I am ALONE.

[got.daim]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

 

[got.daim]

@Gengar

 

[n9wiff]

Paragraphs bro

 

[got.daim]

Paragraphs bro

please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me

 

[Klasik616]

Good thread
Dnr

 

[got.daim]

Good thread
Dnr

please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me

 

[Beanermaxxer]

Dn r Just get friends bro

 

[n9wiff]

@got.daim I wasn't joking btw I'm in a car and on my phone and it is almost stressful trying to read that

If you want people to read your threads, put in some effort to atleast make your work somewhat presentable.

 

[got.daim]

@got.daim I wasn't joking btw I'm in a car and on my phone and it is almost stressful trying to read that

If you want people to read your threads, put in some effort to atleast make your work somewhat presentable.

i was crying while making this sorry.. it was a vent

 

[tomcaelum]

Sorry to say but dnr.

 

[got.daim]

Dn r Just get friends bro

read the thread, i explain why

 

[tomcaelum]

I’ll be your friend

 

[got.daim]

Sorry to say but dnr.

i go in depth on my life.. my abuse, my lack of love, my bullying, my suicide attempts at 8, just for you to say DNR. fuck you

 

[got.daim]

I’ll be your friend

OKAY

 

[got.daim]

I’ll be your friend

where do you live

 

[tomcaelum]

i go in depth on my life.. my abuse, my lack of love, my bullying, my suicide attempts at 8, just for you to say DNR. fuck you

I would’ve read it if it was formatted bro sorry, I just told you I’d be your friend

 

[got.daim]

I would’ve read it if it was formatted bro sorry, I just told you I’d be your friend

i didn't see that i posted this too early sorry, what's your address so i can come over

 

[got.daim]

@tomcaelum

 

[got.daim]

@tomcaelum respond pls

 

[tomcaelum]

i didn't see that i posted this too early sorry, what's your address so i can come over

123 Eat My Asshole Ln. We not that close yet buddy

 

[got.daim]

123 Eat My Asshole Ln. We not that close yet buddy

PM me the country and city atleast or something

 

[got.daim]

123 Eat My Asshole Ln. We not that close yet buddy

want to play minecraft together?

 

[tomcaelum]

PM me the country and city atleast or something

I’m from the US but im not giving you my city Jfl

 

[tomcaelum]

want to play minecraft together?

I’m down when I get back into gaming

 

[got.daim]

I’m from the US but im not giving you my city Jfl

what state

 

[got.daim]

I’m down when I get back into gaming

i play minecraft, what do you play

 

[got.daim]

I’m from the US but im not giving you my city Jfl

i'm in the USA right now
we should meetup and hangout together

 

[tomcaelum]

i play minecraft, what do you play

Nothing rn. Sometimes fort, mc, cod. Also I’m not giving you my state yet mate

 

[got.daim]

Nothing rn. Sometimes fort, mc, cod. Also I’m not giving you my state yet mate

do you play HOI4 or worldbox? i really like sandbox games, i have an xbox, wanna facetime some time? you can PM me your phone number and i'll call you right now

 

[mathis]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

Read it all. Go see a psychologist. Your issue is solvable. I feel you, i had a quite similar story.
I appreciate you bro don't lose hope

 

[tomcaelum]

do you play HOI4 or worldbox? i really like sandbox games, i have an xbox, wanna facetime some time? you can PM me your phone number and i'll call you right now

Aight yeah nigga you’re too Jeffery Dahmer for my liking

 

[got.daim]

Read it all. Go see a psychologist. Your issue is solvable. I feel you, i had a quite similar story.
I appreciate you bro don't lose hope

how much money does it cost, i'm poor

 

[got.daim]

Aight yeah nigga you’re too Jeffery Dahmer for my liking

what

 

[mathis]

how much money does it cost, i'm poor

Im pretty shure you can find some free ones that you can call. Look it up. Otherwise it can vary from 20 to 100 bucks per seance. But its worth it.

