Cutecel2001
KHHV 22 YEARS OLD
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2021
- Posts
- 7,093
- Reputation
- 4,589
In 2019 I fell into a severe depression.
My parents decided to put me in a residence hall when I was going to start my first Computer Science course. I couldn't leave my room and I locked myself every time there was a knock on my door. After a week, I couldn't make friends and I always went to the dining room with two lorazepam pills in my body. I couldn't take it anymore and decided not to go back to university. My parents had a hard time understanding it, but I finally stopped going (even though they had to pay for a month of residency).
After that, I returned to my home town. During that year, I was practically alone at home while my parents went to work. I wondered if my life failures and social anxiety were due to my lack of physical attractiveness. Therefore, I made an account on Reddit and published my first post on r/truerateme. In a comment I saw that a user was talking about the looksmax.org forum and I decided to register.
As soon as I registered, I posted my first thread in the "rate me" subforum. They were all negative comments and I fell into a strong depression because of my physical appearance. Added to the loneliness I felt, music helped me cope with this state of mind. I took refuge in Nirvana, and Kurt Cobain was my idol (to this day). Thanks to him I "learned" to play the guitar. My first "song", when I had been "playing" for a week or two, was this (I could recover the audio of my laptop, this is from 2019):
I continued to improve and was able to do better things:
This hobby prevented me from hanging myself or cutting my wrists. That year I also started registering on dating apps without any success (like today), but thanks to this forum and the blackpill I decided to improve my physique and appearance.
I started lifting weights and improving my skin, so I took accutane and did a facial routine. However, to this day I am still khhv and I think this is a loop that I will never be able to get out of. For this reason I keep opening the same threads day after day. I'm a genetic trash.
I don't know if this is a thread to ask for help or to vent, but here it goes.
My parents decided to put me in a residence hall when I was going to start my first Computer Science course. I couldn't leave my room and I locked myself every time there was a knock on my door. After a week, I couldn't make friends and I always went to the dining room with two lorazepam pills in my body. I couldn't take it anymore and decided not to go back to university. My parents had a hard time understanding it, but I finally stopped going (even though they had to pay for a month of residency).
After that, I returned to my home town. During that year, I was practically alone at home while my parents went to work. I wondered if my life failures and social anxiety were due to my lack of physical attractiveness. Therefore, I made an account on Reddit and published my first post on r/truerateme. In a comment I saw that a user was talking about the looksmax.org forum and I decided to register.
As soon as I registered, I posted my first thread in the "rate me" subforum. They were all negative comments and I fell into a strong depression because of my physical appearance. Added to the loneliness I felt, music helped me cope with this state of mind. I took refuge in Nirvana, and Kurt Cobain was my idol (to this day). Thanks to him I "learned" to play the guitar. My first "song", when I had been "playing" for a week or two, was this (I could recover the audio of my laptop, this is from 2019):
I continued to improve and was able to do better things:
This hobby prevented me from hanging myself or cutting my wrists. That year I also started registering on dating apps without any success (like today), but thanks to this forum and the blackpill I decided to improve my physique and appearance.
I started lifting weights and improving my skin, so I took accutane and did a facial routine. However, to this day I am still khhv and I think this is a loop that I will never be able to get out of. For this reason I keep opening the same threads day after day. I'm a genetic trash.
I don't know if this is a thread to ask for help or to vent, but here it goes.
