I hate being autistic

[incel13]

I Hate Being Autistic, and I Hate Myself for It

I don’t just hate being autistic.
I hate me.

I hate the way I talk — too fast, too much, too awkward. I hear myself speak and want to punch a wall. I see people’s eyes glaze over when I ramble, and I know I’ve lost them, again. I can’t stop, though. I never know when enough is enough. I don’t know how to be normal, and honestly? I don’t even know what “normal” is. All I know is that I’m not it.

I hate the way I freeze up in conversations, the way my body stiffens and my brain shuts down when things get too loud, too bright, too everything. I hate that I have to mentally prepare for basic stuff — going to a store, answering the phone, existing.

And the worst part? I know people are annoyed by me. I can feel it — even if they don’t say it. Every fake laugh, every “uh-huh,” every excuse to walk away... it all adds up. I’m not stupid. I know I make people uncomfortable. I’m the awkward one. The weird one. The one who says too much or too little or the wrong thing altogether.

And so I’ve started to hate my own presence. I ruin the mood. I ruin the silence. I ruin myself.

I watch people just be. And I wonder what it’s like to not constantly be performing. Because that’s all I do. I mask, I script, I fake reactions I don’t feel so that people won’t leave me. But they leave anyway. Because eventually the mask cracks, and what’s underneath isn’t something anyone wants to stick around for.

I know I’m a burden. I know I exhaust people. I know I take up too much space or not enough, never the right kind.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear not in a dramatic, crying-for-help way. I mean it quietly. Peacefully. Like if I just faded out of everyone’s life, things would get easier for them. Maybe for me
too.
I see the posts “Autism is a superpower,” “Neurodivergent and proud” and I want to scream. This doesn’t feel like a superpower. This feels like a punishment. Like I was built wrong and now I’m just supposed to be okay with that.

But I’m not okay.

I’m tired of pretending that I am.
I’m tired of trying to love a version of me that never felt lovable in the first place.
I’m tired of me.

I hate that this is how I exist. I hate how trapped I feel in my own head. I hate that no matter how much I try to explain, people still don’t get it. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be.
But I am.
And that’s the hardest part.
Sorry if this is a little long you dont even have to read everything i just had get if off my chest

 

[IliaTopuria]

 

[incel13]

Well im not really proud of it i hate it it makes me feel like an asshole i dont even think my "friends" like me

 

[×OneBird×]

Having autism sucks, but at least you're alive.

 

[IliaTopuria]

Well im not really proud of it i hate it it makes me feel like an asshole i dont even think my "friends" like me

Well then they are not your friends, there are many people that will be your real friendsYou just can’t be ND and have to talk to people. Go live your life lil nigga

 

[_MVP_]

U we're Born 2 lose

 

[incel13]

Well then they are not your friends, there are many people that will be your real friendsYou just can’t be ND and have to talk to people. Go live your life lil nigga

Thanks big nigga

 

[incel13]

U we're Born 2 lose

I know

 

[karmacita901]

Real shit, the only way out of a hole like this is to look pretty so people will actually feel better when u give them the blank stare of convo death.

That's why this website exists after all

 

[incel13]

View attachment 3890416
Having autism sucks, but at least you're alive.

Well existing as a ND subhuman is worse than death ngl

 

[der_komische]

kys then cause I think its amazing not being a brain-dead normalfag

 

[ethionormie]

Normies cope with everything by lying to themselves and manipulating the people around them to believe their lies so they don't feel suicidal, every great musicians autistic because music is real and autists are real niggas, normies look up to their autistic/different influences because it makes them feel like they are cool and different but once they realize that they are drones with no kind of person or dignity they look out to make sure that every1 that is different never realize how much real and human they are.

 

[VrillFatNoob24]

I Hate Being Autistic, and I Hate Myself for It

I don’t just hate being autistic.
I hate me.

I hate the way I talk — too fast, too much, too awkward. I hear myself speak and want to punch a wall. I see people’s eyes glaze over when I ramble, and I know I’ve lost them, again. I can’t stop, though. I never know when enough is enough. I don’t know how to be normal, and honestly? I don’t even know what “normal” is. All I know is that I’m not it.

