How to talk to people and not be socially awkward?

[bloodsucker17]

I can't really talk to anybody IRL and it's not enjoyable for me. I'm nd and I find it really hard to talk to people, if I want to or have to I rehearse the conversation in my head multiple times while shaking and most likely not actually doing it. My dad said I'm socially awkward and I "only know how to talk to people on the computer" and that makes me feel horrible. How can I stop this?

just ascend and ur good

 

[lebanesedude]

just ascend and ur good

any other things

 

[bloodsucker17]

any other things

i was in the same spot as you man. i was chronically online and just talking to e-whores all day. what really helped me irl was the "i dont give a fuck" mindset when talking to people. not saying u should be rude but just stay cool. if it works out it does, if it doesnt it doesnt. trying to force something always ends up worse.

 

[BecomingX]

From what I'm reading, it seems like you're going through a similar issue that I went through too. All I can really tell you is that I understand where this desire to not want to be seen as an antisocial nobody comes from, as well as the genuine desire to actually want to talk to people and make friends. The truth is that not everyone is deserving of your time. You need to find people that are. But just make sure that you can actually give people your time and your genuine personality as well.

You say you do martial arts so a good start would be trying to find like one person around your age and befriend them. If there really isn't then find another hobby that you have genuine interest in and try to make a friend or 2 there. You can make acquaintances in the meanwhile. It doesn't hurt to come off as friendly rather than lonely and weird. If you have a job, you can probably make a work friend and see where it goes from there.

I get approached quite often by strangers who have questions about stuff. I don't know why people always go to me but I always try my best to help them out or at least seem responsive and aware. That's the trick to being NT. You have to seem responsive and like you actually have a brain that can come up with clear, direct answers. There are way too many times where I have seen genuine autists mumble and dart their eyes around, hoping that the person who's talking can just awkwardly walk away from the interaction. You need to avoid that behavior entirely. Again, all it takes is just clear, direct answers with a smile and nice tone, and you'll soon find that it's easy to talk to people.

I know this topic can become a rabbit hole of its own so I'm ending it here for now. If you need any clarification or anything, just respond and I'll try my best.

 

[lebanesedude]

From what I'm reading, it seems like you're going through a similar issue that I went through too. All I can really tell you is that I understand where this desire to not want to be seen as an antisocial nobody comes from, as well as the genuine desire to actually want to talk to people and make friends. The truth is that not everyone is deserving of your time. You need to find people that are. But just make sure that you can actually give people your time and your genuine personality as well.

You say you do martial arts so a good start would be trying to find like one person around your age and befriend them. If there really isn't then find another hobby that you have genuine interest in and try to make a friend or 2 there. You can make acquaintances in the meanwhile. It doesn't hurt to come off as friendly rather than lonely and weird. If you have a job, you can probably make a work friend and see where it goes from there.

I get approached quite often by strangers who have questions about stuff. I don't know why people always go to me but I always try my best to help them out or at least seem responsive and aware. That's the trick to being NT. You have to seem responsive and like you actually have a brain that can come up with clear, direct answers. There are way too many times where I have seen genuine autists mumble and dart their eyes around, hoping that the person who's talking can just awkwardly walk away from the interaction. You need to avoid that behavior entirely. Again, all it takes is just clear, direct answers with a smile and nice tone, and you'll soon find that it's easy to talk to people.

I know this topic can become a rabbit hole of its own so I'm ending it here for now. If you need any clarification or anything, just respond and I'll try my best.

I had a friend from my MMA but he left sadly and I didn't take his socials as I didn't know I wouldn't see him again, there is someone I speak to about martial arts sometimes in my school but I haven't had much luck talking to other people, and like you said not to, I never keep eye contact and just move my eyes around awkwardly when speaking to people , but I will take your advice and try more to socialise, but I find it really hard to keep eye contact, it's so awkward and in a way I don't want to talk to people, although I also don't want to be alone.

 

[BecomingX]

I had a friend from my MMA but he left sadly and I didn't take his socials as I didn't know I wouldn't see him again, there is someone I speak to about martial arts sometimes in my school but I haven't had much luck talking to other people, and like you said not to, I never keep eye contact and just move my eyes around awkwardly when speaking to people , but I will take your advice and try more to socialise, but I find it really hard to keep eye contact, it's so awkward and in a way I don't want to talk to people, although I also don't want to be alone.

Yeah, I get that. Sometimes, it's okay to accept that you want to be alone. It's taken me a while to get used to that feeling. But it also is beneficial to talk to people too. It all just boils down to balance and quality of people you surround yourself with. Some people want attention more than others and that's fine. It's when it's attention from bad, useless ugly people that is harmful. So be aware of that.

Also about the eye contact thing. It's not as important as it seems. Just make eye contact for when it's important like when someone's delivering a clear message to you or they actually need your attention. Other than that, I usually look at people passing by or the food that I'm eating when im having dinner with others while they're talking. stuff like that is acceptable.

 

[lebanesedude]

Yeah, I get that. Sometimes, it's okay to accept that you want to be alone. It's taken me a while to get used to that feeling. But it also is beneficial to talk to people too. It all just boils down to balance and quality of people you surround yourself with. Some people want attention more than others and that's fine. It's when it's attention from bad, useless ugly people that is harmful. So be aware of that.

Also about the eye contact thing. It's not as important as it seems. Just make eye contact for when it's important like when someone's delivering a clear message to you or they actually need your attention. Other than that, I usually look at people passing by or the food that I'm eating when im having dinner with others while they're talking. stuff like that is acceptable.

Okay thank you.

 

[lebanesedude]

Yeah, I get that. Sometimes, it's okay to accept that you want to be alone. It's taken me a while to get used to that feeling. But it also is beneficial to talk to people too. It all just boils down to balance and quality of people you surround yourself with. Some people want attention more than others and that's fine. It's when it's attention from bad, useless ugly people that is harmful. So be aware of that.

Also about the eye contact thing. It's not as important as it seems. Just make eye contact for when it's important like when someone's delivering a clear message to you or they actually need your attention. Other than that, I usually look at people passing by or the food that I'm eating when im having dinner with others while they're talking. stuff like that is acceptable.

Yo kind of dumb question but if I just go out on my bike or walk in my town and say hi how are you etc to random people, older younger and whatnot will that help?

 

[appealisLAW]

do it over and over again, start a convo any chance you get, talk with girls as much as you can.

 

[lebanesedude]

do it over and over again, start a convo any chance you get, talk with girls as much as you can.

I haven't spoken to a girl IRL in forever, what even is there to talk about?

 

[hexum.dnd]

I can't really talk to anybody IRL and it's not enjoyable for me. I'm nd and I find it really hard to talk to people, if I want to or have to I rehearse the conversation in my head multiple times while shaking and most likely not actually doing it. My dad said I'm socially awkward and I "only know how to talk to people on the computer" and that makes me feel horrible. How can I stop this?

While walking lurk ur dick out kf ur pants people will start talking to u (easiest way with the highest ROI)

 

[lebanesedude]

While walking lurk ur dick out kf ur pants people will start talking to u (easiest way with the highest ROI)

Then u get arrested if not chad