whiteissuperior
Bu to the sinner he gives the task of gathering.
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Bold stuff is important. The rest is just details.
We have been dating for almost a year now, living together for the last 6 months, and our relationship is absolutely wonderful. Truly the most amazing guy I have ever met... And therein lies the problem.
We live in a small town, and I bartend at a local bar. He loves to go out to the bars and hang out with his friends, and I have zero qualms about this. He goes out, dances with the girls he meets, flirts a little, has fun. I also have zero qualms about this. When I'm behind the bar, we're both allowed to act single.
He's gorgeous (former Abercrombie & Fitch model), absolutely funny, frequently described as "one of the nicest guys I've ever met," military record (3 tours overseas in the Marines), and attending college. For our small town, he is quite the piece of work, and most of the ladies admit to being insanely jealous of me. Understandable.
I understand when random bar chicks hit on him. I can even understand when random chicks grope him, even though I don't condone any form of sexual harassment. What I cannot even fathom, however, is how three of my friendly acquaintances (and his friends) think it is perfectly acceptable to grope him in public (even after he moves and makes it clear he is uncomfortable), try to coerce him to cheat on me, and generally throw themselves at him when I'm not around. Of course, these are the ones that I know about, because he has cared to discuss them with me. There may be more, I don't know. He generally only discusses with me the most egregious sexual advances because there are just so damn many of them.
DETAILS OF SAID EVENTS:
I was out of town visiting family last month. Two of his friends recently broke up with their boyfriends. He was being nice, hanging out with them, and then on separate occasions, both of these girls (let's call them Katie, and Alice), try to convince him to come back to their place for some sexy fun time. He, of course, declines and tells me about it later via phone. We both laugh it off. That should have been the end of it.
Last week, Jane groped him under the table, and it continued even after he moved. This only happened when his best friend was in the bathroom, and stopped when his friend came back. He didn't want to say anything, because he didn't want his friend to feel like Jane was more into him. (His friend already has a cripplingly low self-esteem)
Yesterday, I'm bartending again, he goes out with his friends. Katie and his best friends new girlfriend, Jane, is there as well. Again, Jane gropes him under the table while her boyfriend's in the bathroom, but this time, Katie joins in on the fun too. He doesn't know what to do, he's drunk, doesn't want to make a scene.
He confides this to me later, and I say "confide" because he literally seemed quite shaken and disturbed by it. I told him "This is sexual harassment. It needs to stop. It is disrespectful to both of us, and our relationship" He doesn't know what to do, and I don't think he'll say anything. That sort of man mentality of "just take it, it's just girls touching you. You should like it."
I want to say something to these girls. What should I say? How should I say it? What medium (in person, or facebook) should I use? What other things to I need to consider about this situation?
tl;dr My gorgeous boyfriend keeps getting groped, and proposed for sex by our friends. He seems loathe to take action against this sexual harassment, even though it bothers him, perhaps due to some macho mindset. How do I confront these bitches?
UPDATE: Thanks for all the advice, sorry for not replying last night, I was at work. I was talking to my best girl friend about this situation and what to do, and she informed the boyfriend of Jane's groping without telling me about it. My boyfriend came home from work and was upset because he didn't want this to happen. Shit blew up in a public fashion, in the exact way that I informed her I didn't want to happen. Tempers ran hot for a bit, I completely lost whatever little faith I still had in the female gender, but it seems okay now. In true white-trash fashion, Jane threatened to kick my big-mouthed friend's ass. All the girls know what they did was not okay, and disrespectful, and I still plan on having a conversation with them IF THIS CONTINUES EVER FOR ANY REASON.
To quickly answer the majority of the advice given: he has already told them he's completely in love with me, has no interest in them, and that what they're doing is inappropriate. Yet, they continue in their advances. I trust him to handle his issues, and would generally leave it to him if I felt he could handle it. However, he has tried to handle it, and couldn't by himself. If someone were sexually harassing ME after telling them repeatedly not to, would you give me the same advice to nut up and deal with it myself? I think you would recommend intervention by my partner because some people don't take a simple "no" for an answer.