I hate the way I freeze up in conversations, the way my body stiffens and my brain shuts down when things get too loud, too bright, too everything. I hate that I have to mentally prepare for basic stuff — going to a store, answering the phone, existing.

And the worst part? I know people are annoyed by me. I can feel it — even if they don’t say it. Every fake laugh, every “uh-huh,” every excuse to walk away... it all adds up. I’m not stupid. I know I make people uncomfortable. I’m the awkward one. The weird one. The one who says too much or too little or the wrong thing altogether.

And so I’ve started to hate my own presence. I ruin the mood. I ruin the silence. I ruin myself.

I watch people just be. And I wonder what it’s like to not constantly be performing. Because that’s all I do. I mask, I script, I fake reactions I don’t feel so that people won’t leave me. But they leave anyway. Because eventually the mask cracks, and what’s underneath isn’t something anyone wants to stick around for.

I know I’m a burden. I know I exhaust people. I know I take up too much space or not enough, never the right kind.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear not in a dramatic, crying-for-help way. I mean it quietly. Peacefully. Like if I just faded out of everyone’s life, things would get easier for them. Maybe for me
too.
I see the posts “Autism is a superpower,” “Neurodivergent and proud” and I want to scream. This doesn’t feel like a superpower. This feels like a punishment. Like I was built wrong and now I’m just supposed to be okay with that.

But I’m not okay.

I’m tired of pretending that I am.
I’m tired of trying to love a version of me that never felt lovable in the first place.
I’m tired of me.

I hate that this is how I exist. I hate how trapped I feel in my own head. I hate that no matter how much I try to explain, people still don’t get it. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be.
But I am.
And that’s the hardest part.
Sorry if this is a little long you dont even have to read everything i just had get if off my chest

just stay quiet and talk only shen approached theory

 

[buddy]

brutal

 

[ethionormie]

Normies cope with everything by lying to themselves and manipulating the people around them to believe their lies so they don't feel suicidal, every great musicians autistic because music is real and autists are real niggas, normies look up to their autistic/different influences because it makes them feel like they are cool and different but once they realize that they are drones with no kind of person or dignity they look out to make sure that every1 that is different never realize how much real and human they are.

This is autistic people too you have to learn to forgive and forget by letting yourself live and not bound yourself to living in eternal regret keep asking yourself why questions

 

[ethionormie]

Normies cope with everything by lying to themselves and manipulating the people around them to believe their lies so they don't feel suicidal, every great musicians autistic because music is real and autists are real niggas, normies look up to their autistic/different influences because it makes them feel like they are cool and different but once they realize that they are drones with no kind of person or dignity they look out to make sure that every1 that is different never realize how much real and human they are.

TLDR this is about you too

 

[sillybilly]

I Hate Being Autistic, and I Hate Myself for It

I don’t just hate being autistic.
I hate me.

I hate the way I talk — too fast, too much, too awkward. I hear myself speak and want to punch a wall. I see people’s eyes glaze over when I ramble, and I know I’ve lost them, again. I can’t stop, though. I never know when enough is enough. I don’t know how to be normal, and honestly? I don’t even know what “normal” is. All I know is that I’m not it.

I hate the way I freeze up in conversations, the way my body stiffens and my brain shuts down when things get too loud, too bright, too everything. I hate that I have to mentally prepare for basic stuff — going to a store, answering the phone, existing.

And the worst part? I know people are annoyed by me. I can feel it — even if they don’t say it. Every fake laugh, every “uh-huh,” every excuse to walk away... it all adds up. I’m not stupid. I know I make people uncomfortable. I’m the awkward one. The weird one. The one who says too much or too little or the wrong thing altogether.

And so I’ve started to hate my own presence. I ruin the mood. I ruin the silence. I ruin myself.

I watch people just be. And I wonder what it’s like to not constantly be performing. Because that’s all I do. I mask, I script, I fake reactions I don’t feel so that people won’t leave me. But they leave anyway. Because eventually the mask cracks, and what’s underneath isn’t something anyone wants to stick around for.

