How jestermaxxing ruined my life

[pslmoggergreycel]

This is going to be a long one so just tune in if you want.

Growing up less fortunate with dumb young parents, I spent most of my childhood eating fast foods, candy and cereal. Even when I was offered up a meal or forced to eat I would find a way to avoid and eat a shittier alternative and call it a day. I now have a small skull, I’m retarded, and not a single bone in my entire face is prominent and is clearly underdeveloped. I am an asthmacel, have eczema that spreads across my entire body, my teeth appear fucking huge and my parents don’t give a shit about it and I have behavioural issues which I can only assume was due to nutrient deficiency. I took it too far earlier today when I lost a fight in warzone and proceeded to walk in my kitchen and stab myself in the arm 3 times. I noticed about a minute later that blood was coming from every cut.

I have been a jester my entire life due to my inability to correctly fit in no matter who it is I am speaking to, and even the friends I have known since I was a little kid have never included me in anything, which I can never hate them for because they are my boys but at the end of the day I am an annoying nuisance to be around. I can even recall when I was in kindergarten and was larping as some girl in my classroom’s dog and she was walking me around the classroom acting as my owner. Fucking jester since I was conceived quite frankly. I can even recall in middle school where my friend dropped a McDonald’s sandwich on the floor while I was on the bus with my friend and some people that knew them, and I proceeded to pick it up and take a bite out of it. As uncool as they were I felt obliged to be funny to fit in, but to my surprise they weren’t fucking with me because of that and it ticked them off for the entirety of the time I was with them.

I’m 16 and I am deteriorating as I grow older; my father looks at me as a failure who doesn’t go outside and plays video games through his entire life, my grandmother doesn’t believe I am capable of anything and I am not aloud outside for extensive periods of time, and my sister thinks I am a gross little pussy because my jester mentality couldn’t even be restrained to not inform her about all of the looksmaxxing and blackpill shit I have indulged in for about a year now, and my mom who was the only person I truly felt loved by is no longer in my life.

I have never held a girls hand, I have been jerking off and haven’t went even a week without it since I was 8 years old, I can’t even imagine how many girls at my school I have creeped out, and I only realised about 4 months ago that the only reason just about anyone fucks with me is because I have an obligation to constantly make myself the butt of jokes, which is only successful when they are actually in the mood for it. Every fucking person I get close to eventually looks at me as annoying, or an asshole, and I don’t know how to contain myself. Nobody would ever see this side of me considering I am a mixed 6 foot nigger who dresses ordinarily, and you would honestly believe I have a chill persona until I eventually slip up and fuck up someone’s impressions of me

I am beginning to cry just about every day because I don’t have an ounce of testosterone in me and dwell over any girl I even cross paths with. Seriously what went wrong with me. I failed math my freshman year and had to be stuck in a classroom full of younger kids for a semester, I then failed science which I am doing summer school for eventually, I failed math this semester and have to redo it next year aswell. My father would prefer I keep my pc setup in the scorching hot living room as opposed to simply moving it into my air conditioned room because I am just that much of a worthless failure. Seriously fml

 

[v0lcel]

I think you create this belief that you are a loser because of external factors. Your past of unoptimal development, your current diseases, your appearance, your cringe past, your failures... all that makes a good reason to believe it is the case. you hold so much anger at the world and at yourself that you only see it that way, there s no escape or remedy to this aching pain. The truth is that hapiness is not lived through these externals factors. In fact, you could be the opposite of everything you described and still be unhappy. The reality is that your mind create a new base of happiness when finally reaching it, and create another one to find a reason to be unhappy, and the cycle repeats... until your death. That is the fate of every humans that aren t aware of it, and being on this forum will certainly not help, considering it s an echo chamber that repeats to you that the key to your hapiness is lived through your looks, status, social circle... believe me, as someone who used to have everything to be happy, i still found ways to be unhappy, through new surgeries, new athletic goals, new skills to master... it s the same way for every "unaware" people, even good looking, rich or/ and surrounded by good people, and there s a lot of documentation on that, and you see it everyday, dont tell yourself that you will be the exception/ happy if you have what they have, because you wont.
To further prove my theory, imagine you were a 3'6, disfigured, missing limbs, tortured everyday by his social environment. Being your current self would be more than a dream for him, but after being your current self, he would still find ways to be unhappy, IF he was unaware. That is the same way for you. Even if you had somehow projected facial features, a good skull, no diseases or whatever you re struggling right now, you WILL not be happy, no matter what. So how do you fix that? Well be aware my nigga.
Self improvement and non judgemental thinking is the natural way awareness expresse itself, not comparaison or projection, or identification with the point of view of your social environment, past, future, current struggles...
Workout, meditate, study, find a job/ build a business, forget about girls (for now nigga), upgrade your current company (by leaving them, not changing them; spoiler alert: you cant), cut out video games (AT LEAST for the time you improve yourself, after that you can play everytime you want), review your past WITH NO JUDGMENT (observe it, dont attach any thoughts to it)... daily action of improvement will give you hope and a will to live and an actual fucking meaning to this game called LIFE. And even if you dont succeed in what you set out yourself to achieve or find mini struggles along the way, AT LEAST TRY, because that s what keep your mind and body happy nigga.

