I am ALONE.

[mathis]

doxfuel. can't say, i don't want people to find my apartment

Cant happen, even if your city is small, there's still too much for them to find you, and they would also need to know what you look like.
But I get it np.

 

[faustianspirit]

read every single word

 

[PRIEST Sv3rige]

Read everything and it's quite sad so I'll be serious. Your writing is similar to that of a girl's. I suspect low T or the abused dog syndrome is just that strong. Either way, I don't know if you've tried coping with drugs?

 

[Underdog9494]

Sorry but i didnt read it, its just too long. I read for a while but im just too tired and my eyes are dry af. I too kinda have a similar story from what i read but I wasn't really abused, i grew up middle class and still am but my parents have bad spending habits. I am and was kinda mentally abused tho that's why i find comfort on the internet and get attached to people easily.

 

[got.daim]

Good you've realized this. The next step is living for yourself not for them. They don't care about you.

i don't know what to do with my life, nothing makes me happy currently, i more of waste time with meaningless hobbies

Consider this post tough love. The purpose is to get you to a point where you aren't so soft and can rationally handle the real world. If you respond to it by being defensive, I won't help you anymore.


The chemical hormones we call love, in the brain are chemically addiction in the brain. This is not unlike a drug addiction.

The longer you go without those chemical releases in your brain, the less addicted and the less cravings you'll have. Same as any other addiction.


You're right People don't care.


Life isn't fair. The only thing that matters is what you do with your time. Stop comparing yourself to other people. It won't help you.


You spawned from them, but it's not like they intentionally crafted you out of marble.

You are not their special work of art, you are the unintended consequences of them having sex.


Good you've realized this. The next step is living for yourself not for them. They don't care about you.

Your life isn't shit because of your environment, you perceive it to be shit because you haven't adapted to reality.

The good news is, over time, you will adapt to reality. The less you distract yourself from your reality, the more you'll adapt to it.



You can change yourself at any moment. You are changing yourself with every thought. How you want to be is up to you.


I mean, you'll have different priorities but you'll still find happiness.


PTSD takes considerable time, focus, and energy to recover from. But your life will be better once you do.

The most important thing is that you learn all of the lessons you can from those experiences, for how to keep safer in the future. What types of people to avoid, who specifically to avoid, what signals to look out for and so on. You have to mine out all of the lessons from your experiences to integrate them into the rest of your brain and be ok again.


You're never going to get it. You can only get love from yourself.

Getting the emotions you want out of people takes practice. You HAVE to fail many, many times. After a failure you focus on what you could have done differently, or how you could have changed your appearance or vocal tonality to get a different result, then you try differently next time, and repeat the process. It takes time like anything but it get's better.

You need to start taking control over who you are. Do -> Fail -> Think -> Strategize -> Do differently -> Fail -> Think -> etc.
That's the loop you need to change.


That's good you've learned that your approach isn't working. The next step is to try a slightly modified approach.


Stop that! You're hurting yourself.


You don't need an imaginary girlfriend. You don't need love. It's a chemical addiction and you'll get over it.


There's tons of asexual girls. Just be open about it, in the context of dating, dating app description, etc. You need to open about what you want to get it.

You also need to provide something of value asexual girls will want. So work on your looks (they still matter) and your emotional health (it needs a massive amount of work).

read every word, i will use this thank you

 

[PRIEST Sv3rige]

Sorry but i didnt read it, its just too long. I read for a while vut im just too tired and my eyes are dry af. I too kinda have a similar story from what i read but I wasn't really abused, i grew up middle class and still am but my parents have bad spending habits. I am and was kinda mentally abused tho that's why i find comfort on the internet and get attached to people easily.

Why THE FUCK would you WTF react me when I actually took the time to read everything, and now am asking follow up questions in the spirit of helping. You didn't even bother trying.

 

[got.daim]

Read everything and it's quite sad so I'll be serious. Your writing is similar to that of a girl's. I suspect low T or the abused dog syndrome is just that strong. Either way, I don't know if you've tried coping with drugs?

no i don't do drugs, i had one bad experience and quit

 

[Underdog9494]

no i don't do drugs, i had one bad experience and quit

I wanna try datura and dph. Wanna meet up and do it together?

 

[PRIEST Sv3rige]

no i don't do drugs, i had one bad experience and quit

Fair enough, not a cope that works for everyone. What's your plan looking forward?

 

[PRIEST Sv3rige]

I wanna try datura and dph. Wanna meet up and do it together?

Nigga, both of you are gonna off yourselves on a datura trip. That shit is no joke. You're also 14 btw.

 

[Underdog9494]

Nigga, both of you are gonna off yourselves on a datura trip. That shit is no joke. You're also 14 btw.