I know I’m a burden. I know I exhaust people. I know I take up too much space or not enough, never the right kind.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear not in a dramatic, crying-for-help way. I mean it quietly. Peacefully. Like if I just faded out of everyone’s life, things would get easier for them. Maybe for me
too.
I see the posts “Autism is a superpower,” “Neurodivergent and proud” and I want to scream. This doesn’t feel like a superpower. This feels like a punishment. Like I was built wrong and now I’m just supposed to be okay with that.

But I’m not okay.

I’m tired of pretending that I am.
I’m tired of trying to love a version of me that never felt lovable in the first place.
I’m tired of me.

I hate that this is how I exist. I hate how trapped I feel in my own head. I hate that no matter how much I try to explain, people still don’t get it. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be.
But I am.
And that’s the hardest part.
Sorry if this is a little long you dont even have to read everything i just had get if off my chest

can i get a shoutout in ur manifesto?

 

[ozuhdm]

lefort + bimax + test + rhino, and youre not autistic anymore

 

[Greforian]

Autism is a blessing in disguise every great person is atleast a bit autistic

 

[gimmedatacc]

I Hate Being Autistic, and I Hate Myself for It

I don’t just hate being autistic.
I hate me.

I hate the way I talk — too fast, too much, too awkward. I hear myself speak and want to punch a wall. I see people’s eyes glaze over when I ramble, and I know I’ve lost them, again. I can’t stop, though. I never know when enough is enough. I don’t know how to be normal, and honestly? I don’t even know what “normal” is. All I know is that I’m not it.

I hate the way I freeze up in conversations, the way my body stiffens and my brain shuts down when things get too loud, too bright, too everything. I hate that I have to mentally prepare for basic stuff — going to a store, answering the phone, existing.

And the worst part? I know people are annoyed by me. I can feel it — even if they don’t say it. Every fake laugh, every “uh-huh,” every excuse to walk away... it all adds up. I’m not stupid. I know I make people uncomfortable. I’m the awkward one. The weird one. The one who says too much or too little or the wrong thing altogether.

And so I’ve started to hate my own presence. I ruin the mood. I ruin the silence. I ruin myself.

I watch people just be. And I wonder what it’s like to not constantly be performing. Because that’s all I do. I mask, I script, I fake reactions I don’t feel so that people won’t leave me. But they leave anyway. Because eventually the mask cracks, and what’s underneath isn’t something anyone wants to stick around for.

I know I’m a burden. I know I exhaust people. I know I take up too much space or not enough, never the right kind.

Sometimes I wish I could disappear not in a dramatic, crying-for-help way. I mean it quietly. Peacefully. Like if I just faded out of everyone’s life, things would get easier for them. Maybe for me
too.
I see the posts “Autism is a superpower,” “Neurodivergent and proud” and I want to scream. This doesn’t feel like a superpower. This feels like a punishment. Like I was built wrong and now I’m just supposed to be okay with that.

But I’m not okay.

I’m tired of pretending that I am.
I’m tired of trying to love a version of me that never felt lovable in the first place.
I’m tired of me.

I hate that this is how I exist. I hate how trapped I feel in my own head. I hate that no matter how much I try to explain, people still don’t get it. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be.
But I am.
And that’s the hardest part.
Sorry if this is a little long you dont even have to read everything i just had get if off my chest

you'll always be a retarded freak, you don't register as human to normies. thats just your fate as an autist. nothing you can do about it. just accept what you are and make the best out of it. (I can say this to you because I'm one myself)

 

[Klasik616]

You're actually autistic, I'm socially retarded but not autistic

 

[superpsycho]

You're actually autistic, I'm socially retarded but not autistic

You're actually autistic, I'm socially retarded but not autistic

autism adjacent

 

[incel13]

you'll always be a retarded freak, you don't register as human to normies. thats just your fate as an autist. nothing you can do about it. just accept what you are and make the best out of it. (I can say this to you because I'm one myself)

Thanks twin