stefanos_81
5`7 ND child of neglect and abuse
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2025
- Posts
- 21
- Reputation
- 24
I really don't know. Like last night I felt so horrid about myself, and it came from nowhere. Like, plenty of time had passed since, like, I tried to kill myself. Like it happened like a year ago. Like, and it all came out of nowhere. Like I started feeling like this feeling of despair and emptiness and loneliness. And it was really hard, like, to understand what's going on. And I had the gun next to me, even though I had no bullets and I couldn't kill myself. I was thinking about, like, trying to pull the trigger, and it all came back, like, memories of me being bullied throughout, like, primary school, and then memories of being laughed at in middle school, which was really fucking horrible. And then high school, which was hell on Earth. Like, all of those schools I went to were, like, fucking horrible. Like at elementary school I got picked on by other kids, bullied, got shoved into bushes, and in middle school it wasn't really physical bullying. It was more of, like, people laughing behind my back, and I could feel them staring down on me and all that. And high school was basically the same thing as middle school, but it was a little bit toned down. And, like, I had a trigger, and I remember the bullying because I went to the little corner shop that I have to go and buy cigarettes in the little village that I live. We have only one corner store, and one of the girls who was bullying me relentlessly in middle school was, like, there, and, like, I grabbed a Red Bull out from the fridge, and I wanted to pack of cigarettes, and I could feel her staring me down, like with a disgusted look. I could feel it, and I felt so disgusted by myself. And I wasn't doing nothing. Like I was just trying to shop and go home. Like all of it came crashing down. I took, like, three milligrams of Xanax; I passed out for seventeen hours. I felt completely horrid.