I deadass want to try it sometime

 

[got.daim]

I wanna try datura and dph. Wanna meet up and do it together?

you're 14

 

[Underdog9494]

you're 14

Yes what's the problem nigga you're acting like i cant take some lil ass seeds

 

[got.daim]

Fair enough, not a cope that works for everyone. What's your plan looking forward?

meetup with gengar and live together
(hopefully soon, in like 10 years max)

 

[PRIEST Sv3rige]

I deadass want to try it sometime

Just don't unless you're extremely resilient. I've had 2 friends whom have tried it and both say that it was the worst experience of their lives by FAR. One guy never became the same.

 

[Underdog9494]

Just don't unless you're extremely resilient. I've had 2 friends whom have tried it and both say that it was the worst experience of their lives by FAR. One guy never became the same.

How bad, from what I've read it sounds awesome

 

[swt]

@Gaygymmaxx check out how much hes suffering...maybe if he sent his birthday, it would explain all, dont you think?

 

[got.daim]

@Gaygymmaxx check out how much hes suffering...maybe if he sent his birthday, it would explain all, dont you think?

1997

 

[moreplatesmoreweigh]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

Read half of it. Ik that

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

but I feel like ur victimising urself like everyone who says they are incel but they fr abt it and not just idiots who think they incel since they are 13 and not slayed 11 stacies yet or niggas who are just shut ins which I feel like u r one and try roids btw.

Also don’t be weak and let your parents keep ruining your life even more by you caring abt them but then they are stone cold to you (cucked af)

 

[swt]

1997

@Gaygymmaxx this explains it all.

 

[Idontknowlol]

I read everything. Wish I could hug you (in a non homo way) and tell you everything is going to be fine.

 

[swt]

I read everything. Wish I could hug you (in a non homo way) and tell you everything is going to be fine.

damn dude..hug? you are so gay wow

 

[got.daim]

who are just shut ins which I feel like u r one and try roids btw.

yeah.. but all of my 500 documented approaches make me a shut in right? all of my 500 rejections a year makes me a shut in? all of my trying, all of my approaches, me changing everything up, me meeting girls through friends, me using different PUA methods, me going out is me being a shut in? i've tried and tried to get a GF, i'm just incel, and i've accepted it, there's no way around it

 

[moreplatesmoreweigh]

yeah.. but all of my 500 documented approaches make me a shut in right? all of my 500 rejections a year makes me a shut in? all of my trying, all of my approaches, me changing everything up, me meeting girls through friends, me using different PUA methods, me going out is me being a shut in? i've tried and tried to get a GF, i'm just incel, and i've accepted it, there's no way around it

Brutal. Try roids

 

[got.daim]

Brutal. Try roids

@Gengar said not to, i'm gonna trust him

 

[got.daim]

damn dude..hug? you are so gay wow

damn.. so hugging your father or friend is gay too then?

 

[moreplatesmoreweigh]

@Gengar said not to, i'm gonna trust him

They make me euphoric and narcy especially when I get a pr, pure autism euphoria

 

[Gengar]

@Gengar said not to, i'm gonna trust him

Thank you.

 

[Underdog9494]

@Gengar said not to, i'm gonna trust him

Nigga really trusting currygpt

 

[got.daim]

Nigga really trusting currygpt

he's not indian, don't lower him to their level

 

[moreplatesmoreweigh]

currygpt

 

[swt]

damn.. so hugging your father or friend is gay too then?

yes hugging your father clearly means you wanna fuck him, why would you do such a thing

 

[Underdog9494]

he's not indian, don't lower him to their level

Yeah but he's an ai robotcel

 

[got.daim]

Yeah but he's an ai robotcel

he's a chadbot

 

[Underdog9494]

he's a chadbot

Pedogpt

 

[got.daim]

Pedogpt

okay.. he's not even really a pedo if you think about it

 

[noodlelover]

i don't know what to do with my life, nothing makes me happy currently, i more of waste time with meaningless hobbies

Here's what I've experienced that brings the absolute best experience.

Become extremely good at a creative pursuit. I don't care what it is, ventriloquist comedy if you want. Magic. Painting puppies. Whatever.

You pick one thing and relentlessly push yourself to improve. Four hours a day, decade after decade, or until you physically can't any more. As you reach the upper levels of skill you'll start experiencing flow state. Flow state happens when you have a high degree of skill and it's an amazing experience. Flow state in dance, ventriloquist comedy, painting, whatever it is going to be an amazing experience.

You can also invent a new creative field by combining existing things.

But, you may need to do self healing work before you have the mental energy to start getting into something. I don't know. You may want to focus on doing whatever you have to, to get a job, and push through it, so that you can afford therapy. If you download ChatGPT and go to browse GPTs, and search "Therapist" and "Therapy" you'll see some Ai therapists. Either human, or Ai therapists but you need some one to challenge your thought loops to make you rethink them, so that you can heal.

