I hate my brain chemistry

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I have the worst brain chemistry in the world

My mental state is reminiscent of a rabid slum dog surviving off of pity scraps and roadkill

Not because he needs to but because it’s all that he knows

It’s so bad that it’s like I live inside my head instead of outside

Like most people perceive the world they’re able to turn their focus out of their body into their external to become a moving part of it

But meanwhile I concentrate everything infinitely inward so deeply that I don’t live in reality I just live in myself

Time has become a black hole to me utterly void of experiences

I can tell where things should be instead there’s just nothing in their place

And in turn I am nothing

I hate this shit man I’m sick of this shit

I was also raised by an angry overbearing controlling somewhat neurotic father and a neglecting overly permissive mother who never put any accountability or urgency in me so all these issues compounded over themselves through my childhood as I got brutalized between 2 extremes

I think there is no help for someone like me sometimes because on top of all this because I’m neurodivergent and ugly there is no understanding or mercy extended to me or my struggles, only a quick harshness from the world

I need a brain transplant

 

[Prøphet]

@miserycel @soapbubble @tansel dont give me advice I’ll just put it in my head where it’s convenient and comfortable for me nothing will actually happen nothing will change nothing has changed it’s been a decade