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This CIA agent explains that childhood trauma is directly linked to ambition in men, absolutely directly and it is the main and only cause.
My heart sank immediately when I saw this because it described me exactly. I have some really deep deep childhood trauma that would literally give me PTSD attacks when I was in boot camp for the military. Imagine you are literally in the military, bald, going through boot camp getting screamed at and you are having panic attacks not at what they are doing to you but what happened to you in the past. That's how bad it was for me.
I am also a lot more crazy than basically all of you because of this. I was on like 800mg test at age 21 for basically my first cycle. I was homeless and slept in a car for like the first half of this year. I actually smuggled test through multiple airports but I can't fully speak on that. My entire life has just been an experiment. I shaved my head and wore a wig last year just to see what it was like, only to not like it, and walk around bald for basically all of this year.
I am willing to do basically anything and everything to succeed. When i was 15 years old I did nofap for like 2.5 years and read the bible around 30 times in that time, then the Quran. I am an atheist. I have looked into every world view and tried to find my identity then realized the world we live in is an atheistic one. Whatever.
Most people were raised by pussies so they became pussies. Everyone that anyone respects either their father was super masculine and present in their lives or they just got beat senseless as a kid by an abusive dad and it made them turn into an angry power hungry monster. Regardless it's either childhood trauma or a good father that makes men act like men.
Most men had neither a masculine father, or a truly abusive one. They just had two mothers.
I can't even fully speak on the things I am currently doing or will do. Only if i succeed can I mention what I'm about to do.
This is what pure masculine potential with no family, friends, or care or anything holding me back looks like.
I realized there are a hundred perhaps a thousand ways to die, and suffer, and be in pain over betrayal, heartbreak, being sick in a bed and unable to move, regret, a random freak accident, a simple mistake that cost you your very life, but there is only one good thing in life and it is the feeling of victory.
There are as i say, a hundred or thousand ways to suffer, but only one feeling of victory.
You have to win. There's nothing else to do in life other than that. Either you suffer or you succeed, and let me tell you, nothing feels as good as winning.
The greatest part of my life is whenever I succeed it actually means something. I come from nothing. I never even knew I would become what I am now. I basically didn't have anyone to guide me through life and the fact that I've gotten as far as I have shocks even me. I have really big plans.
If you have serious childhood trauma it is pure warfare. Other people weren't blessed with it. I remember everyday that my father and mother both abandoned me. That my dad would beat me so bloody my blood would cover the bathroom walls. That my mother left me to the streets in the worst economy ever. That I didn't have a single person to call. And when I do succeed that feeling is like nothing else.
Other people just look at their childhood as some happy event that passed. I look at mine as something I barely escaped. I wouldn't ever go back. Not for anything. My life improves as I get older because I started from NOTHING.
And I am aware I am surrounded by enemies. That most people reading this want me to fail. But i wouldn't want to be my enemy, not at all, a person like me has nothing to lose and has already been through everything. Sometimes I actually felt sorry for people who chose to make themselves my enemies because it's like they fucked with the wrong person and they have no idea what they are playing with.
There's nothing left to say now. If you were blessed with misfortune in childhood it will forever haunt you and thus fuel you, if you were cursed with having two mothers i pity you but you will surely learn from either me or another version of me, another man who had similar experiences and it made him do something remarkable. Perhaps every male hero people look up to had a really fucked childhood.
It's all good, very good, all of it, it's perfect. Only when you overcome every difficulty in life can you finally see the entire situation clearly, it was all part of the plan.
My heart sank immediately when I saw this because it described me exactly. I have some really deep deep childhood trauma that would literally give me PTSD attacks when I was in boot camp for the military. Imagine you are literally in the military, bald, going through boot camp getting screamed at and you are having panic attacks not at what they are doing to you but what happened to you in the past. That's how bad it was for me.
I am also a lot more crazy than basically all of you because of this. I was on like 800mg test at age 21 for basically my first cycle. I was homeless and slept in a car for like the first half of this year. I actually smuggled test through multiple airports but I can't fully speak on that. My entire life has just been an experiment. I shaved my head and wore a wig last year just to see what it was like, only to not like it, and walk around bald for basically all of this year.
I am willing to do basically anything and everything to succeed. When i was 15 years old I did nofap for like 2.5 years and read the bible around 30 times in that time, then the Quran. I am an atheist. I have looked into every world view and tried to find my identity then realized the world we live in is an atheistic one. Whatever.
Most people were raised by pussies so they became pussies. Everyone that anyone respects either their father was super masculine and present in their lives or they just got beat senseless as a kid by an abusive dad and it made them turn into an angry power hungry monster. Regardless it's either childhood trauma or a good father that makes men act like men.
Most men had neither a masculine father, or a truly abusive one. They just had two mothers.
I can't even fully speak on the things I am currently doing or will do. Only if i succeed can I mention what I'm about to do.
This is what pure masculine potential with no family, friends, or care or anything holding me back looks like.
I realized there are a hundred perhaps a thousand ways to die, and suffer, and be in pain over betrayal, heartbreak, being sick in a bed and unable to move, regret, a random freak accident, a simple mistake that cost you your very life, but there is only one good thing in life and it is the feeling of victory.
There are as i say, a hundred or thousand ways to suffer, but only one feeling of victory.
You have to win. There's nothing else to do in life other than that. Either you suffer or you succeed, and let me tell you, nothing feels as good as winning.
The greatest part of my life is whenever I succeed it actually means something. I come from nothing. I never even knew I would become what I am now. I basically didn't have anyone to guide me through life and the fact that I've gotten as far as I have shocks even me. I have really big plans.
If you have serious childhood trauma it is pure warfare. Other people weren't blessed with it. I remember everyday that my father and mother both abandoned me. That my dad would beat me so bloody my blood would cover the bathroom walls. That my mother left me to the streets in the worst economy ever. That I didn't have a single person to call. And when I do succeed that feeling is like nothing else.
Other people just look at their childhood as some happy event that passed. I look at mine as something I barely escaped. I wouldn't ever go back. Not for anything. My life improves as I get older because I started from NOTHING.
And I am aware I am surrounded by enemies. That most people reading this want me to fail. But i wouldn't want to be my enemy, not at all, a person like me has nothing to lose and has already been through everything. Sometimes I actually felt sorry for people who chose to make themselves my enemies because it's like they fucked with the wrong person and they have no idea what they are playing with.
There's nothing left to say now. If you were blessed with misfortune in childhood it will forever haunt you and thus fuel you, if you were cursed with having two mothers i pity you but you will surely learn from either me or another version of me, another man who had similar experiences and it made him do something remarkable. Perhaps every male hero people look up to had a really fucked childhood.
It's all good, very good, all of it, it's perfect. Only when you overcome every difficulty in life can you finally see the entire situation clearly, it was all part of the plan.
