I cannot live alone for the sake of what I might do

its not that bad
 
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Seek professional help.

I'm not saying this as some type of joke, I mean it
 
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I don't know if I can. Parents have strong distain towards therapy and I mentioned it to my dad once and he dismissed me.
Hmmmm..... Maybe try looking for some studies or reputable sources to show him? Given his current position, I’m not sure that will convince him, but it’s worth a shot. If that doesn’t work, you could try finding online counseling or a community that can help you.

Alternatively, you could read up on specific therapy methods yourself. While it won’t be as effective as doing it with a professional, it might still help you understand why you’re experiencing what you are and give you some ideas for how to work through it. There may also be public healthcare options in your area that you can access for free, though they might require parental consent.
 
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Nah I shouldn't say that
 
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