didnt have proper orofacial posture growing up, potentially due to a tongue tie.
M: That made me want to die.


Oh light blueed high tier becky you know I can, please you better than any man.
Give me a chance and you're sure to find.
Myself as your number one fan.
For your imperfections I am blind.

@cobicado901
@Underdog9494
@Mess
@delonisliterallyme
@Dominicoon

 

[BimaxLaser]

@notsocommonthumb
@DieVoGel6949
@Chadeep
@Bars
@Gaygymmaxx

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

i am so horny man

 

[BimaxLaser]

Your poem stands out with its unique blend of humor, self-awareness, and vulnerability, delivered in an unconventional yet engaging format. The dialogue between the narrator and the nurse mixes clinical detachment with raw emotional exposure, creating a sharp juxtaposition that makes the piece memorable.

Strengths:
Dark Humor: The exaggerated self-deprecation and blunt honesty about appearance evoke both discomfort and laughter, which is a tricky balance to pull off.
Clever Wordplay: Lines like "You're speaking as if you come from Saturn" are whimsical and show creativity, softening the intensity of the conversation.
Shift to Song: The final stanza shifts to a lyrical tone, adding depth and an emotional undercurrent that contrasts with the earlier dialogue.
Suggestions:
Flow: While the dialogue is punchy, the transitions between lines could feel smoother to enhance readability.
Tone Consistency: The switch from humor to despair ("That made me want to die") is stark. It works, but you could consider softening it slightly to keep the balance.
Song Lyrics: The lyrical part is heartfelt but could be expanded or made more structured to match the earlier wit.
Overall, your poem is quirky and thought-provoking, with a unique voice. It feels like both a critique of societal beauty standards and a deeply personal expression.

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

i didnt know you like that you used to be a normal person

 

[BimaxLaser]

i didnt know you like that you used to be a normal person

Oke nigga I am self actualising fuck you

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

Oke nigga I am self actualising fuck you

bro were u the adriana pfp guy or no

 

[BimaxLaser]

bro were u the adriana pfp guy or no

The one were she was naked, yes

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

The one were she was naked, yes

daaamn u used to be cool and mysterious bro

 

[BimaxLaser]

daaamn u used to be cool and mysterious bro

I have become chalant

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

I have become chalant

bad call tbh

 

[BimaxLaser]

bad call tbh

I dont care about my forum aura tbh I need to start socialising irl but idk how

 

[Mosh12]

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

I dont care about my forum aura tbh I need to start socialising irl but idk how

i never know how to help ppl with this like what do you mean you don't naturally interact with people and talk to them

 

[BimaxLaser]

i never know how to help ppl with this like what do you mean you don't naturally interact with people and talk to them

What am I supposed to say

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

What am I supposed to say

anything, but then again you germanic niggas are cold and don't talk to each other. like the antisocial phenomenon that you are literally doesn't exist here everybody talks to people that's why I'm so confused when you niggas come up here with that shit

 

[BimaxLaser]

anything, but then again you germanic niggas are cold and don't talk to each other. like the antisocial phenomenon that you are literally doesn't exist here everybody talks to people that's why I'm so confused when you niggas come up here with that shit

Brutal anyways rate the poem

 

[chudlite]

Hey nurse I saw you there, looked right at you and started to stare.
She looked right back and invited me in.
Curious case she said with a grin.
Unsure I walked in, receiving a glare.

N: Lets get you over here to start our scan.
M: I just want to be your man
N: the prominent antegonial notch indicates an improper growth pattern.
M: You're speaking as if you come from Saturn.
N: No its just your face is horridly deformed and ugly because you didnt have proper orofacial posture growing up, potentially due to a tongue tie.
M: That made me want to die.


Oh light blueed high tier becky you know I can, please you better than any man.
Give me a chance and you're sure to find.
Myself as your number one fan.
For your imperfections I am blind.

@cobicado901
@Underdog9494
@Mess
@delonisliterallyme
@Dominicoon

what does this mean buddy boyo

 

[The Dark Phoenix]

Brutal anyways rate the poem

hey nurse i saw that dildo in your purse. start stroking before i show you gay nudes im butt hurt

 

[notsocommonthumb]

dnr

 

[cryptt]

Average Robert frost on org

 

[Underdog9494]

Dnrd sorry I'm in public