I am done chasing you

TrueSarmale

TrueSarmale

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I am done chasing you and that’s something I never thought I would actually say because for the longest time I just kept convincing myself that if I just tried harder, if I stayed a little longer, if I just loved you better then maybe one day you would look at me the way I look at you but somewhere along the way I started to realize that I was the only one running after something that was never running back to me and I don’t even know why it took me this long to see it maybe because loving you made me blind or maybe because I didn’t want to believe that someone I loved that deeply could make me feel so alone while standing right next to me. It’s not like I suddenly stopped caring about you because I didn’t. I still care about you in ways that I probably shouldn’t but I’m just so tired of feeling like I have to chase someone just to be noticed. I hate admitting that I stayed this long hoping you would eventually notice and turn around to say wait don’t go I want you too but you never did and maybe that silence is the answer I kept refusing to hear. Now I’m starting to finally understand something that hurts more than anything else. You were never mine, not really, I just loved you like you were and that’s why letting go feels so heavy. I’m not just leaving you, I’m leaving the version of us that only existed in my head, the one where you actually chose me like I chose you. Maybe we really weren’t meant for each other, maybe that’s the truth I had been fighting against for so long and if that’s the case then fine I won’t chase you anymore, I won’t keep trying to prove that I’m worth loving because love was never supposed to feel like this and I truly hope you’re happy with whoever you choose because even after everything, part of me still wants good things for you. I just finally realized I can’t keep trying to destroy myself trying to be one of them.
 
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I wonder what goes through the small head’s of the people who post these kind of threads
 
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I am done chasing you and that’s something I never thought I would actually say because for the longest time I just kept convincing myself that if I just tried harder, if I stayed a little longer, if I just loved you better then maybe one day you would look at me the way I look at you but somewhere along the way I started to realize that I was the only one running after something that was never running back to me and I don’t even know why it took me this long to see it maybe because loving you made me blind or maybe because I didn’t want to believe that someone I loved that deeply could make me feel so alone while standing right next to me. It’s not like I suddenly stopped caring about you because I didn’t. I still care about you in ways that I probably shouldn’t but I’m just so tired of feeling like I have to chase someone just to be noticed. I hate admitting that I stayed this long hoping you would eventually notice and turn around to say wait don’t go I want you too but you never did and maybe that silence is the answer I kept refusing to hear. Now I’m starting to finally understand something that hurts more than anything else. You were never mine, not really, I just loved you like you were and that’s why letting go feels so heavy. I’m not just leaving you, I’m leaving the version of us that only existed in my head, the one where you actually chose me like I chose you. Maybe we really weren’t meant for each other, maybe that’s the truth I had been fighting against for so long and if that’s the case then fine I won’t chase you anymore, I won’t keep trying to prove that I’m worth loving because love was never supposed to feel like this and I truly hope you’re happy with whoever you choose because even after everything, part of me still wants good things for you. I just finally realized I can’t keep trying to destroy myself trying to be one of them.
Bro wrote his whole life story just for me to dnr it
 
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