I always wonder why God put all this shit on me

[Prøphet]

When I say God I don’t necessarily mean the religious “God”, I guess I just mean fate

How is it that I managed to rack up every single flaw in the book, yet cursed with this knowledge?

A crossed eye. Recessed, ultra short jaws. An ugly nose. Dark brown, beady, soulless, protruding eyes, set far too close together. No periorbital bones to speak of, let alone fat. Radix not found. Flared ears. The midface of a rat. Even my hair is receding and thinning at the elderly age of 18. Downturned lips, a battered layer over the fundamentally malformed scaffolding.

But Is it really a curse if it’s the only key there is out of this cage, even if I don’t know where to find it? Is the torture of knowledge and desire a redemption or a burden?

I often stare into the mirror for a long time and wonder why it had to be this way.

Today I took a long look in the mirror after my workout and felt the waves of despair, hopelessness, and denial swell up over my 1.2 hip to shoulder ratio on my 5’9 body.

And the final nail in the coffin. An ND mind filled only with anxieties out of past failures. I live my life not according to my dreams, but according to fear, the master of my life. Fear often locks me away and takes control, sabotaging my rational plans and leaving me in messes bigger and bigger than the last.

It has to mean something that I failed every tick on the checklist, zero redeeming factors. When I’m not trying to escape from my unfortunate situation, I’m asking myself: Why?

 

[JohnDon]

When I say God I don’t necessarily mean the religious “God”, I guess I just mean fate

How is it that I managed to rack up every single flaw in the book, yet cursed with this knowledge?

A crossed eye. Recessed, ultra short jaws. An ugly nose. Dark brown, beady, soulless, protruding eyes, set far too close together. No periorbital bones to speak of, let alone fat. Radix not found. Flared ears. The midface of a rat. Even my hair is receding and thinning at the elderly age of 18. Downturned lips, a battered layer over the fundamentally malformed scaffolding.

But Is it really a curse if it’s the only key there is out of this cage, even if I don’t know where to find it? Is the torture of knowledge and desire a redemption or a burden?

I often stare into the mirror for a long time and wonder why it had to be this way.

Today I took a long look in the mirror after my workout and felt the waves of despair, hopelessness, and denial swell up over my 1.2 hip to shoulder ratio on my 5’9 body.

And the final nail in the coffin. An ND mind filled only with anxieties out of past failures. I live my life not according to my dreams, but according to fear, the master of my life. Fear often locks me away and takes control, sabotaging my rational plans and leaving me in messes bigger and bigger than the last.

It has to mean something that I failed every tick on the checklist, zero redeeming factors. When I’m not trying to escape from my unfortunate situation, I’m asking myself: Why?

Okay

 

[Prøphet]

I try to take control of my life, but when I get in the Drivers seat, I have to open my eyes and see the ruins all around me. It’s far easier to stay blindfolded in the backseat when your reality was already destined to be inferior.

 

[Gengar]

Nigga calls himself Prophet and then wonders why God is putting him through trials.

 

[browncurrycel]

World is not fair and some of us just aren't meant to live

 

[Arbuscular]

same tbh

 

[Prøphet]

Nigga calls himself Prophet and then wonders why God is putting him through trials.

I know it sounds very delusional and low sentience to admit this, but I sometimes do like to think of myself as a prophet destined to go through these obstacles as some form of cope. It seems like every time I manage to avoid one or overcome one, ten more will pop up, almost as if the universe is trying to tell me something. My life has a humorous and comical way of humbling me in such ways that I can’t relate to most people.

 

[Gengar]

I know it sounds very delusional and low sentience to admit this, but I sometimes do like to think of myself as a prophet destined to go through these obstacles as some form of cope. It seems like every time I manage to avoid one or overcome one, ten more will pop up, almost as if the universe is trying to tell me something. My life has a humorous and comical way of humbling me in such ways that I can’t relate to most people.

