oxytocincel
i <3 ecstacy
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As you may know, I have spent the last month of my life trying to overcome the fact that I cannot talk to people that I don't know. I have tried various methods, and in this post I will discuss which methods worked well compared to which ones were copes or straight up bullshit.
For a bit of backstory, I'm 17 and most likely have autism. I've always found it pretty difficult to be social, and the first major sign of this was when I was 3 or 4 in preschool. I actually ended up being held back from starting Kindergarten because I "wasn't social enough" which was 100% true. Throughout my school years, this trend continued. I almost always had a small group of people that I would exclusively talk to, and the others I would find extremely difficult to talk to. As I got older, I began to realise how important being social was, and this is when I started seeing a psychologist. I also started working as a floorworker at a local fruit market in an attempt to improve my social skills. After going down the rabbit hole, I found out that drugs could also help, which leads to where I am currently.
Listed below are the methods I utilised in an attempt to fix myself in the order of use:
Psychology - I saw a psychologist weekly for roughly 4 months whilst I was 13. During this period of time, I would frequently have panic attacks and struggled with self-esteem. He ended up being fucking useless, and was essentially a paid friend to talk to and gave me dogshit 'strategies' which included deep breathing and journaling. I would not recommend seeing a psychologist, as if you have friends, they will most likely be more helpful and it will feel more genuine.
Job - I worked at this job for roughly a year, and it forced me to interact with bosses, co-workers, and customers daily. This helped to push me out of my comfort zone and even better, I was paid to improve my social skills. I highly recommend this method as you will eventually need a job, if you are younger it will allow you to have the money for your first car, and it really throws you in the deep end.
Alcohol - I rarely use alcohol now as it descends you, but before I cared about that, I would day-drink constantly. It is super effective at masking signs of autism, makes you less of a tight-ass, and makes you more approachable. If not used effectively, it can ruin your routine, pumps, and in high concentration can give you whiskey dick and can fuck up your liver and kidneys. With these positives and negatives in mind, I would say that alcohol is effective if used in moderation (not getting piss drunk every day) and is more beneficial than harmful in the short-term and is one of the best methods as it is legal, more socially acceptable than other drugs, and is easily accessible.
Weed - I would use weed daily as a "break from reality". In full honesty, I have absolutely nothing but positive things to say regarding it other than the fact that it made me semi-schizophrenic. I first started to use it daily after I went through a loss of family, and no matter the headspace I was in prior to smoking, that would change the second I had smoke going down my lungs. I have varied usage over time, going from using it once a weekend socially, then a few times a week, to multiple times daily to be constantly high. Do not let weed control your life though, it's important to find that right balance so it doesn't mess up your routine. From personal use, it would ruin my gym sessions if I was still noticeably fried while at the gym, however to get around this I would usually go to the gym just as it's effects died down and then get high again when I returned home. Some of it's negative effects include sleep disruption, lack of productivity, and increased appetite. However, it is a very effective coping mechanism and is relatively safe to use as it isn't too harmful to your health.
Stimulants (Dexamphetamine and Ritalin) - I have used stimulants for a few months now, and it has changed my life. I frequently use dexamphetamine, and it is incredibly helpful other than the fact that it keeps you awake (can be used to your advantage). If you don't know what dexies are, think of roidmaxxed caffeine. It gives you energy, increases productivity, and makes everything more fun, including talking to people. They are also relatively cheap, which is why I believe it is an effective method to use daily. The main negative though is the fact that it affects skin quality and can cause your skin to break out, but I still recommend it overall.
MDMA - I have documented most of my journey using MDMA, and it was by far the most impactful method I used. Over the period of time I was experimenting with M, I took 3 doses (2 significant doses). My first dose consisted of 100mg which was taken with 20mg of Dexamphetamine, 3 beers, and a fuck ton of weed. My second dose was only 30mg taken with a THC cart, and my third dose was about 60mg taken with 5mg of Dexamphetamine. Also, the first dose was taken at a party, the second at home alone, and the third while chilling with some friends. My conclusion of the experiment is that the first dose matters the most. It put me into a state where I was still in control but had a crazy level of confidence (from the alc), I had insane levels of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine (from the M and Dexies) and no cortisol making me super laid-back (from the THC cart). For the first time in my sad life, I was able to talk to anyone in the party (including people from my old HS) and I was finally comfortable. The only time I felt that the drugs were dangerous was when I was holding back the urge to make out with every foid in the room. However, the reason I believe the first dose matters the most is the fact that it makes you realise that you can do it, because if you did it then, why can't you now? The outcome of utilising MDMA to overcome anxiety heavily relies on the environment in which you are affected by it.
SSRIs (Escitalopram) - I was recently prescribed with anti-depressants. My primary reason of wanting these was because I accidentally went cold turkey from 4 substances. It was mildly effective, as it made me happier when I used the right dosage. However, I would frequently overdose on purpose and mixed it with other stuff (alcohol, dexies, and weed) if something bad happened to me. This always makes me feel like shit, but sedates me to the point where I don't wanna kill myself anymore. I would recommend this if you don't want to take illicit drugs, but don't overdose. 10mg daily was the perfect amount for me.
TLDR; Copes are psychology, and MDMA after your first dose. Effective drugs include your first dose of MDMA, alcohol, SSRIs, dexamphetamine, and weed. If you're wanting to use drugs daily, I would recommend SSRIs, stimulants and alcohol for social environments, but if you rot at home, I'd recommend weed.
