ronnified
Merely one individual among many GREYS
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2025
- Posts
- 94
- Reputation
- 116
"Blackpill isnt real" then why did they point out my overjet teeth, why do they always point out my skin colour and ethnicity, why do they always point out my cranial frontal area and forehead, why do they point out when i was skinny(i am currently and was fat before) and when i was fat? why did they do all of this when i was young. I deserved a happy childhood i always was emphatic i always wished best to the people do tho i have not been perfect and may have hurt other ones but i would do it subsconsciously without thinking and wouldnt advocate for bullying and point out anything likewise. Why was it when i was 6 i in kindergarten i never got to play with the other kids because they always cut me out and didnt want me and i was always crying in the corners of the kindergarten, when i was 7 i moved to to the capital city of where i am living and life got a little better but it was still brutal. I did find some friends but i was always the joke of the group and to be honest i was labelled as the ugliest person on the group one time on a group when i was 10 but i chose to ignore it and the friends didnt speak of it and it kinda became an unspoken thing, only emphatic thing my friends have ever done and it sounds cruel. Why when i thought having a hobby would be a cope and started playing football would be a scapegoat likewise but no i constantly got reminded and reminded( i started football at 10). i became 11 in search for love as all my friends have had them at one point. I was unsuccesful and unlucky but i thought my time will come as years ahead of me which gave me hope. Past those 2 years till 13 where horrible until 2022 september-2023 August came. I would kill to relive these moments. It was when i finally got better at football and got called to play at games numerous time until i got promoted to a better team and my first time having a talking stage with a girl. She had blue eyes, curly hair, a big nose that she hated that i loved, always had red cheeks and a forehead to kiss on. She was a palestine girl a levantine arab. She was a girl that truly didnt care how i looked or thats what i think lol im maybe delusional but i think she was attracted to me, when i was 13 i did have a babyface with braces.We talked for 2 months January till March, somehow without asking out eachother we got togehter, maybe it was the flirty videos that i watch every once in a month to remind myself that this is what you cannot find anymore even though you try it. This is the month which i wouldnt never go back to. It was august when she bought a new iphone, and we talked as usual and exchanged love and so on. The old phone she left to was her little sister (brutal iq pill incoming) which had her icloud photos and snapchat she forgot to delete. The little sister didnt know what to do when she saw all those messages and so on so she gave it to her mother and father. It was the reason as why she didnt answer to me for a whole night and it was hard to sleep that night as but eventually i did, i wish i didnt pick up the phone that day but i was bound to look at it for a bit regardless. A message from her and my mind is racing "what could it be", "she cannot answer to me a whole night without a reason" and then i opened the chat and i see a text saying"im sorry but we need to break up". I dont want to go into details as i am going into tears while writing this. We still ended up on good terms but i felt the worst at that time. I picked up an injury at football right at the academy tryouts. Its when i shattered and felt true despair for the first time in my life regardless of how ugly i looked. My confidence scattered aswell and i didnt like doing anything, not even going to the daily showers that i always took. Its when i started smoking cigarettes and started vaping and smoking weed aswell at the early age of 13(worst mistake of my life as it stunted everything in my life). I slowly started integrating myself into "hood life" and a guy took advantage of me at the age of 14 in summer. It was a guy that i knew for 8 years and he was a drug dealer and i was desperate for quick money but that wasnt what he made me do. I started selling for him unknowingly and thought all the money was shared equally but he manipulated me to trust the process and lets stack the money. I thought i was assenting with him but no it wasnt a yes or no he would have done it regardless and i didnt have any power to stop it but as bad as it sounds i still worked for him, i occasionally got money from him to buy food for myself and even got enough money to buy shoes but compared to what he bought, he dripped out on 4K worth of clothes right infront of me. Later one he mindfucked me into going into debt by setting me up to sell to some "unknown guys" that actually where his friends. I was selling 400g of speed to him but they stole it from me and now i was in 6K debt and had to work for the guy tirelessly for 3 months without getting any money into my pockets. It was brutal. I was later labelled as a runner boy or a errand boy which was ropefuel but i started making my own money and finally wasnt a runner boy and gained a bit of a reputation at january 2025 but i stopped because my father caught me in the act trying to hide the stuff. My father (not actually my father he is my step father but i will just call him father) also manipulated me by saying lend me 300 euros i will give it back to you, it was believable because he bought my trust and he was a working man. But he never gave it back and i feared if i ask the money from him he will tell my mother which built anger towards him. I still hate him. In the summer of 2025 is when i finally was happy again after 2 yearsof torment and despair. I made money again and lied that i stopped doing it and for the whole summer i was happy and got 1.5K to my name which i bought clothes with and a lot of other things my money was all spent in the span of 1month since i knew somehow i will be caught. I stopped selling drugs because i finally reached m goal. I was happy until i discovered bp (the bright side of it) i mean i didnt actually discover it, it was just that my tiktok foryoupage started getting flooded with bp edits and ascension guides. I thought to myself "why dont you give this a try". I was on the looksmaxxing side of tiktok and started going to the gym buying skincare and started frauding thinking this will help me become more attractive and find somebody again. It was until november 2025 i went down the rabbit hole and it was then that i knew it was over for me. I started ldaring and stopped going to the shower and i have had my hoodie on for the past 3 months just to hide my face a bit and i ruined my hair, i have a bad acne, and i stopped washing my teeth properly and now just wash it once in the morning. I even stopped going to the gym because i have a feeling that the people that look at my face are now cursed. It has gotten to a point i have developed a sense that i know when you are looking at me and when you feel disgust without even looking at your direction. I constantly get reminded at school that i look ugly and even have nicknames to parts of my face which is the number 1 add on to my ropefuel. I constantly get ridiculed at home for being a lazyjob and a disgrace which is correct but do you really have to tell me that while i am in my comfort zone. I dont know where i am safe.But my ascension is inevitable once winter ends and i get out of my comfort zone i will ascend
(english isnt my first language by the way)
(english isnt my first language by the way)
