I asked my wife to have sex. AITA?

[Deleted member 4645]

Currently at the dentist waiting for my turn (33 minutes), so I thought it'd be a great time to get you guys opinion.

So le wife (29F) and I (35M) recently got married (1 year) and we've been having a hard time taking out relationship to the next level.

When I met her (29F) I (35M) felt like we were a good match. She seemed really in love with me, but she fall in love even more when she heard how smart (117IQ) I was. In fact, I'm a doctor.

Fast forward, after a couple of luxurious dates (3) I decided to propose to her, and the answer was positive (a yes).

However, since we've been married (1 year), she's been more and more distant, she even refused to cook food and told me to eat noodles (instant) instead . I thought that was normal because she may be be the wife, it'd still be sexist of me to ask her to get into the kitchen.

But the problem is, she (29F) even refuses to have sex (+18) and seems to be closer to the dog (Doberman 5 M) that she's to me (35M).

So tell me Reddit, AITA?

 

[Deleted member 4645]

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[Deleted member 3328]

YTA sweaty

 

[Deleted member 3299]

it depends on ur tone of voice

 

[Deleted member 4645]

YTA sweaty

Yikes. I knew I've been reading toxic sites a bit too much.

 

[Deleted member 4645]

it depends on ur tone of voice

You're saying I should I try to sweet-talk her? I'm sorry but this seems like an abusive controlling behavior. I do not condone this.

I want her to have sex (+18) with me while 100% consenting.

 

[Deleted member 7866]

Dogpilled again

 

[Deleted member 4645]

Dogpilled again

Can you ELI5 that for me buddy? I don't quite get your answer.

 

[Deleted member 7866]

Can you ELI5 that for me buddy? I don't quite get your answer.

Your wife fuck dog

 

[Deleted member 4645]

Your wife fuck dog

Spotted the incel. Downvote to the left.

 

[W0KESTMOTHF]

Brutal dog pill

 

[Deleted member 6577]

Spotted the incel. Downvote to the left.

For how long are you withdrawing from sex

 

[Over]

Currently at the dentist waiting for my turn (33 minutes), so I thought it'd be a great time to get you guys opinion.

So le wife (29F) and I (35M) recently got married (1 year) and we've been having a hard time taking out relationship to the next level.

When I met her (29F) I (35M) felt like we were a good match. She seemed really in love with me, but she fall in love even more when she heard how smart (117IQ) I was. In fact, I'm a doctor.

Fast forward, after a couple of luxurious dates (3) I decided to propose to her, and the answer was positive (a yes).

However, since we've been married (1 year), she's been more and more distant, she even refused to cook food and told me to eat noodles (instant) instead . I thought that was normal because she may be be the wife, it'd still be sexist of me to ask her to get into the kitchen.

But the problem is, she (29F) even refuses to have sex (+18) and seems to be closer to the dog (Doberman 5 M) that she's to me (35M).

So tell me Reddit, AITA?

Today you will see this in your dreams

 

[Deleted member 4645]

For how long are you withdrawing from sex

What do you mean? My wife is going to be my first.

 

[Gren]

That's rape. You are the rapist. I can't fucking believe you made a thread here. You're not only a bastard, you're a crazy rapist, you belong in jail

 

[Deleted member 4645]

View attachment 696124 That's rape. You are the rapist. I can't fucking believe you made a thread here. You're not only a bastard, you're a crazy rapist, you belong in jail

Heckerino, how did I miss this?

Thank you for unpacking this sir. I don't deserve her. Should I wear a chastity cage to show my remorse?

 

[Deleted member 6997]

He raped you. His being tuned on does not make it okay and this was not your fault, but it's normal for it to take time for you to acknowledge what happened - hell, it took me almost a decade to be able to to call it rape when it happened to me. It can be down to shock or if female we're socialized to be agreeable, all genders are socialized to accept this idea that men are more horny and it's 'boys being boys' when a man behaves this way.

