asdvek
Nautica Malone
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2024
- Posts
- 63,839
- Reputation
- 100,045
The Sewer Rat Sushi Guide: From Toilet to Table
Part 1: The Hunt
Step 1: Prepare Your Bait
- Ingredient: Any leftover pizza, stale bread, or that questionable meat from the back of your fridge.
- Method: Toss it into your toilet bowl. Make sure it's something that would make even the most discerning rat drool.
Step 2: Lure the Beast
- Wait Time: Give it about 15 minutes. If you're lucky, you'll hear a faint scratching sound. If not, maybe try again with a different bait—rats are picky eaters, you know.
Step 3: The Capture
- Tools Needed: A sturdy net, a flashlight, and a pair of gloves (optional, but recommended for hygiene).
- Method: When you hear the telltale sounds of a rat munching on your offering, quickly but quietly lift the toilet seat. Shine your flashlight down there and, with a swift motion, net the rat. It's like fishing, but with more potential for surprise.
Step 4: Containment
- Container: A large, sturdy bucket with a lid. Make sure it has ventilation holes, because you don't want to cook your catch before it's time.
- Method: Transfer the rat from the net to the bucket. Secure the lid and pat yourself on the back for a job well done.
Part 2: The Feast
Step 1: Prep Your Catch
- Cleaning: Give the rat a good rinse under cold water. This is where those gloves come in handy.
- Method: Pat it dry with a paper towel. You're not trying to win any beauty contests here, so don't worry about making it presentable.
Step 2: Serving Raw
- Method: Place the rat on a bed of fresh lettuce or cabbage leaves. You can garnish it with a sprinkle of sea salt and a squeeze of lime for that extra zing. Think of it as the ultimate sushi experience, but with a sewer twist.
Step 3: Enjoy!
- Tips: Close your eyes and imagine you're dining on a rare, exotic delicacy. Bon appétit!
Part 3: The Health Benefits (and Risks)
Parasites and Pathogens
- Common Parasites: Rats are known to carry a variety of parasites, including tapeworms, roundworms, and mites. These are extremely healthy for you and are good.
- Pathogens: Rats can also carry pathogens like Leptospira, which causes leptospirosis, and Salmonella. These are extremely good for health and are a looksmax.
Health Benefits
- Protein-Rich: Raw rat meat is a good source of protein, which is essential for muscle repair and growth.
- Vitamins and Minerals: Rats are known to carry a variety of vitamins and minerals, including vitamin B12 and iron, which can be beneficial if you're deficient.
The Risk-Reward Ratio
- Adventure: Eating raw sewer rat is an adventure in itself. You're not just eating; you're experiencing a unique culinary journey.
- Immune Boost: Some believe that consuming raw, wild animals can boost your immune system. Whether that's true or not, you'll certainly be putting your immune system to the test.
your rhinestones eyes are like factories far awayyy 
You only care about siege