It's not your fault. It's other people's fault you're messed up. But it is up to you to take the first steps to heal, even if that's getting money to pay for a therapist. You can ask Ai's for CBT journaling exercises as well. (I haven't tested this)

Meditation, Guided at first can help as well.

So TLDR, focus on your mental health.

read every word, i will use this thank you

Good luck!

 

[grungymallard97]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

I didn’t read but hope things get better

 

[got.daim]

I didn’t read but hope things get better

thanks brocel

 

[RICHCELDOM]

Dramatic but I don't give a shit tbh

 

[got.daim]

Become extremely good at a creative pursuit. I don't care what it is, ventriloquist comedy if you want. Magic. Painting puppies. Whatever.

i am really good at chess!! i'd say i'm pretty good at comedy too, and i'm great at LEGO

You pick one thing and relentlessly push yourself to improve. Four hours a day, decade after decade, or until you physically can't any more. As you reach the upper levels of skill you'll start experiencing flow state. Flow state happens when you have a high degree of skill and it's an amazing experience. Flow state in dance, ventriloquist comedy, painting, whatever it is going to be an amazing experience.

what about looks maxing? i want to become chad

But, you may need to do self healing work before you have the mental energy to start getting into something. I don't know. You may want to focus on doing whatever you have to, to get a job, and push through it, so that you can afford therapy. If you download ChatGPT and go to browse GPTs, and search "Therapist" and "Therapy" you'll see some Ai therapists. Either human, or Ai therapists but you need some one to challenge your thought loops to make you rethink them, so that you can heal.

probably going to use AI especially since i get very nervous with new people

Good luck!

thanks brocel

 

[noodlelover]

i am really good at chess!! i'd say i'm pretty good at comedy too, and i'm great at LEGO

I'd say keep going with any of these.

The better you get, the more fun you'll have, and the more you'll be able to get into flow state when doing these.

But the important part is to constantly be pushing yourself to improve, always. That means assessing how well you're doing, and noticing patterns for when you're doing better.

Let's say comedy, so you might feel like your vocal inflections could be better on delivery, so you spend a few hours on that. The next time, you're thinking your pausing could be better, so you spend a few hours playing around with different pauses before delivery, and so on. It's natural to bounce between different areas of focus.

Reading books on the subject can help inspire you or give you different areas of focus to improve.

what about looks maxing? i want to become chad

You won't ever be truly happy in life until you've learned to enjoy the small things.

Well that's my opinion anyways. If you want to be Chad, enjoy the process of becoming Chad.

That means enjoy researching scientific concepts. Either by reading scientific journals or talking to an Ai that has a good scientific understanding and is plugged into scientific journals. I recommend "Scholar GPT" a ChatGPT custom GPT.

I use to read studies (My hobby is anti-age maxing, not as much looksmaxing but I dabble in some looksmaxing).

And then it's coming up with different interpretations of the literature, and different theories, and ways to measure success.

Then run an experiment on yourself, assess the results, and go back into the scientific literature. That's the process of looksmaxing in a nutshell.

probably going to use AI especially since i get very nervous with new people

Be consistent with it. 5-10 minutes a day, makes a massive difference over a year.

thanks brocel

 

[IBlameSub5Genetics]