He raped you - why would you want to date a rapist? I do believe that sexually abusive people can change but it can't happen overnight, it can't happen if the rapist sees no consequences of their actions, but also it's not at all healthy for a victim/survivor to continue a relationship with their rapist. You can't fix that broken trust, he chose to rape you and that int itself is huge but that will also have a huge impact on your relationship dynamic. Then of course there's your ability to heal, you can't do that while still with the person who hurt you this way.

You may not want to report, that's absolutely fine and totally understandable - I get the impression this was fairly recent, but just in case it has happened in the last few days I would point out that a rape kit can be run as late as four days after the assault and a rape kit doesn't mean having to go forward with pressing charges against him (but some people like to do this so there is evidence in case they change their mind at a later date, it can help a person feel more in control).

You may not report but you are still entitled to support and you should seek it...any rape is bad but with an intimate partner it can be so much worse, it's someone who you trusted and loved. The biggest thing for me was not the rape itself but how people responded or seeing comments in news stories about rape: the number of people who would say it's not rape if it was my partner, who scolded me for not reporting, the difficulty knowing I wouldn't be believed...that fucks with your head. The more help you can get the better, and the less likely you are to self-destruct or carry trauma into future relationships.

Rape always feels like your fault...it's never your fault. I think it's because society frames rape as something we have to protect against so when it happens to us on some subconscious level we blame ourselves, but also it's someone taking away your control so it's difficult to accept that you weren't in control and so what happened wasn't your fault. Plus in your case he blamed you in a way by saying he was too horny to stop, also it was a partner who should love you so it's like having them cheat or breakup with you in that you're questioning your worth that they could do this to you.

It gets better, but you need to distance yourself from him.

 

[Deleted member 4645]

He raped you. His being tuned on does not make it okay and this was not your fault, but it's normal for it to take time for you to acknowledge what happened - hell, it took me almost a decade to be able to to call it rape when it happened to me. It can be down to shock or if female we're socialized to be agreeable, all genders are socialized to accept this idea that men are more horny and it's 'boys being boys' when a man behaves this way.

He raped you - why would you want to date a rapist? I do believe that sexually abusive people can change but it can't happen overnight, it can't happen if the rapist sees no consequences of their actions, but also it's not at all healthy for a victim/survivor to continue a relationship with their rapist. You can't fix that broken trust, he chose to rape you and that int itself is huge but that will also have a huge impact on your relationship dynamic. Then of course there's your ability to heal, you can't do that while still with the person who hurt you this way.

You may not want to report, that's absolutely fine and totally understandable - I get the impression this was fairly recent, but just in case it has happened in the last few days I would point out that a rape kit can be run as late as four days after the assault and a rape kit doesn't mean having to go forward with pressing charges against him (but some people like to do this so there is evidence in case they change their mind at a later date, it can help a person feel more in control).

You may not report but you are still entitled to support and you should seek it...any rape is bad but with an intimate partner it can be so much worse, it's someone who you trusted and loved. The biggest thing for me was not the rape itself but how people responded or seeing comments in news stories about rape: the number of people who would say it's not rape if it was my partner, who scolded me for not reporting, the difficulty knowing I wouldn't be believed...that fucks with your head. The more help you can get the better, and the less likely you are to self-destruct or carry trauma into future relationships.

Rape always feels like your fault...it's never your fault. I think it's because society frames rape as something we have to protect against so when it happens to us on some subconscious level we blame ourselves, but also it's someone taking away your control so it's difficult to accept that you weren't in control and so what happened wasn't your fault. Plus in your case he blamed you in a way by saying he was too horny to stop, also it was a partner who should love you so it's like having them cheat or breakup with you in that you're questioning your worth that they could do this to you.

It gets better, but you need to distance yourself from him.

I literally can't even. Rape is so problematic and I'm just being part of the problem. Wow... Just wow.