 

[got.daim]

Im pretty shure you can find some free ones that you can call. Look it up. Otherwise it can vary from 20 to 100 bucks per seance. But its worth it.

bet, thanks brocel

 

[mathis]

bet, thanks brocel

Good luck ! PM me if you need help in the futur I'm here for you

 

[got.daim]

Good luck ! PM me if you need help in the futur I'm here for you

you're french right? what part, i'm also living in france

 

[got.daim]

@Gengar

 

[st9vi]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

dnr but i feel really bad for you hope it gets better

 

[got.daim]

dnr but i feel really bad for you hope it gets better

i'm still alone but atleast i have my tulpa gf who makes me happy

 

[Gengar]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

Come to the Netherlands, I'll give you a big hug and tell you it's okay.

 

[got.daim]

Come to the Netherlands, I'll give you a big hug and tell you it's okay.

will you cuddle me (in a no homo way)

 

[mathis]

you're french right? what part, i'm also living in france

Je vis en ile de france, a Vincennes plus précisément
Et toi ?

 

[got.daim]

Je vis en ile de france, a Vincennes plus précisément
Et toi ?

i'm from ile de france too also i don't think we're allowed to speak french on this part of the forum

 

[mathis]

i'm from ile de france too also i don't think we're allowed to speak french on this part of the forum

Mb
Thats crazy lol, the odds are low ash for that to happen
In what city ?

 

[got.daim]

Mb
Thats crazy lol, the odds are low ash for that to happen
In what city ?

doxfuel. can't say, i don't want people to find my apartment

 

[Gengar]

will you cuddle me (in a no homo way)

I'm actually pretty much asexual as well, don't care for sex but yes.

 

[got.daim]

I'm actually pretty much asexual as well, don't care for sex but yes.

i don't care for sex either, but jerking off feels good so i do it

 

[LookmaxBlau]

Can you space out the paragraphs, would make it easier to read. Hope you find love one day… I need it too tbh

 

[noodlelover]

Consider this post tough love. The purpose is to get you to a point where you aren't so soft and can rationally handle the real world. If you respond to it by being defensive, I won't help you anymore.

im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me..

The chemical hormones we call love, in the brain are chemically addiction in the brain. This is not unlike a drug addiction.

The longer you go without those chemical releases in your brain, the less addicted and the less cravings you'll have. Same as any other addiction.

i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care,

You're right People don't care.

especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else,

Life isn't fair. The only thing that matters is what you do with your time. Stop comparing yourself to other people. It won't help you.

even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist,

You spawned from them, but it's not like they intentionally crafted you out of marble.

You are not their special work of art, you are the unintended consequences of them having sex.

i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting,

Good you've realized this. The next step is living for yourself not for them. They don't care about you.

i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed,

Your life isn't shit because of your environment, you perceive it to be shit because you haven't adapted to reality.

The good news is, over time, you will adapt to reality. The less you distract yourself from your reality, the more you'll adapt to it.

i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am..

You can change yourself at any moment. You are changing yourself with every thought. How you want to be is up to you.

what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world,

I mean, you'll have different priorities but you'll still find happiness.

i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming,

PTSD takes considerable time, focus, and energy to recover from. But your life will be better once you do.

The most important thing is that you learn all of the lessons you can from those experiences, for how to keep safer in the future. What types of people to avoid, who specifically to avoid, what signals to look out for and so on. You have to mine out all of the lessons from your experiences to integrate them into the rest of your brain and be ok again.

it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love,

You're never going to get it. You can only get love from yourself.

i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something,

Getting the emotions you want out of people takes practice. You HAVE to fail many, many times. After a failure you focus on what you could have done differently, or how you could have changed your appearance or vocal tonality to get a different result, then you try differently next time, and repeat the process. It takes time like anything but it get's better.

You need to start taking control over who you are. Do -> Fail -> Think -> Strategize -> Do differently -> Fail -> Think -> etc.
That's the loop you need to change.

i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry,

That's good you've learned that your approach isn't working. The next step is to try a slightly modified approach.

sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love,

Stop that! You're hurting yourself.

and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF)

You don't need an imaginary girlfriend. You don't need love. It's a chemical addiction and you'll get over it.

i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be,

There's tons of asexual girls. Just be open about it, in the context of dating, dating app description, etc. You need to open about what you want to get it.

You also need to provide something of value asexual girls will want. So work on your looks (they still matter) and your emotional health (it needs a massive amount of work).