I hate being a ND retard aspie who hates everything i do

[FiendFiend]

i actually relate to this a lot ive always been popular in school and have no real life experiences to back up my self beliefs, if i think back to my childhood memories i feel sick, even memories from more recently make me feel weird and its like theyre not my memories but its like ive only recently gained consciousness, yet its an endless cycle and in a few weeks ill be thinking back to right now and cringing hard

Im ngl i do have some belief that i do relate to you somewhat mentally i dont think its bar for bar the same shit. U may be an aspie or have bipolar syndrome. Because im almost certain me and prophet have both of these and its super fucking unique lol, thats why we can have the exact same shit happen like use a voice changer in video games when we were squeakers

 

[Prøphet]

water, i literally have a retarded obesession where i would replay the same song like 1000000 fucking times cuz it has a nice audio or refresh to a nice part of the song like 100000 times to the point where i get like bored of it.

BRO SAME

I swear nigga I’ll listen to a couple artists or a couple songs on repeat until I just get sick of them and never listen again

 

[FiendFiend]

Because you probably had some experiences in early childhood that cemented this into you tbh, at least that’s what I think. Objectively I was never GL but even if I was I imagine I would feel like that too. It’s insane how when something happens to you in childhood it literally attaches onto the deepest levels of who you are. It’s almost impossible to break such a “reliable” system of thinking, when you’re so familiar with it, it may as well just be who you are

yeah as i said u know this part of the reason i am the way i am cuz of my alcoholic dad who wooped my ass, thats probably where a lot of the self hatred even as a kid comes from idk where on earth ur shit comes from or if u were just born liek that though.

 

[hypernormie]

You're very neurotic

 

[1385]

Can't relate dick head

 

[Prøphet]

yeah as i said u know this part of the reason i am the way i am cuz of my alcoholic dad who wooped my ass, thats probably where a lot of the self hatred even as a kid comes from idk where on earth ur shit comes from or if u were just born liek that though.

Ye mine had anger issues as well, luckily it was never really violent in my house but it was always tense and there were many times where things became too overwhelming for me to handle

It fucking sucks man, if I ever change my mind and do decide to have kids I could never fucking do that to them because it affects literally the entire body and mind more than we can imagine

Maybe it’s a combination of being born with a weird neurochemistry and then going through shit that activates the worst parts, ik some of my male relatives are different so it’s at least a bit genetic but the environment matters a lot too

 

[FiendFiend]

BRO SAME

I swear nigga I’ll listen to a couple artists or a couple songs on repeat until I just get sick of them and never listen again

bro nigga we need to get into an office with dr cuck the psychologist and help him diagnose us. Nigga if u saw my spotify liked, u would actually be like what the actual fuck is wrong with this nigga. BTW i literally like these songs and never listen to these shits like ever again or maybe come back in a year or couple months to do the same shit

heres my autism tracker, first we got kanyes songs, then we got fucking 2010s type pop songs off the rip

then we got uzi and hella soundcloud wave shit im just simplyfing it , then i have a bunch of UK pop

then i had lil peep phase last year where i wanted to rope and listened to sad music JFLL

Then we got frank sinatra, fucking lady gaga , cheri cheri lady type shit (probably came from retarded PSL edits i watched)

Then i listened to david bowie out of no where liked like half this niggas songs, then after listened to underground rap 2hollis and kencarson

Then we got like nirvana , three days grace , fucking emo rock

Then we got 1990s and 2000s punk avril lavigne my chemical romance

Honestly this is only half way through nigga. THIS IS ALL IN ONE YEAR BTW HAHAHHAHA , u can fucking see each phase. This is definitley the most aspie bipolar shit ever

 

[H@rry]

Im ngl i do have some belief that i do relate to you somewhat mentally i dont think its bar for bar the same shit. U may be an aspie or have bipolar syndrome. Because im almost certain me and prophet have both of these and its super fucking unique lol, thats why we can have the exact same shit happen like use a voice changer in video games when we were squeakers

yeah i agree half the time i think that i dont care at all about anything/what others think etc, then a week later ill be hyperfixating on every interaction ive had or what i seem like from other peoples point of view, then get fixated on one thing that ill do obsessively for a week or so then move onto the next, but in my mind everything has to be perfect like i cant just do something for fun i have to be doing it to the highest standard even if its unrealistic. when i was like 14 i used to buy thousands of views and likes on fucking fortnite montages id make to feel accomplished, and then when i got fed up with that i did the same thing with music, its like i create all of these fake personas to feel any fulfilment

 

[H@rry]

bro nigga we need to get into an office with dr cuck the psychologist and help him diagnose us. Nigga if u saw my spotify liked, u would actually be like what the actual fuck is wrong with this nigga. BTW i literally like these songs and never listen to these shits like ever again or maybe come back in a year or couple months to do the same shit

View attachment 4372423

heres my autism tracker, first we got kanyes songs, then we got fucking 2010s type pop songs off the rip

View attachment 4372424

then we got uzi and hella soundcloud wave shit im just simplyfing it , then i have a bunch of UK pop

View attachment 4372425

then i had lil peep phase last year where i wanted to rope and listened to sad music JFLL

View attachment 4372426

Then we got frank sinatra, fucking lady gaga , cheri cheri lady type shit (probably came from retarded PSL edits i watched)

View attachment 4372430

Then i listened to david bowie out of no where liked like half this niggas songs, then after listened to underground rap 2hollis and kencarson

View attachment 4372432

Then we got like nirvana , three days grace , fucking emo rock

View attachment 4372434

Then we got 1990s and 2000s punk avril lavigne my chemical romance

View attachment 4372437

Honestly this is only half way through nigga. THIS IS ALL IN ONE YEAR BTW HAHAHHAHA , u can fucking see each phase. This is definitley the most aspie bipolar shit ever

nigga...

