I feel so fucking bad everyday and i'm wondering how do you guys even do anything at all

[Santiarul]

brothers imma keep it 100% real here. i feel so absurdly subhuman every single day. i havent got a SHRED of a jawline, i got a bloated face (moon face), i dont have that much acne but i have acne scars around my cheeks, a little bit of rosacea even. My face got so much color in it that if gets another color it'll form a sub5 rainbow.

i'm white, heavy eyebags, some heavy smile lines, no definition at all anywhere and im overweight. i can fraud looking skinny in baggy clothes but once i get anything a little bit tighter that shit marks my guts like a mf. im a clear example of that one "niggas fixing they shirt" meme.

my looks robbed me of so many things in life, i hated pictures as a kid, couldn't even take pictures with my family during bday parties, family gatherings, man i just hated pictures in general because i know i'd look like shit in them. Even as a 9yo and beyond i was already suffering with self-steem issues, i was already chubby back then so family and friends used to pick at me for it, but i used to brush that shit off because i wasnt a wimp or anything like that. But on harder days it used to get to me real hard and i developed a stupid sense of dread every time people ask me for pictures.

to top it all off, i look like my father's damn clone. comically so. So much that my relatives (like cousins and uncles) made fun of me so much because of it. (My father was kind of a bum, and he was so fucking fat, so he was the butt of many jokes.)

the few things going for me are: i'm kind of pale (although i a weird sunburnt face), i am 1.93m tall so around 6'4 in american, i got a full head of hair no signs of balding (mfs really used to make fun of me because my hair used to grow on my forehead)

so to list some of my countless flaws: no damn jawline at all, hell, my chin looks recessed. I dont know if i just got too much fat covering it. Or i've got some inflammation going on that my face is just perma bloated.

i'm overweight, currently 120kg rn and i got no drive to get lean, i've been trying to go for walks every morning but to do anything exercise related takes so much willpower i just dont understand what goes on.

one of the things that used to hurt me the most was observing the absolute cold change in behaviour in foids after sending them a pic of myself. i never use my pictures in any social media and i barely post myself. Fuck bro. After feeling so out of place in reality i retreated to the internet and even then i had no peace at all.

i lurk a lot around here and it gets me wondering how so many of you guys have any drive to do anything at all. its been my dream to at least feel comfortable in my own skin but i just cant. every place i go feels overwhelming, every time someone looks at me feels shaming. im a rational guy so i dont even try to approach girls knowing how damn chopped i am

how do you guys even keep up? i feel the need to ascend from the moment i wake up bro, but i just dont move. I just dont do ANYTHING for myself. every day feels like ropefuel for me.

forgive me for the faggot ass vent. theres just no chance i'd ever be understood anywhere.

 

[Orcairis]

I don't

 

[burntboats]

first you're tall, people take cancer drugs to be taller, thank God everyday for that. Second start small, comically small. Morning walks too hard? Just go outside, and go back in. That's it. then make it into a 1 minute walk, then 2 minutes, then 5. Time will pass one way or another, and in one universe there's gonna be a you that took tiny action that became meaningful and in one you took none and nothing changed.

 

[Santiarul]

first you're tall, people take cancer drugs to be taller, thank God everyday for that. Second start small, comically small. Morning walks too hard? Just go outside, and go back in. That's it. then make it into a 1 minute walk, then 2 minutes, then 5. Time will pass one way or another, and in one universe there's gonna be a you that took tiny action that became meaningful and in one you took none and nothing changed.

yeah bro i've seen what people do to get a few inches in their legs, and i actually thank God for my height because thats my only redeeming feature. i will take your advice to heart, and to be even more sincere with you i was doing that, taking little walks right as i got off bed.
i've not been doing that for a week now but it was easy enough for me to keep it up for 3 days in a row, which honestly was a great achievement for me.

thanks for the reply, i appreciate it a lot.