How to get over a breakup that wasn't about "looks"?

[4ever]

I'm a pretty rational person. When there is a problem, I try to identify it and fix it or improve.
In attraction looks, money, status play a huge role, I don't have to explain that to anyone.

But what if a girl / situationship/ whatnot breaks up with you when LMS wasn't the (real) problem? Sure, if I was billionaire Chad, she probably would've put up with a lot more.

Conventional wisdom will tell you to not look back and level up after a breakup.
But I feel like the common glow up would be misaligned effort here. I made her feel insecure and underappreciated. Now she hates me and wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Trying to increase my external perceived value would surely increase my overall life experience by making hedonistic opportunities more accessible, acting as an easy distraction for what I actually desire(d).

Maybe I'm too much of a hopeless romantic and see my value higher than she sees it. Maybe all of the emotional justifications for why it's over are gaslighting and cope, to justify why she thinks she can do better.
Or maybe me thinking like this is the pattern that lead me to this mess in the first place.

I guess I could test this by finding out who she is seeing now, but I need to protect my soul and time. Also I'm not a cuck.


Things I could improve:
- style (jewelry, rings, bracelet, etc)
- teeth bleaching
- melanotan 1
- start posting more on social media
- learn new skill (get digital camera, take cool pictures)

But let's be real, how much will that actually help me. Maybe quite a bit? Maybe barely at all.

My biggest "glow up" came from getting lean, clear skin, good hairstyle, gym for 2.5 years regularly.

Maybe I should also stop calling myself sensitive young man. Might be counterproductive to my self image.

 

[Minnie lacking]

why are you calling yourself a sensitive young man?

but i get what you mean to me something more than looks has mattered like being truly seen or something but i myself dont truly know myself so how do i except someone else to

 

[accinr]

learn from your mistakes and make the next girl feel appreciated and valued

 

[Fynn]

learn from your mistakes and make the next girl feel appreciated and valued

 

[ltbsmagnet]

I'm a pretty rational person. When there is a problem, I try to identify it and fix it or improve.
In attraction looks, money, status play a huge role, I don't have to explain that to anyone.

But what if a girl / situationship/ whatnot breaks up with you when LMS wasn't the (real) problem? Sure, if I was billionaire Chad, she probably would've put up with a lot more.

Conventional wisdom will tell you to not look back and level up after a breakup.
But I feel like the common glow up would be misaligned effort here. I made her feel insecure and underappreciated. Now she hates me and wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Trying to increase my external perceived value would surely increase my overall life experience by making hedonistic opportunities more accessible, acting as an easy distraction for what I actually desire(d).

Maybe I'm too much of a hopeless romantic and see my value higher than she sees it. Maybe all of the emotional justifications for why it's over are gaslighting and cope, to justify why she thinks she can do better.
Or maybe me thinking like this is the pattern that lead me to this mess in the first place.

I guess I could test this by finding out who she is seeing now, but I need to protect my soul and time. Also I'm not a cuck.


Things I could improve:
- style (jewelry, rings, bracelet, etc)
- teeth bleaching
- melanotan 1
- start posting more on social media
- learn new skill (get digital camera, take cool pictures)

But let's be real, how much will that actually help me. Maybe quite a bit? Maybe barely at all.

My biggest "glow up" came from getting lean, clear skin, good hairstyle, gym for 2.5 years regularly.

Maybe I should also stop calling myself sensitive young man. Might be counterproductive to my self image.

sorry dnr but the best healer is time, as the time passes you will get over her. just don’t ldar and actually go out with ur friends or approach other foids

 

[AscendHQ]

I'm a pretty rational person. When there is a problem, I try to identify it and fix it or improve.
In attraction looks, money, status play a huge role, I don't have to explain that to anyone.

But what if a girl / situationship/ whatnot breaks up with you when LMS wasn't the (real) problem? Sure, if I was billionaire Chad, she probably would've put up with a lot more.

Conventional wisdom will tell you to not look back and level up after a breakup.
But I feel like the common glow up would be misaligned effort here. I made her feel insecure and underappreciated. Now she hates me and wants nothing to do with me anymore.

Trying to increase my external perceived value would surely increase my overall life experience by making hedonistic opportunities more accessible, acting as an easy distraction for what I actually desire(d).

Maybe I'm too much of a hopeless romantic and see my value higher than she sees it. Maybe all of the emotional justifications for why it's over are gaslighting and cope, to justify why she thinks she can do better.
Or maybe me thinking like this is the pattern that lead me to this mess in the first place.

I guess I could test this by finding out who she is seeing now, but I need to protect my soul and time. Also I'm not a cuck.


Things I could improve:
- style (jewelry, rings, bracelet, etc)
- teeth bleaching
- melanotan 1
- start posting more on social media
- learn new skill (get digital camera, take cool pictures)

But let's be real, how much will that actually help me. Maybe quite a bit? Maybe barely at all.

My biggest "glow up" came from getting lean, clear skin, good hairstyle, gym for 2.5 years regularly.

Maybe I should also stop calling myself sensitive young man. Might be counterproductive to my self image.

Idk

 

[4ever]

why are you calling yourself a sensitive young man?

but i get what you mean to me something more than looks has mattered like being truly seen or something but i myself dont truly know myself so how do i except someone else to

Mostly for the memes, but it feels like making one struggle your personality. Victimizing yourself to be liked and putting yourself in a lower state.

 

[Minnie lacking]

Mostly for the memes, but it feels like making one struggle your personality. Victimizing yourself to be liked and putting yourself in a lower state.

i feel as if you can be a sensitive young man without victimizing yourself, i think sensitivity can be a pro in some aspects its probably going to hurt you over all if you allow it to but i think if you mange it it can allow you to live and love better than some cold rock, but i guess its like everything in life

 

[4ever]

learn from your mistakes and make the next girl feel appreciated and valued

Made many mistakes but I tried. When I finally could do better she already checked out.

Scarcity is one problem for me. I feel like I lack opportunities to meet girls. Where do you even meet them? Go to events more? But what are the odds of actually connecting with someone when you are slightly ND and very busy?
And with time passing, the window of meeting someone closes.

That's why I thought a social media account would help me. You can be as cool, capable and attractive as you want, but if no one sees it, it doesn't matter.

At the end she kept saying that I need to "find myself"