How can I let my "female" co workers know how ugly I think they are w/o getting in trouble?

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supergoat972

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For those who don't know- I work in a government office in the deep south- mostly black and Hispanic American women. Perhaps the fattest and ugliest group of ppl on planet earth. They make women on the streets of Pakistan look like world class models. Probably 80%+ obesity rate. I've seen people in their 20s and 30s who are so fat that they can barely walk, not kidding.

Here are some ideas:

-So far the best way is to bring up my "girlfriend" around them. I don't have a girlfriend , but when one talks to me I will bring up my "girlfriend" to hurt their feelings. Like a preemptive rejection.

-2nd best is to flirt/talk to normal and somewhat overweight women in front of fatties- all the while ignoring the fatties to make them jealous. Once I said "hi" to normal weight woman, but ignored the fatty when both were walking down the hall way.


Some other ways:
-Avoid looking and talking to them at virtually all costs-outside of work related things.
-Make some "jokes" around them- such as "wow , thats a lot of pizza" or "I couldn't eat that much" while pointing at their food.
-Use laughter to poke fun at them without making it seem on purpose. For example, once a landwhale said "i'm having McDonalds for lunch" and I let out a laugh. I pretended that it was involuntary.
 
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For reference- This animal is about average for where I work:
1762876876669
 

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