I can't take it anymore

[Sub->CL]

Since I was fully blackpilled at 13, I knew surgery was the only option.
I've been so patient but now that my first is in less than two months, I can't take it anymore.

I'll ascend so much in the next nine months that it's unbelievable.
But I'm not excited at all, to be honest I hate the fact that it's stringing me along from killing myself.

I have no energy to learn, think, or work.
I've been holding so tightly onto my life that I just want to be able to let go.

So much pain from the past and hope for the future in conflict.
Now that I've typed this out, I wonder if I'm just scared.

 

[Sub->CL]

@Prøphet @lurking truecel @qyzor101 @buccalfatremoval @toodeepin0

 

[swerzfr]

Hope u ascend and get better bro

 

[buccalfatremoval]

Ssris are getting to you be patient

OD on sleeping meds if you have to

 

[billythekid]

Yes you are scared cus you a bitch

Die on the operating table pls

 

[Prøphet]

Since I was fully blackpilled at 13, I knew surgery was the only option.
I've been so patient but now that my first is in less than two months, I can't take it anymore.

I'll ascend so much in the next nine months that it's unbelievable.
But I'm not excited at all, to be honest I hate the fact that it's stringing me along from killing myself.

I have no energy to learn, think, or work.
I've been holding so tightly onto my life that I just want to be able to let go.

So much pain from the past and hope for the future in conflict.
Now that I've typed this out, I wonder if I'm just scared.

I feel you man

I felt the same before my first surgery

Don’t think about what comes after

You’ll cross that bridge when you get there

Dedicate yourself to your battle and deal with the rest after

It’s impossible to see how things will be until you’re there, so don’t waste your strength on that

 

[Sub->CL]

Ssris are getting to you be patient

OD on sleeping meds if you have to

oh shit you're right I forgot
no idea how you remembered

thanks bro, one of my fav users

 

[buccalfatremoval]

oh shit you're right I forgot
no idea how you remembered

thanks bro, one of my fav users

Good luck

Try to waste more time so it runs by quick

 

[Sub->CL]

I feel you man

I felt the same before my first surgery

Don’t think about what comes after

You’ll cross that bridge when you get there

Dedicate yourself to your battle and deal with the rest after

It’s impossible to see how things will be until you’re there, so don’t waste your strength on that

How scared were you?
Do you have any other advice?

I only noticed writing this post that my first surgery is already less than 2mo away.
The realization hit me like a truck, that it's really happening, that 2mo ago felt like yesterday so this is basically tomorrow.
It's like the feeling of going to sleep on Christmas Eve as a kid.

 

[qyzor101]

Since I was fully blackpilled at 13, I knew surgery was the only option.
I've been so patient but now that my first is in less than two months, I can't take it anymore.

I'll ascend so much in the next nine months that it's unbelievable.
But I'm not excited at all, to be honest I hate the fact that it's stringing me along from killing myself.

I have no energy to learn, think, or work.
I've been holding so tightly onto my life that I just want to be able to let go.

So much pain from the past and hope for the future in conflict.
Now that I've typed this out, I wonder if I'm just scared.

Ig after the surgery things will settle. But I hope you ascend after those

 

[Prøphet]

How scared were you?
Do you have any other advice?

I only noticed writing this post that my first surgery is already less than 2mo away.
The realization hit me like a truck, that it's really happening, that 2mo ago felt like yesterday so this is basically tomorrow.
It's like the feeling of going to sleep on Christmas Eve as a kid.

I was so scared of something going wrong that I couldnt even eat or sleep the day before

I mean the truth is you know why you need to do this, you know what it means to you, it sounds like you’ve already thought everything through so there’s no more use in thinking it will only harm you at this point

Every day practice abandoning all your thoughts to focus all your attention only on your immediate senses And breathing

And reject any thinking shut it down as soon as you realize you’re doing it

Practice this for 20 minutes a day and soon you’ll be more free from the chains of overthinking believe it or not

As far as the actual surgery they will give you something in your iv before you even go in the operating room and you won’t have a single worry, like physically you’ll be unable to have anxiety

As far as the pain

The biggest thing to realize is that as long as the suffering means something, you’ll be able to face it

 

[toodeepin0]

Since I was fully blackpilled at 13, I knew surgery was the only option.
I've been so patient but now that my first is in less than two months, I can't take it anymore.

I'll ascend so much in the next nine months that it's unbelievable.
But I'm not excited at all, to be honest I hate the fact that it's stringing me along from killing myself.

I have no energy to learn, think, or work.
I've been holding so tightly onto my life that I just want to be able to let go.

So much pain from the past and hope for the future in conflict.
Now that I've typed this out, I wonder if I'm just scared.

It ALWAYS gets better
Trust me