I accidentally let 3 tears come out

[Tealovingfool]

I cant get over this depression and its been getting way worse I hate my life I hate school I want to sleep forever and dream about a good life instead of this one where I get treated as a human and I dont have any trauma where I get girls and I dont feel the urge to intimidate or be violent because I dont have issues stemming from trauma which causes these issues thats what I want and I think lots of people could agree but it doesnt happen so I use any substances I can get my hands on so far I've only tried nicotine alcohol and weed so im not too far down a rabbit hole I honestly just want to escape everyday I feel like tearing up in half my classes sometimes I do but I hide it because me being mentally unwell isnt good for other people's lives and the last times ive told people ive ended up with no help I dont blame my friends but I had to tell my parents the last time I got caught drunk because they kept asking what was going on with me i know probably nobody is going to read this or some may react with laughing and I dont even know if I want help its confusing