To be fair, it’s probably not as bad as it seems. You can have a bunch of failos and still end up looking alright due to having harmony despite the bad features. I think it’s the same for you; most likely. We are our own worst critic. I doubt it is as bad as you think it is.

 

[acm]

I read every molecule of your threads

 

[Prøphet]

World is not fair and some of us just aren't meant to live

Yeah I genuinely do feel like I wasn’t meant to be created. I really do not feel cut out for the life that would “fit” me. Much less a life that would comfort my soul. I love hope and in a way I love this crazy journey of life, so I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’d prefer to not exist. But I do feel targeted and singled out by life on a day to day basis. It has to mean something.

 

[Prøphet]

To be fair, it’s probably not as bad as it seems. You can have a bunch of failos and still end up looking alright due to having harmony despite the bad features. I think it’s the same for you; most likely. We are our own worst critic. I doubt it is as bad as you think it is.

Thanks for the optimism bhai but it’s just not the case here honestly. There’s never been a point in my life where my face looked acceptable. Everyone reminded me of it far before I even “discovered” bp. And now I have no choice but to clean up this mess because of this knowledge and facing these hard truths ever since I was a little boy. And it’s not easy but what else is there to do, but to throw yourself into the pursuit of your only hope? These surgeries scare me to my core, but what scares me even more is the bitter regret of dusk. What scares me more is the ignorance of the enemy inside me. I have to work towards closure so I can live my life, or my life will never even begin.

 

[Gengar]

Thanks for the optimism bhai but it’s just not the case here honestly. There’s never been a point in my life where my face looked acceptable. Everyone reminded me of it far before I even “discovered” bp. And now I have no choice but to clean up this mess because of this knowledge and facing these hard truths ever since I was a little boy. And it’s not easy but what else is there to do, but to throw yourself into the pursuit of your only hope? These surgeries scare me to my core, but what scares me even more is the bitter regret of dusk. What scares me more is the ignorance of the enemy inside me. I have to work towards closure so I can live my life, or my life will never even begin.

I mean, your peers can be unnecessarily harsh to you. And they’ll say things that aren’t necessarily true. So, even if you heard it growing up, it doesn’t mean it’s actually true. I knew guys who would never admit that someone else was good-looking, but it was easy for them to call someone ugly even if they weren’t ugly but just average. Or maybe you just give off an unappealing vibe due to the way you present yourself. For example, wearing the same clothes constantly, having stained clothing on, having very oily hair, et cetera. I can relate: I’d be too scared of surgeries. I definitely wouldn’t have anything done even if they would make me better-looking. That’s just me though.

 

[acm]

anybody who thinks you're larp is a grey

the truest of cels even more than the other guy in this thread

 

[Prøphet]

I mean, your peers can be unnecessarily harsh to you. And they’ll say things that aren’t necessarily true. So, even if you heard it growing up, it doesn’t mean it’s actually true. I knew guys who would never admit that someone else was good-looking, but it was easy for them to call someone ugly even if they weren’t ugly but just average. Or maybe you just give off an unappealing vibe due to the way you present yourself. For example, wearing the same clothes constantly, having stained clothing on, having very oily hair, et cetera. I can relate: I’d be too scared of surgeries. I definitely wouldn’t have anything done even if they would make me better-looking. That’s just me though.

Well, I’m sure my ND never helped, but that’s something I can never fix. All the hygiene and style and gym in the world never did anything for me. ND or ugly, you can still have a life if you work hard on it. Both? It’s over. Who knows, I might never build up the nerve to go through with my surgeries, even though I logically know they’re my only chance. Not only doing it for others, but doing it to heal myself, because now I’ll never be fulfilled unless I look the way I want. Every insult about my crossed eyes in the playground at six years old, every backhanded comment and uncomfortable glance, every laugh behind me and whispers around me, every silence and every time I was treated like nothing built up and now the only thing I want in life is to look good. What started as an insecurity around a deformity in my eyes turned into a hyper analysis of every flaw, and I sure do have a lot. Sorry for the long ramblings this is really just my stream of consciousness tbh but it feels good to let it out. I’m damaged and nothing will help me except validation to make up for what I went through for 15 years. I know it’s not a healthy mindset, but if you reach for the stars, you’ll still end up in the sky if you fail. Lookism is more powerful than most people can imagine

 

[sub5coper11]

When I say God I don’t necessarily mean the religious “God”, I guess I just mean fate

How is it that I managed to rack up every single flaw in the book, yet cursed with this knowledge?

