E
ElySioNs
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- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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Sorry this turned out to be so long. I am a high school senior, and I have been with my bf since April. he is my first love and i can see myself being with him for the rest ofmy life. Let's call him "Jake." We are both straight A students, kinda nerdy but still social, and we were planning to lose our virginities to each other before we went off to college, and probably within the next few months. Except I screwed that up. Here is the story:
My dad is a professor at a large state university. This summer, every friday (when i wasn't at my internship) my dad would take me with him to campus so I could use one of the campus library for studying since I am trying to get a head start on one of the AP exams. Back in July, a guy approached me while I was waiting for my coffee at the library cafe. He was very attractive (tall and built) so I followed my instincts and flirted back. I knew he was obviously a college student and he assumed I was also in college, and because I was so flattered I played along. This was fairly easy to do, because I had spent a great deal of time on campus already and it was easy for me to name my freshmen dorm, etc. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then I went back to my study spot, which was relatively secluded. I honestly though I would probably never see him again so I didn't see the harm in the white lies I had told him.
But then the following week, when I arrived I chose a study spot in a more open area. I don't know if I just wanted to change of scenery or if my subconscious was hoping i would run into this hot college senior again, even if i didn't perceive a great chance of it happening again. I didn't even know his name at this point. Well thanks to my luck, in a couple of hours, he showed up. He just walked up to my table, sat down across from me, and said something like "Hey it's me, how's it going?" We chatted again and I kept pretending I was college sophomore. That day I was taking a practice exam on my laptop and just had a big biology textbook with me, so he didn't see my AP book. He didn't stay very long, but before he left he gave me his name and we exchanged numbers.
Later that day he texted me inviting me to a house party at his place off campus. Coincidentally, Jake was away on vacation with his family during this time. I wasn't seriously thinking of going at first, but then I told the story to my friend "Jessie." She convinced me that I should stop being such a good two shoes all the time, and that we should go, and she could take us because she had a car. I lied to my parents and said we were just going to the movies and then I would probably sleep over at Jessie’s place. On our way over, we created totally fake identifies for ourselves. We kept out real first names but came up with where we were from, what we were majoring in, where on campus we were living that year, etc, etc. The party was a lot larger than I expected (maybe 30-40 people? it was a big house) and there was plenty of alcohol. I only had a few beers and just got buzzed, while Jessie drank way more until she was fairly drunk (but not black our drunk) since I said I would drive back that night. Jessie was playing flip cup with a bunch of people when I wandered into the kitchen to get water and started talked to “Mike”. He was even flirtier than before and very touchy. I knew it was wrong but him touching me started to turn me on so I went along with it. After a while he led me up to his room and we made out for a bit. He tried to take it further, but I freaked out, and said I had to go check on my friend. I found Jessie and we left after 10 minutes. She had no idea what had happened and I didn’t tell her. I considered calling Jake to confess at this point but decided not to because I figured it was a one time thing and I didn’t want to hurt him and wanted to just forget about it.
A week later, Mike finds me at the library again) and comes up to and casually said something like “It wasn’t nice what you did to me last time. I don’t like rude girls. You’re going to have to make it up to me. See ya soon.” And walks away. I was floored. I felt somewhat nervous but also very excited by the idea that he wanted to see me again. Long story short, I ended up going to another one of his house parties that weekend and we hooked up again. We were kissing on his bed when he reached for a condom and then I whispered that I was virgin. He just said “that’s okay sweetie.” And that is how I lost my virginity. That weekend Jake came back from his vacation and I felt super guilty but tried to act normal. I think he might have noticed something was off but probably blamed it on PMS or something. What I did was/is extremely out of character for me so I don’t think he suspected anything like that. I so I kept hiding it from him. After Jake came back it became more difficult for me to get to campus to meet up with Mike but I managed it several times. The sex got more and more rough every time but I guess I liked the feeling of being used. The last time I went over there things got even more intense… he got his roommate involved and I ended up giving head and having sex with both of them, taking turns.
So that is my confession. I am in a big mess because Jake still wants to have sex soon, and he thinks I am virgin too, so I am afraid of doing it with him because he will probably wonder why Im not bleeding. I am not sure what to do about it. I still love him very much and I don’t want to end it but I do feel horrible about what I didn’t behind his back. To make me even more paranoid, I recently found out that Mike is taking my dad’s class this semester (I saw him on a roster my dad left on the coffee table once). I worried that my dad will somehow show the class a family photo with me in it or that Mike will come to office hours one day and see the photos on his desk (although that is unlikely since he doesn’t seem to be the academic type). I haven’t told anyone about it and I don’t plan on it. Jessie does not know that we made out that first night and I deliberately didn’t tell her about the times following that.
