I can't do it anymore

[asdvek]

I know I sound weak but I am really about to ropemaxx. I just can't live like that anymore. The only thing that could save me is my ascension but I'm not even doing it right. Never felt more insecure in my whole entire life but also never had received this much compliments. Finals are on the way, I can't even study, I can't do anything. Seriously sometimes I just wanna kms and have an actual enjoyable moment of my life without thinking of how my body looks, or how my cheeks looks, how my nose looks... I'm missing out on everything just to starve but then I binge at home. Do I have to sell my soul to have the willpower to diet? I don't even know what's right in my life, everything seems wrong, how I study, my brain, my nose, my face, my lips, my hair, my body, my voice. A girl that I know is insecure (I've noticed that she always criticize in a light hypocritical way people that are prettier than her ALWAYS) made fun about me "stuttering" honestly i don't even know if its real but I used to do that then stopped, was is just a moment thing, or am I really doing it again. I'm ashamed to be seen, to be heard, of everything. My friends asked me if I had an ed bc they've caught me not eating for 2 days (it was 3 days actually) and one of them started pointing out that I was sus, my eating habits ressembling the ones of rexic people, but like? It's none of your business just stay fat w your body positivity?And stop pointing out such sensitive subject like, it's uncomfortable? I just don't even know what to do with my life anymore, what am I supposed to do? Jump of a cliff, try drgs, smoke?

Bhai tel me ur height weight bodyfat age bidelt face rating