Deleted member 20735
17//ForeverAlone//Subhuman//Truecel//Balding
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2022
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When I was 11 years old, I truly had absolutely no idea how the world really worked. It's understandable, isn't it? Unless you were in poverty, or in a broken home, I would fail to see how an 11 year old could possibly be exposed to the inner mechanisms of this society. For me, I'd already been bluepilled to the moon and back by my school. "Just be yourself, bro" was a mantra that I legitimately believed in. Now, I'd been tortured by other students for years before this. It wasn't even just bullying, it was full on torture. I was pushed up against a wall and choked in front of the teacher, was ridiculed multiple times for being "ugly", ridiculed for being in special education classes due to my autism, and much, much more than that. Every day was torture in school. I would constantly fear that someone could strike at any given time, from first grade to when I left brick and mortar at age 12, in the seventh grade. It got to the point where I'd purposely piss myself instead of going to the bathroom, because I was afraid someone would make fun of me in there, as it had happened multiple times before. Guess what? I got made fun of for pissing my pants! It never ends.......until sixth grade.
Sixth grade was an auspicious year for young I'dD8Riley. I'd always had a fairly jestermaxxed personality, but it didn't pay off until sixth grade. I started hanging out with some popular kids, and started making some friends. Now, I had never seen these people outside of school, but I didn't matter. I actually felt like I finally didn't need to worry about being attacked or bullied. With this paranoia gone, I started to develop feelings that I'd never had before due to my past torture. Mainly, I started to like girls. As 2016 turned into 2017, I was getting closer and closer to this one girl, which I will name Magnolia, as I don't want to use real names here. Magnolia was new to the school, and was already pretty popular. Before actually talking to her, I believed I had no chance. Yet, as I started to get closer and closer to her, she started to warm up to me a bit. She laughed at my jestermaxxing, she talked to me instead of others, and she would talk about me to other people. I thought that I had it made at this point. There was no way I could mess this opportunity up! I finally had a girl interested in me!
This all develops into the morning of May 1st, 2017. I was so excited to talk to her that morning. As I arrived into the gymnasium, where everyone sat in the bleachers before school, my friend greeted me at the door and asked me to come sit with him. Apparently, Magnolia wanted to talk with me! We walked over and sat on the side of the bleachers which I will label the "popular side". This is where the people sat that TO THIS DAY are still popular. As we sat down, I noticed Magnolia and her friend, Brittany, looked angry. I said hi, but Magnolia did not respond. They started whispering to themselves. I told my friend that this is weird, and he told me that they were "not happy" with me. All of the sudden, she says a sentence that to this day cuts me deep....."You know, when I came here, the first thing they told me was to stay away from you. They told me you're not a good person to be around." My face turned red and my eyes filled with tears. That's when Brittany stuck the knife in DEEP. Deep enough to lead me into inceldom, and deep enough to cause me trauma I will never get over.
"You do realize no one likes you here, right? You are a nobody. No one cares about you. You are ugly, so why would anyone care? You should probably just go kill yourself. No one would care anyway." I just sat there, in awe, and in disbelief, Every person in my grade turned around to hear her yell this at me. I couldn't say a single thing. I couldn't believe the words that just came from her mouth. I hadn't been tormented like this in almost a year, yet when I least expected it, it happened. Now, this sentence would be fairly tame for 2022 me, but at the time, I'd never been told to kill myself, or that I was a nobody. I'd been called ugly before, but never did I ever look into it. But now, I couldn't deny it. After this, I looked in the mirror and realized that she was RIGHT. I was, and am, ugly. I had finally realized what every single person in my school had been seeing for YEARS. And there was nothing I could do, besides remove myself from the situation. For good.
That night, I decided I was going to commit suicide. I had known what suicide was for about a year, due to the internet. I googled "best suicide methods", and somehow found my way onto Reddit, specifically the suicidewatch subreddit. I started reading the threads that people had posted. As I read the threads, I came across a fairly popular thread, where a man was describing why he should kill himself. Why is that? Because he was an incel. Innocent me looked up "incel" on Google, and came across the incel subreddit, which had not been taken down at this time. I started to read through the threads, and started to find solace in what these guys were saying. It made me feel like I was not alone, and it validated feelings that I couldn't even let out at the time. I found myself scrolling through the subreddit for a while, and looking at more incelish subreddits that night too, before going to bed. Reading what they wrote made me feel happy. It made me feel confident. It truly helped me. It helped me wake up the next day, go to school, and not really care. Of course, it wasn't the end of my confrontations with either woman in this story, but it didn't matter. After this, I didn't touch anything revolving incels until a year later.
