Hollywood
Golden Boy
- Joined
- May 31, 2026
- Posts
- 1,765
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Story time LADS:
Me and my boy were cruising, windows down, some trash music playing, talking about how we're both subhuman and our lives are going nowhere.
Classic afternoon.
Then some lad in the Snapchat group drops: "mad police presence at the local park, blue lights everywhere".
Next message: "someone got stabbed fr".
As the retards we are, we decide "let's go have a look, be nosy". What could possibly go wrong?
We roll up down this cul-de-sac towards the park. Spot armed police at the bottom - proper tactical gear, the lot.
We shit ourselves instantly, slam a 3-point turn and try to bail. Too late. Two police SUVs fly in and box us in like it's the ending of a Jason Bourne film.
Doors burst open, MP5s drawn, "GET THE FUCK OUT THE CAR" energy.
They drag us out, slam us against the bonnet. My heart was doing 200bpm, thinking this is how I become someone's prison bitch.
Cop asks what we're doing. I stutter: "We just heard something went down and came to be nosy, I swear."
He goes "show me the messages".
I open the groupchat with shaky hands and hand over the phone.
First message that loads: MY message - "IT WAS ME, I STABBED HIM" + knife emoji + laughing faces.
Officer's face instantly switches.
Phone snatched, I'm slammed harder, searched, cuffs on.
"You're under arrest on suspicion of murder."
My boy is standing there white as a ghost.
I'm yelling "it's a joke, dark humour, look at the context bro!!" but they're hearing none of it.
Car seized. Full forensic sweep for blood, knife, bloody clothes - everything. I'm sat in the van thinking my looksmaxxing arc is over forever.
Hours later they come back: nothing found. They uncuff me and give me the most savage bollocking of my life:
"You are a fucking idiot. Do you have any idea how stupid this is? People are dead and you're posting jokes like that?"
Slap on the wrist, let us go.
We drove off shaking, stopped at Subway for Meatball Marinara footlongs (extra cheese obv), then went straight home.
JFL at how one ironic groupchat message nearly ruined my life
Moral of the story:
Never post dark humour if you're gonna go sightseeing at active crime scenes. Always have your alibi ready lads.
Anyone else got arrested for retarded reasons?
Rate my skull for surviving this
@blinkers @Lemic @Mob Boss @Masty @socio
Me and my boy were cruising, windows down, some trash music playing, talking about how we're both subhuman and our lives are going nowhere.
Classic afternoon.
Then some lad in the Snapchat group drops: "mad police presence at the local park, blue lights everywhere".
Next message: "someone got stabbed fr".
As the retards we are, we decide "let's go have a look, be nosy". What could possibly go wrong?
We roll up down this cul-de-sac towards the park. Spot armed police at the bottom - proper tactical gear, the lot.
We shit ourselves instantly, slam a 3-point turn and try to bail. Too late. Two police SUVs fly in and box us in like it's the ending of a Jason Bourne film.
Doors burst open, MP5s drawn, "GET THE FUCK OUT THE CAR" energy.
They drag us out, slam us against the bonnet. My heart was doing 200bpm, thinking this is how I become someone's prison bitch.
Cop asks what we're doing. I stutter: "We just heard something went down and came to be nosy, I swear."
He goes "show me the messages".
I open the groupchat with shaky hands and hand over the phone.
First message that loads: MY message - "IT WAS ME, I STABBED HIM" + knife emoji + laughing faces.
Officer's face instantly switches.
Phone snatched, I'm slammed harder, searched, cuffs on.
"You're under arrest on suspicion of murder."
My boy is standing there white as a ghost.
I'm yelling "it's a joke, dark humour, look at the context bro!!" but they're hearing none of it.
Car seized. Full forensic sweep for blood, knife, bloody clothes - everything. I'm sat in the van thinking my looksmaxxing arc is over forever.
Hours later they come back: nothing found. They uncuff me and give me the most savage bollocking of my life:
"You are a fucking idiot. Do you have any idea how stupid this is? People are dead and you're posting jokes like that?"
Slap on the wrist, let us go.
We drove off shaking, stopped at Subway for Meatball Marinara footlongs (extra cheese obv), then went straight home.
JFL at how one ironic groupchat message nearly ruined my life
Moral of the story:
Never post dark humour if you're gonna go sightseeing at active crime scenes. Always have your alibi ready lads.
Anyone else got arrested for retarded reasons?
Rate my skull for surviving this
@blinkers @Lemic @Mob Boss @Masty @socio