We have been dating for almost a year now, living together for the last 6 months, and our relationship is absolutely wonderful. Truly the most amazing guy I have ever met... And therein lies the problem.
We live in a small town, and I bartend at a local bar. He loves to go out to the bars and hang out with his friends, and I have zero qualms about this. He goes out, dances with the girls he meets, flirts a little, has fun. I also have zero qualms about this. When I'm behind the bar, we're both allowed to act single.
He's gorgeous (former Abercrombie & Fitch model), absolutely funny, frequently described as "one of the nicest guys I've ever met," military record (3 tours overseas in the Marines), and attending college. For our small town, he is quite the piece of work, and most of the ladies admit to being insanely jealous of me. Understandable.
I understand when random bar chicks hit on him. I can even understand when random chicks grope him, even though I don't condone any form of sexual harassment. What I cannot even fathom, however, is how three of my friendly acquaintances (and his friends) think it is perfectly acceptable to grope him in public (even after he moves and makes it clear he is uncomfortable), try to coerce him to cheat on me, and generally throw themselves at him when I'm not around. Of course, these are the ones that I know about, because he has cared to discuss them with me. There may be more, I don't know. He generally only discusses with me the most egregious sexual advances because there are just so damn many of them.
DETAILS OF SAID EVENTS:
I was out of town visiting family last month. Two of his friends recently broke up with their boyfriends. He was being nice, hanging out with them, and then on separate occasions, both of these girls (let's call them Katie, and Alice), try to convince him to come back to their place for some sexy fun time. He, of course, declines and tells me about it later via phone. We both laugh it off. That should have been the end of it.
Last week, Jane groped him under the table, and it continued even after he moved. This only happened when his best friend was in the bathroom, and stopped when his friend came back. He didn't want to say anything, because he didn't want his friend to feel like Jane was more into him. (His friend already has a cripplingly low self-esteem)
Yesterday, I'm bartending again, he goes out with his friends. Katie and his best friends new girlfriend, Jane, is there as well. Again, Jane gropes him under the table while her boyfriend's in the bathroom, but this time, Katie joins in on the fun too. He doesn't know what to do, he's drunk, doesn't want to make a scene.
He confides this to me later, and I say "confide" because he literally seemed quite shaken and disturbed by it. I told him "This is sexual harassment. It needs to stop. It is disrespectful to both of us, and our relationship" He doesn't know what to do, and I don't think he'll say anything. That sort of man mentality of "just take it, it's just girls touching you. You should like it."
I want to say something to these girls. What should I say? How should I say it? What medium (in person, or facebook) should I use? What other things to I need to consider about this situation?
tl;dr My gorgeous boyfriend keeps getting groped, and proposed for sex by our friends. He seems loathe to take action against this sexual harassment, even though it bothers him, perhaps due to some macho mindset. How do I confront these bitches?
UPDATE: Thanks for all the advice, sorry for not replying last night, I was at work. I was talking to my best girl friend about this situation and what to do, and she informed the boyfriend of Jane's groping without telling me about it. My boyfriend came home from work and was upset because he didn't want this to happen. Shit blew up in a public fashion, in the exact way that I informed her I didn't want to happen. Tempers ran hot for a bit, I completely lost whatever little faith I still had in the female gender, but it seems okay now. In true white-trash fashion, Jane threatened to kick my big-mouthed friend's ass. All the girls know what they did was not okay, and disrespectful, and I still plan on having a conversation with them IF THIS CONTINUES EVER FOR ANY REASON.
To quickly answer the majority of the advice given: he has already told them he's completely in love with me, has no interest in them, and that what they're doing is inappropriate. Yet, they continue in their advances. I trust him to handle his issues, and would generally leave it to him if I felt he could handle it. However, he has tried to handle it, and couldn't by himself. If someone were sexually harassing ME after telling them repeatedly not to, would you give me the same advice to nut up and deal with it myself? I think you would recommend intervention by my partner because some people don't take a simple "no" for an answer.