A crossed eye. Recessed, ultra short jaws. An ugly nose. Dark brown, beady, soulless, protruding eyes, set far too close together. No periorbital bones to speak of, let alone fat. Radix not found. Flared ears. The midface of a rat. Even my hair is receding and thinning at the elderly age of 18. Downturned lips, a battered layer over the fundamentally malformed scaffolding.

But Is it really a curse if it’s the only key there is out of this cage, even if I don’t know where to find it? Is the torture of knowledge and desire a redemption or a burden?

I often stare into the mirror for a long time and wonder why it had to be this way.

Today I took a long look in the mirror after my workout and felt the waves of despair, hopelessness, and denial swell up over my 1.2 hip to shoulder ratio on my 5’9 body.

And the final nail in the coffin. An ND mind filled only with anxieties out of past failures. I live my life not according to my dreams, but according to fear, the master of my life. Fear often locks me away and takes control, sabotaging my rational plans and leaving me in messes bigger and bigger than the last.

It has to mean something that I failed every tick on the checklist, zero redeeming factors. When I’m not trying to escape from my unfortunate situation, I’m asking myself: Why?

You just have wabi sabi

 

[takethewhitepill]

Its all perspective. Its perfectly understandable to think, why is it as it is? But it is more meaningful to ask, why not? Does not a potter have authority over the clay to do as He pleases? Do you ask the sun why it rises each day? Do you ask the heavens why take residence in the sky? I don't ask a dog why he barks or a cat why she meows. The dog has no reason to speak my language! It simply is.

 

[Prøphet]

It’s all perspective. It’s perfectly understandable to think, why is it as it is? But it is more meaningful to ask, why not? Does not a potter have authority over the clay to do as He pleases? Do you ask the sun why it rises each day? Do you ask the heavens why take residence in the sky? I don't ask a dog why he barks or a cat why she meows. The dog has no reason to speak my language! It simply is.

Hmm true

Lots of problems in my life have come from trying to understand what can’t be understood

 

[iGoontoTheHolocaust]

because youre a prophet, son

 

[Prøphet]

because youre a prophet, son

Your username is absolutely insane bro

 

[iGoontoTheHolocaust]

Your username is absolutely insane bro

in a good way?

 

[ethnical]

When I say God I don’t necessarily mean the religious “God”, I guess I just mean fate

How is it that I managed to rack up every single flaw in the book, yet cursed with this knowledge?

A crossed eye. Recessed, ultra short jaws. An ugly nose. Dark brown, beady, soulless, protruding eyes, set far too close together. No periorbital bones to speak of, let alone fat. Radix not found. Flared ears. The midface of a rat. Even my hair is receding and thinning at the elderly age of 18. Downturned lips, a battered layer over the fundamentally malformed scaffolding.

But Is it really a curse if it’s the only key there is out of this cage, even if I don’t know where to find it? Is the torture of knowledge and desire a redemption or a burden?

I often stare into the mirror for a long time and wonder why it had to be this way.

Today I took a long look in the mirror after my workout and felt the waves of despair, hopelessness, and denial swell up over my 1.2 hip to shoulder ratio on my 5’9 body.

And the final nail in the coffin. An ND mind filled only with anxieties out of past failures. I live my life not according to my dreams, but according to fear, the master of my life. Fear often locks me away and takes control, sabotaging my rational plans and leaving me in messes bigger and bigger than the last.

It has to mean something that I failed every tick on the checklist, zero redeeming factors. When I’m not trying to escape from my unfortunate situation, I’m asking myself: Why?

I did not ask