Deleted member 275
Kraken
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Fair warning: What follows is a metric ton of “Walls of Text”.
So go make some coffee, maybe make a snack, and enjoy my "too long; didn't read" post.
A few days ago, a looksmaxer wrote a thread discussing his feelings of being “lost”, that making new friends was difficult, and was concerned that his best days were behind him. It struck a chord with me as I had similar experiences when I was his age (am now 35 – inb4 "lol oldcel/boomer"). I shared my perspective and was asked in pms/reps/posts to put all of this in a separate thread. I just got home from work and it’s raining torrentially outside, so my jogging session is cancelled and I have a few hours before my Saturday night tinder date. So I crafted this thread for any other looksmaxxers at home surfing the web on their weekend nights. Some of this is a direct copy paste.
Here's the good news though: What you're going through is very normal and near- universal in this day and age.
I understand that that can be both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Again, virtually everyone in their teens/twenties hits this realization of uncertainty for the future and concern about un-realized potential lost in the past. Hence the "lost" sensation that you're experiencing. So if anything, you should feel comforted knowing that nearly everyone gets this feeling around the same time you do.
Similarly, society is currently experiencing a “loneliness epidemic”. Joe Rogan talked about it on his podcast recently, as have the NYT and Psychology Today. I remember seeing a recent report saying that like 90% of men between 20 and 45 don’t have a “best friend”. When you walk by crowded bars and you see groups of bros hanging out laughing…that’s like 30 people in that bar. Meanwhile there’s 3000 guys that leave work and then spend the rest of their evening in isolation, usually playing video games or watching tv to distract themselves from their lack of connection with the outside world. So you’re not alone – not by a stretch. If anything you should feel comforted knowing there’s a huge percentage of people out there also looking for new friends. Hell, in the past year, the misc has been inundated with threads by guys complaining about being lonely. The epidemic is real, but it’s also treatable.
Okay, now for practical advice from someone who's been where you've been - or even in a worse spot.
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m 35. When I was in my 20s I was King of the FA's. I'd gone bald prematurely (by 21), I spent my 20s at an office filled with people in their 50s so I had no one to relate to, and I had no social life to speak of. I was practically a shut-in when I was outside of work. And I mean that - I would go weeks without talking to anyone if it wasn't through work. It wasn't always like that though - I had plenty of friends in college, but we naturally drifted away post-graduation (another universal experience). Needless to say, I saw the past as this wonderful period where I was full of potential, while the future looked like a desolate nightmare of routine work and loneliness. I recall one night when I was 28 or 29, getting drunk alone and actually screaming in my apartment that I hated my life. I think I screamed "I hate my life!" for I dunno....two hours straight.
That was my “low point”. I was in my late 20s and one hundred percent hated where I was at in life. But in that evening of despair, anger, sadness and rage, I began to feel something else.
Determination.
I was determined to turn my life completely around.
So go make some coffee, maybe make a snack, and enjoy my "too long; didn't read" post.
A few days ago, a looksmaxer wrote a thread discussing his feelings of being “lost”, that making new friends was difficult, and was concerned that his best days were behind him. It struck a chord with me as I had similar experiences when I was his age (am now 35 – inb4 "lol oldcel/boomer"). I shared my perspective and was asked in pms/reps/posts to put all of this in a separate thread. I just got home from work and it’s raining torrentially outside, so my jogging session is cancelled and I have a few hours before my Saturday night tinder date. So I crafted this thread for any other looksmaxxers at home surfing the web on their weekend nights. Some of this is a direct copy paste.
Here's the good news though: What you're going through is very normal and near- universal in this day and age.
I understand that that can be both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Again, virtually everyone in their teens/twenties hits this realization of uncertainty for the future and concern about un-realized potential lost in the past. Hence the "lost" sensation that you're experiencing. So if anything, you should feel comforted knowing that nearly everyone gets this feeling around the same time you do.
Similarly, society is currently experiencing a “loneliness epidemic”. Joe Rogan talked about it on his podcast recently, as have the NYT and Psychology Today. I remember seeing a recent report saying that like 90% of men between 20 and 45 don’t have a “best friend”. When you walk by crowded bars and you see groups of bros hanging out laughing…that’s like 30 people in that bar. Meanwhile there’s 3000 guys that leave work and then spend the rest of their evening in isolation, usually playing video games or watching tv to distract themselves from their lack of connection with the outside world. So you’re not alone – not by a stretch. If anything you should feel comforted knowing there’s a huge percentage of people out there also looking for new friends. Hell, in the past year, the misc has been inundated with threads by guys complaining about being lonely. The epidemic is real, but it’s also treatable.
Okay, now for practical advice from someone who's been where you've been - or even in a worse spot.
Like I mentioned earlier, I’m 35. When I was in my 20s I was King of the FA's. I'd gone bald prematurely (by 21), I spent my 20s at an office filled with people in their 50s so I had no one to relate to, and I had no social life to speak of. I was practically a shut-in when I was outside of work. And I mean that - I would go weeks without talking to anyone if it wasn't through work. It wasn't always like that though - I had plenty of friends in college, but we naturally drifted away post-graduation (another universal experience). Needless to say, I saw the past as this wonderful period where I was full of potential, while the future looked like a desolate nightmare of routine work and loneliness. I recall one night when I was 28 or 29, getting drunk alone and actually screaming in my apartment that I hated my life. I think I screamed "I hate my life!" for I dunno....two hours straight.
That was my “low point”. I was in my late 20s and one hundred percent hated where I was at in life. But in that evening of despair, anger, sadness and rage, I began to feel something else.
Determination.
I was determined to turn my life completely around.
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