stacykiller
it’s never enough #858
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2025
- Posts
- 729
- Reputation
- 590
it’s been long time since since i posted something there and i don’t really know whether i should continue. what all started as an interesting journey, ended as a complete disaster. i met a lot of people there and i do not regret spending some time with them. i really wish i had joined .org when i first found about it not at the time it became complete mainstream. i waisted so much time when i could have joined during puberty and picked up some tips that could actually help me back in the time. but i was such a fucking scared pussy. and nothing fucking changed. except now i wasted years of my life coping and missed countless hours i could spend with people there before LM went mainstream. i’ve talked to many known guys and i genuinely feel sad because if i took action earlier and joined earlier and actually made something i would be able to talk to them more like friends and actually stand out, be something valuable, but now i talk to them like a fan even though im not interested in them as a “tool” for ascension, i just want to spend some time with them. i hate myself so fucking much i can’t even express it in words. the rabbit hole is actually crazy, i remember how a guy told me about simva and fluva and used some terms that i thought was very smart back then like osteobstats, TGF-β, BMP-2, but now i realize that’s it literally the top of the iceberg. and i decided that i want to be like him in this topic, and there it fucking started, i started to read researches, ask this guy more about pharmacology, met another dude i love asking about medicine and its mechanism of action and so on and so on. i am such a waste as a person, i can not achieve something valuable in life. I WISH all my problems were just like high bf, bloat and physique. who fucking knew that my base has like the worst features it could have ever had, and i’m not even kidding. now i have to spend days researching and finding some research WNT/β-catenin activators which won’t even fucking help. because nothing will help, my life is a fucking joke and i feel like my fate was predetermined. someone knew that deep down i will always be a failure and won’t achieve anything and continued giving me hopes. I’m am such a pointless creation, all my life i was doing some useless shit, and probably also doing it now. i hate people around me so much i genuinely want to kill myself, nothing in me feels right and probably will never be right. i can’t even talk to my parents normally because whenever they start talking about success and plans for future i just imagine myself hanging on a rope because that’s the only possible future for me. I became so insecure and depressed deep down that i don’t even mention half of my nt hobbies to people because i realize that probably those hobbies also impacted on what i achieved in life. last couple weeks i see no point in living to be honest, everything ragebaits me so fucking hard and everyone are so chill and happy laughing because they haven’t got any idea how it feels being like this writing this fucking complaint to god or i don’t know who i am addressing this to. i always feel tired, i just have no time and im planning to quit from all of my nt hobbies because i stopped seeing the point in this if i cant even get opportunities from them. the worst part is, non of you guys will take this seriously or you will just tell me to rope and kill myself and that’s a valid advice ngl. but deep down i understand that it’s all my fault and i don’t even know what’s changeable now. i don’t know how to end this post of pure rage and despair but probably im gonna end it right here. wish you best guys, and probably you could wish me best too