Fast forward to 2022, and I am a subhuman trucel, that has no friends or relationships, and I never will. Even if I looksmax, no one will EVER want me.
Brutal.
Sixth grade was an auspicious year for young I'dD8Riley. I'd always had a fairly jestermaxxed personality, but it didn't pay off until sixth grade. I started hanging out with some popular kids, and started making some friends. Now, I had never seen these people outside of school, but I didn't matter. I actually felt like I finally didn't need to worry about being attacked or bullied. With this paranoia gone, I started to develop feelings that I'd never had before due to my past torture. Mainly, I started to like girls. As 2016 turned into 2017, I was getting closer and closer to this one girl, which I will name Magnolia, as I don't want to use real names here. Magnolia was new to the school, and was already pretty popular. Before actually talking to her, I believed I had no chance. Yet, as I started to get closer and closer to her, she started to warm up to me a bit. She laughed at my jestermaxxing, she talked to me instead of others, and she would talk about me to other people. I thought that I had it made at this point. There was no way I could mess this opportunity up! I finally had a girl interested in me!
This all develops into the morning of May 1st, 2017. I was so excited to talk to her that morning. As I arrived into the gymnasium, where everyone sat in the bleachers before school, my friend greeted me at the door and asked me to come sit with him. Apparently, Magnolia wanted to talk with me! We walked over and sat on the side of the bleachers which I will label the "popular side". This is where the people sat that TO THIS DAY are still popular. As we sat down, I noticed Magnolia and her friend, Brittany, looked angry. I said hi, but Magnolia did not respond. They started whispering to themselves. I told my friend that this is weird, and he told me that they were "not happy" with me. All of the sudden, she says a sentence that to this day cuts me deep....."You know, when I came here, the first thing they told me was to stay away from you. They told me you're not a good person to be around." My face turned red and my eyes filled with tears. That's when Brittany stuck the knife in DEEP. Deep enough to lead me into inceldom, and deep enough to cause me trauma I will never get over.
"You do realize no one likes you here, right? You are a nobody. No one cares about you. You are ugly, so why would anyone care? You should probably just go kill yourself. No one would care anyway." I just sat there, in awe, and in disbelief, Every person in my grade turned around to hear her yell this at me. I couldn't say a single thing. I couldn't believe the words that just came from her mouth. I hadn't been tormented like this in almost a year, yet when I least expected it, it happened. Now, this sentence would be fairly tame for 2022 me, but at the time, I'd never been told to kill myself, or that I was a nobody. I'd been called ugly before, but never did I ever look into it. But now, I couldn't deny it. After this, I looked in the mirror and realized that she was RIGHT. I was, and am, ugly. I had finally realized what every single person in my school had been seeing for YEARS. And there was nothing I could do, besides remove myself from the situation. For good.
That night, I decided I was going to commit suicide. I had known what suicide was for about a year, due to the internet. I googled "best suicide methods", and somehow found my way onto Reddit, specifically the suicidewatch subreddit. I started reading the threads that people had posted. As I read the threads, I came across a fairly popular thread, where a man was describing why he should kill himself. Why is that? Because he was an incel. Innocent me looked up "incel" on Google, and came across the incel subreddit, which had not been taken down at this time. I started to read through the threads, and started to find solace in what these guys were saying. It made me feel like I was not alone, and it validated feelings that I couldn't even let out at the time. I found myself scrolling through the subreddit for a while, and looking at more incelish subreddits that night too, before going to bed. Reading what they wrote made me feel happy. It made me feel confident. It truly helped me. It helped me wake up the next day, go to school, and not really care. Of course, it wasn't the end of my confrontations with either woman in this story, but it didn't matter. After this, I didn't touch anything revolving incels until a year later.
Fast forward to 2022, and I am a subhuman trucel, that has no friends or relationships, and I never will. Even if I looksmax, no one will EVER want me.
Brutal.
