RealSurgerymax
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Of course I am not a psychologist or anything like that, Intro to Developmental Psych is just a class I had to take 
One thing that really stuck with me was the basic theory of developmental stages of life.
so we will move on to the two most relevant life stages.
The self-identified incel is usually a young man who could fall into either the Adolescence or Early Adulthood stage. I feel strongly that the Adolescence period can be extended and even revisited with identity achievement at any age so don't skip if you are college age or 30.
Avoiding or being denied identity exploration in the form of 1.) social isolation or 2.) being forced to uphold restrictive identity limitations will result in either Identity Diffusion or Identity Forclosure (such as "I am an incel and that is all I will ever be" or "I am a loser with no purpose" or "I can't be/I have never considered being or trying ___")
Identity Moratorium is a stage where you feel free to question and try on many identities to see what "fits." Many readers probably recall peers in secondary school going through drastic chameleon-like change that may have seemed drastic and sudden. This also happens later in life - going off to college represents a "clean slate" for identity experimentation and many people take advantage of that at this time.
One reason some young men may not enter a moratorium is lack of confidence or social acceptance due to physical features they cannot control (facial form, height.) For example the physically gifted or "Early Bloomer" has the option to be anything he wants to be - his choices are socially reinforced no matter where he may go.
Meanwhile many teenage & college age boys and girls may not feel accepted in certain situations no matter what. Their ability to easily change friend groups or interests at the drop of a hat may be more limited by their peers initial negative perception of them. This negative social pressure can deter one from feeling unlimited in what place in the community they could hold. Many "desirable" identities may seem out of the question.
Some people may have made the honest attempt only to be ridiculed or judged. You have probably seen this negative reinforcement towards identity foreclosure being called "fake" "poser" "try-hard" etc. In other words many people feel like they need to be given permission to be a certain way or break from what is expected of them. That social permission being denied can be in the form of unsaid communication like unfriendly glares or maybe subtle backhanded comments, or using a judgemental or unenthusiastic tone. Permission granted may be enthusiastic compliments, general acceptance, or even blatant invitation and encouragement that they are really pulling this off. These interactions add up and can give less-fortunate appearing people the impression that they need to "know their place."
Luckily these developmental phases are not really set in stone so there is still a time for late bloomers or "looksmaxxed" incels to achieve a comfortable identity and all of a sudden regret and negative feelings become water under the bridge. It can be surprising how people can move on and leave negative chapters of their life in the dust, rarely thinking about them.
This is the stage where things really come together and is the pinnacle of the Incel's situation. Of course, identity as an Incel can go so much deeper than just the strictest definition of "Involuntarily Celibate" as it can also relate to being involuntarily friendless. many self-identified incels are not strictly celibate as they may use escorts, have occasional one-night-stands, or even have girlfriends. I have talked to a great many incels who tell me they have girlfriends but they are not fully satisfied with the arrangement whether that may be the (lack of) leverage they hold in the relationship, amount of respect or loyalty they receive from their partner, unfair expectations being put on them (usually financial), or the physical caliber of their partner (they feel they are settling for less.)
Early Adulthood could be roughly marked as when you leave high school or college (although it can overlap with college) and leaving the environment of the high school or college environment puts the individual at a drastically heightened risk of isolation. Where a young man or woman was surrounded by a high concentration of similarly aged peers, they may suddenly be moving cities and starting their professional careers. Their new workplace will likely have much more limited options for friends and girlfriends as there might not be many coworkers and most of them will be much older than them. Further dating in the workplace is extremely discouraged today out of fear of sexual harassment complaints. Even good looking young professionals find this shock to be hard to handle and can feel isolated and depressed.
In this stage, meeting people in person is left to chance (friends and potential partners).
This leaves the primary way to connect with others as using online apps like social media (Instagram, TikTok) and dating apps (Tinder, Hinge.) For the less fortunate looking this is only going to work against him more since online profiles rely greatly on visual appearance. By this age young men might have beginning or even advanced male pattern baldness, their body is starting to gain fat more easily, not to mention the facial form they have always had.
Other changing societal factors influencing the shift to the importance of a mans appearance are women being able to provide for themselves (just as many recieve an education these days and women are now welcomed into professional roles) and Hypergamy as a result of wide-spread and socially acceptable polygamy (hook-up culture). Just generation ago women may place more importance on a mans ability to be a bread winner for her and their future family. Traditional morals were also more common. This isn't to say people haven't had casual sex and love escapades since the beginning of time but the typical "first date" of 2021 doesn't even resemble that of 1991 or even 2001. It used to be a standard that fucking on the first date was usually only a cheap date and not wife material. However these days banging on the first date is socially accepted and can be the beginning of a serious relationship. In fact it's so commonplace that not hooking up after the first hang out might even be taken as an insult and rejection.
So what is the Blackpill/Incel Movement to do? My suggestion is to play the game and meet the demand. Invest in yourself with intensive self-improvement and unapologetically take control of your identity.
One thing that really stuck with me was the basic theory of developmental stages of life.His Theory
Erik Erikson was a well-known psychologist in the field of developmental psychology. He theorized that there are roughly 8 key stages of life each of which having a central developmental goal and there are two basic outcomes: one is the goal of that stage being achieved and the other is it not being achieved. Since this is one psychological theory I really like I have brought it up to a handful of psychologists/psychiatrists over the past few years and of course they all say this is an oversimplification and some psychologists reject this completely. However the whole field of psychology is just arbitrary lines drawn in the sand anyway and it is going through a huge reproducibility crisis. So take this as a general concept and not like a strict set of rules. Because of cultural changes it is accepted that most of these stages actually overlap and the duration of them can last longer than the original outline proposed by Erikson in 1958.
