I feel guilty for my situation

[Prøphet]

Mainly I feel guilty for being as extremely unsociable as I am

I can’t even tell if I’m making excuses for myself/coping or just seeing the truth when I say it’s all out of my control

Growing up while being deformed plus ugly and short and on top of it all being genuinely ND (not the tt definition, like actually ND)

I’m just scared of people now more than anything else, I’m scared of rejection, I don’t ever want to be mocked again, I don’t ever want to be humiliated again, so I isolate myself to an extreme degree and create a burden on my poor family by how little I do in life

And it feels like every time I leave my comfort zone I get hurt, by some remark, some backhanded comment meant to go over my head and make me look like a fool, some uncomfortable look

I don’t even know, to lift myself out of this pit, how much of it is effort and how much of it is fate

 

[iblamexyz]

Mainly I feel guilty for being as extremely unsociable as I am

I can’t even tell if I’m making excuses for myself/coping or just seeing the truth when I say it’s all out of my control

Growing up while being deformed plus ugly and short and on top of it all being genuinely ND (not the tt definition, like actually ND)

I’m just scared of people now more than anything else, I’m scared of rejection, I don’t ever want to be mocked again, I don’t ever want to be humiliated again, so I isolate myself to an extreme degree and create a burden on my poor family by how little I do in life

I don’t even know, to lift myself out of this pit, how much of it is effort and how much of it is fate

exposure therapy

 

[Prøphet]

exposure therapy

I can’t get any positive reinforcement because I’m so fucking ugly, it’s a vicious cycle, I hope my surgery will change the balance and make life worth it, but it keeps getting fucking delayed and taking forever and I’m sitting around waiting for months for the system to work just rotting away while everyone else lives their life

Literally everyone takes me as a joke for the ways my eyes cross or my nonexistent chin or weird body language or weird tone so I end up isolating myself even more after these experiences in public and get even more ND which just exponentially worsens the whole thing

 

[iblamexyz]

I can’t get any positive reinforcement because I’m so fucking ugly, it’s a vicious cycle, I hope my surgery will change the balance and make life worth it, but it keeps getting fucking delayed and taking forever and I’m sitting around waiting for months for the system to work just rotting away while everyone else lives their life

Literally everyone takes me as a joke for the ways my eyes cross or my nonexistent chin or weird body language or weird tone so I end up isolating myself even more after these experiences in public and get even more ND which just exponentially worsens the whole thing

---

I’d recommend going to a local church, my brother.

Not to worship some deity or to convert you to a religion, but because, in my experience, the people there are always super nice. It might just be my church, but as Christians we’re supposed to be loving and kind to everyone who walks through the door, bro.

You might just write this off as cope, my brother, but I’d really advise you to check out a local church.

I know you can’t override human nature, but the people there tend to be a lot nicer, in my experience, my brother.

 

[McSkziofren]

and how much of it is fate

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