 

[FiendFiend]

Ye mine had anger issues as well, luckily it was never really violent in my house but it was always tense and there were many times where things became too overwhelming for me to handle

It fucking sucks man, if I ever change my mind and do decide to have kids I could never fucking do that to them because it affects literally the entire body and mind more than we can imagine

Maybe it’s a combination of being born with a weird neurochemistry and then going through shit that activates the worst parts, ik some of my male relatives are different so it’s at least a bit genetic but the environment matters a lot too

It really is a mix of genes and life experience, same for me, it wasnt even me getting wooped that happend like prob like 3 or 4 times, its the constant living in fear and overwhelming it became and how my parents nearly divorced at one point.

I think we should just not take ourselves seriously, honestly talking about this helped so much like even sending my liked songs jsut made me laugh how much of a fucking neurotic retard i really am and how im bipolar as fuck so should just accept thats how i am and just see where it takes me.

 

[FiendFiend]

nigga...

ok but do u have like the autistic variation in where ur listening to like one whole genre for a month or two, then changing to some other extreme. JFLLLL i started this year listening to like fucking david bowie and 2000s punk pop and im finishing the year listening to king von and gangster rap. Shits not real.

 

[FiendFiend]

when i was like 14 i used to buy thousands of views and likes on fucking fortnite montages id make to feel accomplished

nigga

 

[H@rry]

ok but do u have like the autistic variation in where ur listening to like one whole genre for a month or two, then changing to some other extreme. JFLLLL i started this year listening to like fucking david bowie and 2000s punk pop and im finishing the year listening to king von and gangster rap. Shits not real.

started this year listening to fucking beebadoobee and now ive got sematary as my most recent liked

 

[FiendFiend]

started this year listening to fucking beebadoobee and now ive got sematary as my most recent liked

LOOOL nigga i listened to semetary too , bro fucking wild how i can go from lil peep, cemetary, r&b, lyrical lemonade ah songs, to gangster thug rap from chicago

 

[FiendFiend]

yeah i agree half the time i think that i dont care at all about anything/what others think etc, then a week later ill be hyperfixating on every interaction ive had or what i seem like from other peoples point of view, then get fixated on one thing that ill do obsessively for a week or so then move onto the next, but in my mind everything has to be perfect like i cant just do something for fun i have to be doing it to the highest standard even if its unrealistic. when i was like 14 i used to buy thousands of views and likes on fucking fortnite montages id make to feel accomplished, and then when i got fed up with that i did the same thing with music, its like i create all of these fake personas to feel any fulfilment

the fortnite edits made me cage so so fucking hard man and botting part too. I'd used to grind this app to give me views on my shit where u would earn credits to bot them.

 

[H@rry]

the fortnite edits made me cage so so fucking hard man and botting part too. I'd used to grind this app to give me views on my shit where u would earn credits to bot them.

literally bro i hate my fucking memories more than anything

 

[FiendFiend]

literally bro i hate my fucking memories more than anything

ong bro i cringe over the most stupid shit ever. It just is what it is man. Its nice to talk about it, because then it really puts in perspective how stupid and not serious those things we spent hella time on pondering on about really were.

 

[Prøphet]

bro nigga we need to get into an office with dr cuck the psychologist and help him diagnose us. Nigga if u saw my spotify liked, u would actually be like what the actual fuck is wrong with this nigga. BTW i literally like these songs and never listen to these shits like ever again or maybe come back in a year or couple months to do the same shit

View attachment 4372423

heres my autism tracker, first we got kanyes songs, then we got fucking 2010s type pop songs off the rip

View attachment 4372424

then we got uzi and hella soundcloud wave shit im just simplyfing it , then i have a bunch of UK pop

View attachment 4372425

then i had lil peep phase last year where i wanted to rope and listened to sad music JFLL

View attachment 4372426

Then we got frank sinatra, fucking lady gaga , cheri cheri lady type shit (probably came from retarded PSL edits i watched)

View attachment 4372430

Then i listened to david bowie out of no where liked like half this niggas songs, then after listened to underground rap 2hollis and kencarson

View attachment 4372432

Then we got like nirvana , three days grace , fucking emo rock

View attachment 4372434

Then we got 1990s and 2000s punk avril lavigne my chemical romance

View attachment 4372437

Honestly this is only half way through nigga. THIS IS ALL IN ONE YEAR BTW HAHAHHAHA , u can fucking see each phase. This is definitley the most aspie bipolar shit ever

My brother js another me

Listening to every genre is lowkey peak tho tbh, I bump feng nirvana unreleased peep Lil o carti and TikTok edit music all in one day

 

[Prøphet]

It really is a mix of genes and life experience, same for me, it wasnt even me getting wooped that happend like prob like 3 or 4 times, its the constant living in fear and overwhelming it became and how my parents nearly divorced at one point.

I think we should just not take ourselves seriously, honestly talking about this helped so much like even sending my liked songs jsut made me laugh how much of a fucking neurotic retard i really am and how im bipolar as fuck so should just accept thats how i am and just see where it takes me.

Deadass there’s really no way to keep up with being someone you’re not as bluepilled as that sounds, its a million times easier and more doable to just max out your face so you can comfortably be yourself without criticism