How it applies to Incels
Some of the chief problems thought to cause incel status such as unattractive physical features and variants of autism certainly have an impact on the earlier formative stages of life. For example bullying and exclusion in school aged children, while often tamer than bullying in adolescence, can still communicate a lot to child about their worth. But there is nothing we can do about that now and regret is the most useless emotion
so we will move on to the two most relevant life stages.The self-identified incel is usually a young man who could fall into either the Adolescence or Early Adulthood stage. I feel strongly that the Adolescence period can be extended and even revisited with identity achievement at any age so don't skip if you are college age or 30.
Adolescence: Identity vs. Confusion & Psychosocial Moratorium
In this stage the individual is faced with an identity crisis which means figuring out who they are and feeling grounded in that. The only way to achieve this to enter a state a Psychosocial Moratorium.
Avoiding or being denied identity exploration in the form of 1.) social isolation or 2.) being forced to uphold restrictive identity limitations will result in either Identity Diffusion or Identity Forclosure (such as "I am an incel and that is all I will ever be" or "I am a loser with no purpose" or "I can't be/I have never considered being or trying ___")
Identity Moratorium is a stage where you feel free to question and try on many identities to see what "fits." Many readers probably recall peers in secondary school going through drastic chameleon-like change that may have seemed drastic and sudden. This also happens later in life - going off to college represents a "clean slate" for identity experimentation and many people take advantage of that at this time.
One reason some young men may not enter a moratorium is lack of confidence or social acceptance due to physical features they cannot control (facial form, height.) For example the physically gifted or "Early Bloomer" has the option to be anything he wants to be - his choices are socially reinforced no matter where he may go.
Meanwhile many teenage & college age boys and girls may not feel accepted in certain situations no matter what. Their ability to easily change friend groups or interests at the drop of a hat may be more limited by their peers initial negative perception of them. This negative social pressure can deter one from feeling unlimited in what place in the community they could hold. Many "desirable" identities may seem out of the question.
Some people may have made the honest attempt only to be ridiculed or judged. You have probably seen this negative reinforcement towards identity foreclosure being called "fake" "poser" "try-hard" etc. In other words many people feel like they need to be given permission to be a certain way or break from what is expected of them. That social permission being denied can be in the form of unsaid communication like unfriendly glares or maybe subtle backhanded comments, or using a judgemental or unenthusiastic tone. Permission granted may be enthusiastic compliments, general acceptance, or even blatant invitation and encouragement that they are really pulling this off. These interactions add up and can give less-fortunate appearing people the impression that they need to "know their place."
Luckily these developmental phases are not really set in stone so there is still a time for late bloomers or "looksmaxxed" incels to achieve a comfortable identity and all of a sudden regret and negative feelings become water under the bridge. It can be surprising how people can move on and leave negative chapters of their life in the dust, rarely thinking about them.
Early Adulthood: Intimacy vs. Isolation
This is the stage where things really come together and is the pinnacle of the Incel's situation. Of course, identity as an Incel can go so much deeper than just the strictest definition of "Involuntarily Celibate" as it can also relate to being involuntarily friendless. many self-identified incels are not strictly celibate as they may use escorts, have occasional one-night-stands, or even have girlfriends. I have talked to a great many incels who tell me they have girlfriends but they are not fully satisfied with the arrangement whether that may be the (lack of) leverage they hold in the relationship, amount of respect or loyalty they receive from their partner, unfair expectations being put on them (usually financial), or the physical caliber of their partner (they feel they are settling for less.)
Early Adulthood could be roughly marked as when you leave high school or college (although it can overlap with college) and leaving the environment of the high school or college environment puts the individual at a drastically heightened risk of isolation. Where a young man or woman was surrounded by a high concentration of similarly aged peers, they may suddenly be moving cities and starting their professional careers. Their new workplace will likely have much more limited options for friends and girlfriends as there might not be many coworkers and most of them will be much older than them. Further dating in the workplace is extremely discouraged today out of fear of sexual harassment complaints. Even good looking young professionals find this shock to be hard to handle and can feel isolated and depressed.
In this stage, meeting people in person is left to chance (friends and potential partners).
This leaves the primary way to connect with others as using online apps like social media (Instagram, TikTok) and dating apps (Tinder, Hinge.) For the less fortunate looking this is only going to work against him more since online profiles rely greatly on visual appearance. By this age young men might have beginning or even advanced male pattern baldness, their body is starting to gain fat more easily, not to mention the facial form they have always had.
Other changing societal factors influencing the shift to the importance of a mans appearance are women being able to provide for themselves (just as many recieve an education these days and women are now welcomed into professional roles) and Hypergamy as a result of wide-spread and socially acceptable polygamy (hook-up culture). Just generation ago women may place more importance on a mans ability to be a bread winner for her and their future family. Traditional morals were also more common. This isn't to say people haven't had casual sex and love escapades since the beginning of time but the typical "first date" of 2021 doesn't even resemble that of 1991 or even 2001. It used to be a standard that fucking on the first date was usually only a cheap date and not wife material. However these days banging on the first date is socially accepted and can be the beginning of a serious relationship. In fact it's so commonplace that not hooking up after the first hang out might even be taken as an insult and rejection.
So what is the Blackpill/Incel Movement to do? My suggestion is to play the game and meet the demand. Invest in yourself with intensive self-improvement and unapologetically take control of your identity.
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