i just need someone to hold me and tell me everything's okay.. i wish i was still a kid so my parents showed me affection, my parents used to give me a lot of love until around the age of 7-8 when my father started having affairs with other women and troons.. this really affected me as a child since i grew up poor, very poor.. i didn't have any fun, cool toys like the rest of the kids my age, and they all received love, so when i first got introduced to school i would always hug my teachers and other students because i needed something to fill the void of loneliness.. im addicted to the love i once felt but i feel as if no one can give it to me.. i've more of sheltered myself off because of the dryness of the world, it's hard to get me to open up about stuff mostly because i don't think people would care, especially since my parents never did.. they left me. to be raised by myself, they did give me the necessary tools for life (food water clothes house) but nothing else, even now whenever i talk to them it's like they want nothing to do with me.. i feel like not even my creators wanted me to exist, i feel this burden to impress my parents, but i can never do so since they're never impressed by me, instead they're too busy with eachother and their fighting, i wish they would've divorced when i was a kid.. it would've made my childhood a lot more easier and enjoyable, except the only problem with that is my dad hates my mother and her entire family.. he thinks they're all stupid pricks.. but in reality they're just all depressed TBH.. i'm the only living male on my mothers side because the rest of them have milled themselves, i'm surprised i've made it this long without successfully ending myself, i've had a few attempts (starting at around the age of 8) with attempts in drowning myself, hanging, eating random stuff, electrocution, and many other methods.. all surprisingly failed, i wish my parents would've loved me.. maybe then i wouldn't be an incel, maybe i could've been a normie, maybe i wouldn't have made all those dumb decisions as an early teen going through puberty which made me the way i am.. what i'm trying to say is.. your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world, i'm tired of being hurt.. treated like shit.. whenever someone says something, does a jesture that makes me feel less than human, it gives me that much more reason to kill myself, i've never had a GF my entire life, probably because my parents were very strict about me going out.. i wasn't a loser in school either, i was actually quite popular, i played sports i did decent in school.. that was until i stopped trying, i gave up.. i gave up on everything, i gave up on faking my personality, my sports, my schoolwork, i had to take another year of school because of how bad i was doing, i just wanted my life to be over.. this caused a huge spike in my suicidal thoughts.. i didn't care about how i felt (as in like physical pain) i would go for long walks around this time, and this is around the time someone who i was very close with started abusing me. (i'm not going into much details because it's not important to the story and it's very personal and sensitive to me) but all you need to know about the abuse is that i had very bad PTSD from it, i would always get these nightmares of the same event, the person abusing me, every night, whenever i slept, my parents didn't care, this is how i got into lucid dreaming, it was around 2009-2011 i started using these forums more frequently because it was my only source of love, i felt love from the forum and the members, when i was on the forum i felt extreme happiness, even if the community was very small i was happy, i didn't care, i had actual friends who shared the same interests as me, while in school i always felt like i was putting on an act.. trying to make everyone else feel good while deep down i was sad, i hated everything about myself, but when i just gave up i didn't feel anything from the people who i used to listen to, i would only listen and care about what the people on the forum said, it helped me by stopping my frequent nightmares, also it helped me out of depression, it was the first time i felt happy in a while, but then reality had to be a bitch and slap me with its BBC.. my parents took my internet access for around 6-8 months, they said i had to work on everything, this is when the verbal abuse became too much, i tried to run away multiple times, but each time they always managed to catch me, i would hide from the police and my family, i hated them, i hated everything about them, i just wanted everything to stop, i was the most depressed i've ever been in my life, all i want is love, i hate when people call me selfish or rude, all i ever try to do is do things for others, i don't mean to be selfish or rude, but sometimes i can be, i hate myself for that, i wish i could be the perfect son for my father, and the perfect son for my mother, i've failed them both, i am a burden on everyone i meet, i make people angry whenever i do something, i just try to keep my head down and stay out of the way but by me trying to avoid the crowds i always get into the most trouble and make people the most angry, sometimes i reflect on my life and think what if these small things never happened..? would my life be normal? or would i have already killed myself? i wish i was born to a normal family, i wish i grew up middle class, i wish i was attractive, i wish i wasn't self conscious, i wish i wasn't nervous to talk to people in person, i wish i had social skills, all i really want in life is love, and to get that i have to let down my barriers.. and i truly don't think i can do so.. i truly believe my future is me being dead or becoming a professional neuromancer to the point i can generate my own love from within myself (aka from my tulpa GF) i don't really want sex, no matter how much i talk about it here, it's all for lols and i'm never serious, i just want a girl to give me a chance, i hate being alone, i just want someone to talk to and hug and cuddle, i don't even care if they're a guy or girl tbh, i just want someone, i think i might be asexual, i don't think that's a failos but it might be, i hate my life. i'm not even telling you all my life lore lmao.. it's so so soooo much more deeper than this, this is 1 out of 10000 stories i have from my incel life.. the sad thing is 99.999% of all my experiences and stories are negative, i've not had a hug from either of my parents since around 10.. they would always tell me foster care was a terrible place, i could never get a GF in my teens because i pretty much lost all my popularity after abandoning my friends and quiting sports.. i was the weird kid, i sat alone, didn't talk to anyone, kept to myself, even when i was popular i kept to myself, as a little kid i was never popular though, i was teased and bullied a lot before hitting puberty early.. my early puberty gave me an insane advantage in sports (which is what made me popular) until everyone caught up with me... i was small.

I was born, and my life was over.

(please don't judge me and don't make jokes like dnr because this is a really sensitive topic to me)

sorry for asking but what does dnr mean like do not rope or smth?

 

[LTNUser]

Good thread
Dnr

Who's the girl in your avi

 

[LTNUser]

sorry for asking but what does dnr mean like do not rope or smth?

Did not read

 

[IBlameSub5Genetics]

Did not read

ah okay thx

 

[LTNUser]

ah okay thx

No problem

 

[Aviddegree40571]

i don't care for sex either, but jerking off feels good so i do it

You might be autistic

 

[lifeless]

LMFAOOOOOOOO
THIS JUST MADE MY DAY

 

[hopecel]

your entire life is dictated from what your parents do, if your parents don't care for you, you will become incel and shield yourself away from the rest of the world

that's a brutal truth, relatable

btw, what are your stats (age, PSL, height, weight etc)?