E
ElySioNs
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- Feb 7, 2021
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So my girlfriend and I have been together for around 3 years, where we both started dating in high school. Now we are in a LDR as we go to different colleges around 4 hours away. It has been going pretty well so far, we usually try to see each other every 2-3 weeks, alternating on and off.
Recently however we encountered a problem - I got sick and couldn't come and see her. This, along with tests, assignments, etc. caused us to not see each other for a month and a half. This lack of seeing each other seemed to distance us a little. It wasn't until Valentine's Day where I really started to notice this. I had a couple of exams on Valentine's Day, and wasn't able to really talk to her until after they were done. As soon as I finished, I FaceTimed her and talked with her for around 30 minutes, until it was interrupted with her friends coming over. I was surprised, I was wanting to talk to her all night for Valentine's Day, but she told me she was going to go out with her friends and she left with them to go to the bars. At this point, I started to feel the distance grow.
Fast forward a week, within that time we were texting, but not very much. We FaceTime again, this time I felt a fight coming. I was upset with the lack of communication that has become apparent in our relationship, and her constantly going out partying with her friends. The combination of these two things really aggravated me for some reason, I may have been being selfish, but dang it I wanted to talk to my girlfriend instead of seeing snaps of her partying and not responding. Anyways, the FaceTime that night started awkward, but then our true feelings got out.
She told me that around a week ago, a guy (we will call him Fred) confided in her his true feelings. Now, I have known Fred for forever; all three of us went to the same high school. A couple of months before my gf and I started dating, he tried talking with my girlfriend, but she did not feel the same way. Well, it turns out, Fred never really got over her. He told her how he would drop his current gf for my girlfriend, my gf was the perfect girl, etc. etc. She assured me she did not feel the same way, but the whole discussion got her thinking about what she wants in a man. Now, an important note here, Fred is typically what you think about when you think of a "man". He is a guy who loves the outdoors, played football, has worked on cars before, etc.
She told me that what she wants in her future man is a man "like her father". One that cooks, hunts, drinks beer, shoots guns, etc. She had trouble telling me what exactly she thought of me until I chimed in "So you don't think I'm a real man?" to which she replied "Yeah". I blew up on her. Told her there is so much more to being a man than shootin' guns and drinking beer. The two reasons she told me why she doesn't think i am a man still boggle my mind. She said it was "the way I laugh" and "the shorts you wore to Disney World were too small". Admittedly, I don't have the manliest laugh, I do giggle, and the shorts were a size too small. But to think our relationship is about to end just because I wore shorts too small.. I just don't know.
After telling her how I felt, she started crying and said she was just expressing her concerns and she didn't mean to hurt me in any way. I forgave her, but to this day I still feel like she doesn't think I am a man.
Since then, we have reverted to our normal self, but I cannot stop thinking about what she said. It feels like I am fighting for her love at this point, and I am not sure, it just doesn't feel natural.
I tried to keep my emotions out of this post as best as I could. I just want to know, am I in the wrong here? What can I do to save this relationship? What are your thoughts?
TL;DR : Guy from high school confided love in girlfriend, she rejected him, but started questioning our relationship. Wants me to be just like him except attractive basically. I blew up, she was upset and said she was only expressing her concerns, and I forgave her. Wondering what to think of the situation.
Recently however we encountered a problem - I got sick and couldn't come and see her. This, along with tests, assignments, etc. caused us to not see each other for a month and a half. This lack of seeing each other seemed to distance us a little. It wasn't until Valentine's Day where I really started to notice this. I had a couple of exams on Valentine's Day, and wasn't able to really talk to her until after they were done. As soon as I finished, I FaceTimed her and talked with her for around 30 minutes, until it was interrupted with her friends coming over. I was surprised, I was wanting to talk to her all night for Valentine's Day, but she told me she was going to go out with her friends and she left with them to go to the bars. At this point, I started to feel the distance grow.
Fast forward a week, within that time we were texting, but not very much. We FaceTime again, this time I felt a fight coming. I was upset with the lack of communication that has become apparent in our relationship, and her constantly going out partying with her friends. The combination of these two things really aggravated me for some reason, I may have been being selfish, but dang it I wanted to talk to my girlfriend instead of seeing snaps of her partying and not responding. Anyways, the FaceTime that night started awkward, but then our true feelings got out.
She told me that around a week ago, a guy (we will call him Fred) confided in her his true feelings. Now, I have known Fred for forever; all three of us went to the same high school. A couple of months before my gf and I started dating, he tried talking with my girlfriend, but she did not feel the same way. Well, it turns out, Fred never really got over her. He told her how he would drop his current gf for my girlfriend, my gf was the perfect girl, etc. etc. She assured me she did not feel the same way, but the whole discussion got her thinking about what she wants in a man. Now, an important note here, Fred is typically what you think about when you think of a "man". He is a guy who loves the outdoors, played football, has worked on cars before, etc.
She told me that what she wants in her future man is a man "like her father". One that cooks, hunts, drinks beer, shoots guns, etc. She had trouble telling me what exactly she thought of me until I chimed in "So you don't think I'm a real man?" to which she replied "Yeah". I blew up on her. Told her there is so much more to being a man than shootin' guns and drinking beer. The two reasons she told me why she doesn't think i am a man still boggle my mind. She said it was "the way I laugh" and "the shorts you wore to Disney World were too small". Admittedly, I don't have the manliest laugh, I do giggle, and the shorts were a size too small. But to think our relationship is about to end just because I wore shorts too small.. I just don't know.
After telling her how I felt, she started crying and said she was just expressing her concerns and she didn't mean to hurt me in any way. I forgave her, but to this day I still feel like she doesn't think I am a man.
Since then, we have reverted to our normal self, but I cannot stop thinking about what she said. It feels like I am fighting for her love at this point, and I am not sure, it just doesn't feel natural.
I tried to keep my emotions out of this post as best as I could. I just want to know, am I in the wrong here? What can I do to save this relationship? What are your thoughts?
TL;DR : Guy from high school confided love in girlfriend, she rejected him, but started questioning our relationship. Wants me to be just like him except attractive basically. I blew up, she was upset and said she was only expressing her concerns, and I forgave her. Wondering what to think of the situation.