My dad is a professor at a large state university. This summer, every friday (when i wasn't at my internship) my dad would take me with him to campus so I could use one of the campus library for studying since I am trying to get a head start on one of the AP exams. Back in July, a guy approached me while I was waiting for my coffee at the library cafe. He was very attractive (tall and built) so I followed my instincts and flirted back. I knew he was obviously a college student and he assumed I was also in college, and because I was so flattered I played along. This was fairly easy to do, because I had spent a great deal of time on campus already and it was easy for me to name my freshmen dorm, etc. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then I went back to my study spot, which was relatively secluded. I honestly though I would probably never see him again so I didn't see the harm in the white lies I had told him.
But then the following week, when I arrived I chose a study spot in a more open area. I don't know if I just wanted to change of scenery or if my subconscious was hoping i would run into this hot college senior again, even if i didn't perceive a great chance of it happening again. I didn't even know his name at this point. Well thanks to my luck, in a couple of hours, he showed up. He just walked up to my table, sat down across from me, and said something like "Hey it's me, how's it going?" We chatted again and I kept pretending I was college sophomore. That day I was taking a practice exam on my laptop and just had a big biology textbook with me, so he didn't see my AP book. He didn't stay very long, but before he left he gave me his name and we exchanged numbers.
Later that day he texted me inviting me to a house party at his place off campus. Coincidentally, Jake was away on vacation with his family during this time. I wasn't seriously thinking of going at first, but then I told the story to my friend "Jessie." She convinced me that I should stop being such a good two shoes all the time, and that we should go, and she could take us because she had a car. I lied to my parents and said we were just going to the movies and then I would probably sleep over at Jessie’s place. On our way over, we created totally fake identifies for ourselves. We kept out real first names but came up with where we were from, what we were majoring in, where on campus we were living that year, etc, etc. The party was a lot larger than I expected (maybe 30-40 people? it was a big house) and there was plenty of alcohol. I only had a few beers and just got buzzed, while Jessie drank way more until she was fairly drunk (but not black our drunk) since I said I would drive back that night. Jessie was playing flip cup with a bunch of people when I wandered into the kitchen to get water and started talked to “Mike”. He was even flirtier than before and very touchy. I knew it was wrong but him touching me started to turn me on so I went along with it. After a while he led me up to his room and we made out for a bit. He tried to take it further, but I freaked out, and said I had to go check on my friend. I found Jessie and we left after 10 minutes. She had no idea what had happened and I didn’t tell her. I considered calling Jake to confess at this point but decided not to because I figured it was a one time thing and I didn’t want to hurt him and wanted to just forget about it.
A week later, Mike finds me at the library again) and comes up to and casually said something like “It wasn’t nice what you did to me last time. I don’t like rude girls. You’re going to have to make it up to me. See ya soon.” And walks away. I was floored. I felt somewhat nervous but also very excited by the idea that he wanted to see me again. Long story short, I ended up going to another one of his house parties that weekend and we hooked up again. We were kissing on his bed when he reached for a condom and then I whispered that I was virgin. He just said “that’s okay sweetie.” And that is how I lost my virginity. That weekend Jake came back from his vacation and I felt super guilty but tried to act normal. I think he might have noticed something was off but probably blamed it on PMS or something. What I did was/is extremely out of character for me so I don’t think he suspected anything like that. I so I kept hiding it from him. After Jake came back it became more difficult for me to get to campus to meet up with Mike but I managed it several times. The sex got more and more rough every time but I guess I liked the feeling of being used. The last time I went over there things got even more intense… he got his roommate involved and I ended up giving head and having sex with both of them, taking turns.
So that is my confession. I am in a big mess because Jake still wants to have sex soon, and he thinks I am virgin too, so I am afraid of doing it with him because he will probably wonder why Im not bleeding. I am not sure what to do about it. I still love him very much and I don’t want to end it but I do feel horrible about what I didn’t behind his back. To make me even more paranoid, I recently found out that Mike is taking my dad’s class this semester (I saw him on a roster my dad left on the coffee table once). I worried that my dad will somehow show the class a family photo with me in it or that Mike will come to office hours one day and see the photos on his desk (although that is unlikely since he doesn’t seem to be the academic type). I haven’t told anyone about it and I don’t plan on it. Jessie does not know that we made out that first night and I deliberately didn’t tell her about the times following that.
and she’s 14