I will also most likely update this post in the future, making it more visibly appealing and I will go more in depth on each method but just wanted to get something out for now.
For a bit of backstory, I'm 17 and most likely have autism. I've always found it pretty difficult to be social, and the first major sign of this was when I was 3 or 4 in preschool. I actually ended up being held back from starting Kindergarten because I "wasn't social enough" which was 100% true. Throughout my school years, this trend continued. I almost always had a small group of people that I would exclusively talk to, and the others I would find extremely difficult to talk to. As I got older, I began to realise how important being social was, and this is when I started seeing a psychologist. I also started working as a floorworker at a local fruit market in an attempt to improve my social skills. After going down the rabbit hole, I found out that drugs could also help, which leads to where I am currently.
Listed below are the methods I utilised in an attempt to fix myself in the order of use:
Psychology - I saw a psychologist weekly for roughly 4 months whilst I was 13. During this period of time, I would frequently have panic attacks and struggled with self-esteem. He ended up being fucking useless, and was essentially a paid friend to talk to and gave me dogshit 'strategies' which included deep breathing and journaling. I would not recommend seeing a psychologist, as if you have friends, they will most likely be more helpful and it will feel more genuine.
Job - I worked at this job for roughly a year, and it forced me to interact with bosses, co-workers, and customers daily. This helped to push me out of my comfort zone and even better, I was paid to improve my social skills. I highly recommend this method as you will eventually need a job, if you are younger it will allow you to have the money for your first car, and it really throws you in the deep end.
Alcohol - I rarely use alcohol now as it descends you, but before I cared about that, I would day-drink constantly. It is super effective at masking signs of autism, makes you less of a tight-ass, and makes you more approachable. If not used effectively, it can ruin your routine, pumps, and in high concentration can give you whiskey dick and can fuck up your liver and kidneys. With these positives and negatives in mind, I would say that alcohol is effective if used in moderation (not getting piss drunk every day) and is more beneficial than harmful in the short-term and is one of the best methods as it is legal, more socially acceptable than other drugs, and is easily accessible.
Weed - I would use weed daily as a "break from reality". In full honesty, I have absolutely nothing but positive things to say regarding it other than the fact that it made me semi-schizophrenic. I first started to use it daily after I went through a loss of family, and no matter the headspace I was in prior to smoking, that would change the second I had smoke going down my lungs. I have varied usage over time, going from using it once a weekend socially, then a few times a week, to multiple times daily to be constantly high. Do not let weed control your life though, it's important to find that right balance so it doesn't mess up your routine. From personal use, it would ruin my gym sessions if I was still noticeably fried while at the gym, however to get around this I would usually go to the gym just as it's effects died down and then get high again when I returned home. Some of it's negative effects include sleep disruption, lack of productivity, and increased appetite. However, it is a very effective coping mechanism and is relatively safe to use as it isn't too harmful to your health.
Stimulants (Dexamphetamine and Ritalin) - I have used stimulants for a few months now, and it has changed my life. I frequently use dexamphetamine, and it is incredibly helpful other than the fact that it keeps you awake (can be used to your advantage). If you don't know what dexies are, think of roidmaxxed caffeine. It gives you energy, increases productivity, and makes everything more fun, including talking to people. They are also relatively cheap, which is why I believe it is an effective method to use daily. The main negative though is the fact that it affects skin quality and can cause your skin to break out, but I still recommend it overall.
MDMA - I have documented most of my journey using MDMA, and it was by far the most impactful method I used. Over the period of time I was experimenting with M, I took 3 doses (2 significant doses). My first dose consisted of 100mg which was taken with 20mg of Dexamphetamine, 3 beers, and a fuck ton of weed. My second dose was only 30mg taken with a THC cart, and my third dose was about 60mg taken with 5mg of Dexamphetamine. Also, the first dose was taken at a party, the second at home alone, and the third while chilling with some friends. My conclusion of the experiment is that the first dose matters the most. It put me into a state where I was still in control but had a crazy level of confidence (from the alc), I had insane levels of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine (from the M and Dexies) and no cortisol making me super laid-back (from the THC cart). For the first time in my sad life, I was able to talk to anyone in the party (including people from my old HS) and I was finally comfortable. The only time I felt that the drugs were dangerous was when I was holding back the urge to make out with every foid in the room. However, the reason I believe the first dose matters the most is the fact that it makes you realise that you can do it, because if you did it then, why can't you now? The outcome of utilising MDMA to overcome anxiety heavily relies on the environment in which you are affected by it.
SSRIs (Escitalopram) - I was recently prescribed with anti-depressants. My primary reason of wanting these was because I accidentally went cold turkey from 4 substances. It was mildly effective, as it made me happier when I used the right dosage. However, I would frequently overdose on purpose and mixed it with other stuff (alcohol, dexies, and weed) if something bad happened to me. This always makes me feel like shit, but sedates me to the point where I don't wanna kill myself anymore. I would recommend this if you don't want to take illicit drugs, but don't overdose. 10mg daily was the perfect amount for me.
TLDR; Copes are psychology, and MDMA after your first dose. Effective drugs include your first dose of MDMA, alcohol, SSRIs, dexamphetamine, and weed. If you're wanting to use drugs daily, I would recommend SSRIs, stimulants and alcohol for social environments, but if you rot at home, I'd recommend weed.
I will also most likely update this post in the future, making it more visibly appealing and I will go more in depth on each method but just wanted to get something out for now.
