D
Deleted member 32285
Kraken
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2023
- Posts
- 3,082
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Due to watching huge amount of gore videos (including animals and humans) which made me truly hate the world (demonic place) with burning passion, because of watching so much gore I also developed torture paranoia which means I sometimes in the middle of the day have panic attacks in which my mind attacks me with all the ways my body could be hurted.
Another reason is simply the fact that I have utterly fried dopamine receptors due to usage of internet since I was 14, I watched so many short attention span mlg/hyperborea edits, pornography and other brain frying things. I also started masturbating when I was 14 and in fact I have been jerking off almost every single day since then, because of this I cant get aroused by anything anymore except extreme things. I tried no surf, no fap etc. for several months but I still didnt feel anything positive at all.
Also add to it fact that since puberty started I was always at the bottom of the social hierarchy, was bullied and socially isolated. I havent talked with anyone my age for 3 years. I was constantly in stress in school and to this day Im stressed almost constantly when Im around other people
I was also forced to take antipsychotics by psychiatrist from which I developed temporary akhatisia (unable to stay still) which forced me to walk constantly. On top of that it fried my dopamine receptors even more and completely destroyed my rich inner world I once had.
Knowing the truth which means blackpill also made me extremally depressed. Im short and my face is ugly, Im also autistic so it means its utterly over for me, I never had any friends and people were always treating me with disdain. One aspect of it is haunting me the most - the agepill, because I know it will only get worst. I also had spiritual journey which ended in catastrophe. I started believing I am a God in some point of my life and that Im in fact all things that existed exist and will ever exist. After realizing how much suffering is in this world it destroyed me and I became gnostic and I deem this planet (or even universe) as demonic loosh farm designed to extract loosh generated by suffering from dwellers of this plane.
Yeah also Im college droppout NEET with disability living in 3rd world shithole.
Overall Im extremally mentally ill individual with no hope for the future, haunting past, iredeemable physical attributes and completly fried brain. This is what you end up as If you are forced to rot and have no life.
Another reason is simply the fact that I have utterly fried dopamine receptors due to usage of internet since I was 14, I watched so many short attention span mlg/hyperborea edits, pornography and other brain frying things. I also started masturbating when I was 14 and in fact I have been jerking off almost every single day since then, because of this I cant get aroused by anything anymore except extreme things. I tried no surf, no fap etc. for several months but I still didnt feel anything positive at all.
Also add to it fact that since puberty started I was always at the bottom of the social hierarchy, was bullied and socially isolated. I havent talked with anyone my age for 3 years. I was constantly in stress in school and to this day Im stressed almost constantly when Im around other people
I was also forced to take antipsychotics by psychiatrist from which I developed temporary akhatisia (unable to stay still) which forced me to walk constantly. On top of that it fried my dopamine receptors even more and completely destroyed my rich inner world I once had.
Knowing the truth which means blackpill also made me extremally depressed. Im short and my face is ugly, Im also autistic so it means its utterly over for me, I never had any friends and people were always treating me with disdain. One aspect of it is haunting me the most - the agepill, because I know it will only get worst. I also had spiritual journey which ended in catastrophe. I started believing I am a God in some point of my life and that Im in fact all things that existed exist and will ever exist. After realizing how much suffering is in this world it destroyed me and I became gnostic and I deem this planet (or even universe) as demonic loosh farm designed to extract loosh generated by suffering from dwellers of this plane.
Yeah also Im college droppout NEET with disability living in 3rd world shithole.
Overall Im extremally mentally ill individual with no hope for the future, haunting past, iredeemable physical attributes and completly fried brain. This is what you end up as If you are forced to rot and have no life.
