I don't know what's going on with me

[RAITEIII]

I want to know what's wrong with me.

Yesterday I went on a date and had sex, I forced myself out there because I said that it would give me the boost that I need to have a good mental state. I was even gonna offer LTR right away because I want to fall in love again. Well guess what? I had 0 pleasure. And the idea of ltrintñg went out of the window. I enjoy more doing myself than that shit.

Woke up 2 AM and my head is messed up because if I don't enjoy this then what the fuck is left for me? What am I aiming for? The terrible experiences that I had throughout my life fucked me up completely and I've been deluding myself that it gave me character. You were right @MoggerGaston. Someone like me has been exposed as being a coper. They just fucked me up. Now I'm just empty, colder and twisted.

Something that I cannot talk about publicly is that some people purposely ruined my life. I feel like that was the end for me. My innocence has been killed. I hate seeing the world with these glasses. I used to be naive and inocent and fall in love. What the fuck is left now. I could have learned in a different way, the world is the master and I'm his apprentize. But I hate what I love. And I owe it to him.

 

[tulasdanslos]

apprentize

 

[Deleted member 23239]

"Dear God – I wonder, can you save me?"
"Illuminati want my mind, soul and my body"
"Dear God – I wonder, can you save me?"
"Secret society, tryna keep they eye on me"
"Dear God – I wonder, can you save me?"
"Illuminati want my mind, soul and my body"
"Dear God – I wonder, can you save me?"
"I can't die, I can't die, I can't die"

 

[dimorphism]

I want to know what's wrong with me.

Yesterday I went on a date and had sex

dnr

 

[RAITEIII]

dnr

Dn read mofo I have the worst stories that someone could ever bring up on this forum and I have to keep silence because if alexander comes across that shit hed rat me out to fbi or some shit. Anyway people who have been here long enough know some of my stories.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

what was the chick like- looks/10 and race?

maybe she was too ugly or not your type

 

[RAITEIII]

what was the chick like- looks/10 and race?

maybe she was too ugly or not your type

white with some mix of smth idk what. Just observational.

Very good body

6 face

Kind and caring (important point because I melt when they do this)

I was turned on with the pics. And although the pics matched. I didn't enjoy the fucking. And it's been 3 times in arrow throughout time that I sleep with someone. One time it felt so meh I didn't even coom. Seriously sometimes doing myself feels better. What it was key for me was falling in love, but with the type of experiences I have under my belt something has changed and I'm not able to truthfully give my feelings.

I feel like I've been taken advsntsge of and abused in dating for being young and innocent and they messed me up.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

white with some mix of smth idk what. Just observational.

Very good body

6 face

Kind and caring (important point because I melt when they do this)

I was turned on with the pics. And although the pics matched. I didn't enjoy the fucking. And it's been 3 times in arrow throughout time that I sleep with someone. One time it felt so meh I didn't even coom. Seriously sometimes doing myself feels better. What it was key for me was falling in love, but with the type of experiences I have under my belt something has changed and I'm not able to truthfully give my feelings.

I feel like I've been taken advsntsge of and abused in dating for being young and innocent and they messed me up.

So basically a HTB/Stacylite with a feminine personality, and you felt no pleasure?

This is shocking TBH. I don't know if men would have felt this way in any other time in history

Something weird is definitely happening in the world today- is there no social glue between people anymore, no desire to pairbond or be in relationship with others?

 

[RAITEIII]

, no desire to pairbond or be in relationship with others?

My pairbond has been messed up by my life experiences. It's over fuck it.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

My pairbond has been messed up by my life experiences. It's over fuck it.

healing can occur but the trauma is deep in the body

u have to go really deep and feel the pain, then let it go

cbd oil, magic mushrooms or ayahuasca (not recommended) may help

 

[MoggerGaston]

I have this same shit with girls tbh. I probably feel too much passive anxiety when dealing with girls now which disturbs my emotions. I get stoic.

It can get better though, just is very rough at the start

 

[Deleted member 23558]

I have this same shit with girls tbh. I probably feel too much passive anxiety when dealing with girls now which disturbs my emotions. I get stoic.

It can get better though, just is very rough at the start

Wdym

 

[RAITEIII]

Wdym

That after seeing them more often then he gets more comfortable and enjoys them.