 

[pslmoggergreycel]

I think you create this belief that you are a loser because of external factors. Your past of unoptimal development, your current diseases, your appearance, your cringe past, your failures... all that makes a good reason to believe it is the case. you hold so much anger at the world and at yourself that you only see it that way, there s no escape or remedy to this aching pain. The truth is that hapiness is not lived through these externals factors. In fact, you could be the opposite of everything you described and still be unhappy. The reality is that your mind create a new base of happiness when finally reaching it, and create another one to find a reason to be unhappy, and the cycle repeats... until your death. That is the fate of every humans that aren t aware of it, and being on this forum will certainly not help, considering it s an echo chamber that repeats to you that the key to your hapiness is lived through your looks, status, social circle... believe me, as someone who used to have everything to be happy, i still found ways to be unhappy, through new surgeries, new athletic goals, new skills to master... it s the same way for every "unaware" people, even good looking, rich or/ and surrounded by good people, and there s a lot of documentation on that, and you see it everyday, dont tell yourself that you will be the exception/ happy if you have what they have, because you wont.
To further prove my theory, imagine you were a 3'6, disfigured, missing limbs, tortured everyday by his social environment. Being your current self would be more than a dream for him, but after being your current self, he would still find ways to be unhappy, IF he was unaware. That is the same way for you. Even if you had somehow projected facial features, a good skull, no diseases or whatever you re struggling right now, you WILL not be happy, no matter what. So how do you fix that? Well be aware my nigga.
Self improvement and non judgemental thinking is the natural way awareness expresse itself, not comparaison or projection, or identification with the point of view of your social environment, past, future, current struggles...
Workout, meditate, study, find a job/ build a business, forget about girls (for now nigga), upgrade your current company (by leaving them, not changing them; spoiler alert: you cant), cut out video games (AT LEAST for the time you improve yourself, after that you can play everytime you want), review your past WITH NO JUDGMENT (observe it, dont attach any thoughts to it)... daily action of improvement will give you hope and a will to live and an actual fucking meaning to this game called LIFE. And even if you dont succeed in what you set out yourself to achieve or find mini struggles along the way, AT LEAST TRY, because that s what keep your mind and body happy nigga.

Thank you for the fuel, nigga.

 

[v0lcel]

Thank you for the fuel, nigga.

You re welcome, nga

 

[DrRodger]

I think you create this belief that you are a loser because of external factors. Your past of unoptimal development, your current diseases, your appearance, your cringe past, your failures... all that makes a good reason to believe it is the case. you hold so much anger at the world and at yourself that you only see it that way, there s no escape or remedy to this aching pain. The truth is that hapiness is not lived through these externals factors. In fact, you could be the opposite of everything you described and still be unhappy. The reality is that your mind create a new base of happiness when finally reaching it, and create another one to find a reason to be unhappy, and the cycle repeats... until your death. That is the fate of every humans that aren t aware of it, and being on this forum will certainly not help, considering it s an echo chamber that repeats to you that the key to your hapiness is lived through your looks, status, social circle... believe me, as someone who used to have everything to be happy, i still found ways to be unhappy, through new surgeries, new athletic goals, new skills to master... it s the same way for every "unaware" people, even good looking, rich or/ and surrounded by good people, and there s a lot of documentation on that, and you see it everyday, dont tell yourself that you will be the exception/ happy if you have what they have, because you wont.
To further prove my theory, imagine you were a 3'6, disfigured, missing limbs, tortured everyday by his social environment. Being your current self would be more than a dream for him, but after being your current self, he would still find ways to be unhappy, IF he was unaware. That is the same way for you. Even if you had somehow projected facial features, a good skull, no diseases or whatever you re struggling right now, you WILL not be happy, no matter what. So how do you fix that? Well be aware my nigga.
Self improvement and non judgemental thinking is the natural way awareness expresse itself, not comparaison or projection, or identification with the point of view of your social environment, past, future, current struggles...
Workout, meditate, study, find a job/ build a business, forget about girls (for now nigga), upgrade your current company (by leaving them, not changing them; spoiler alert: you cant), cut out video games (AT LEAST for the time you improve yourself, after that you can play everytime you want), review your past WITH NO JUDGMENT (observe it, dont attach any thoughts to it)... daily action of improvement will give you hope and a will to live and an actual fucking meaning to this game called LIFE. And even if you dont succeed in what you set out yourself to achieve or find mini struggles along the way, AT LEAST TRY, because that s what keep your mind and body happy nigga.

Wall of dnr

 

[niggaboy0321]

DNR

 

[pslmoggergreycel]

DNR

Roger