I have no life outside of looksmaxing

[ZyzzBrah]

Im 24, I work a 9 to 5, almost all of the money I make is sent towards my savings account for surgery (trimax and canthoplasty) and running my steroid cycles + bloodwork panels. I am extremely frugal with my money and hate spending it unless its for looksmaxing purposes (spending $100+/month for 2.5mg dutasteride alone btw)



Since graduating uni and getting employed, I stopped hanging out with friends or doing anything that isnt conducive to my looksmaxing goals, im either at work (sometimes working overtime), at the gym training my ass off, getting my meals in or doing cardio so the roids dont kill me. I bought a treadmill so I can jog at home without having to go outside and be judged for my recessions.



Even my attitude at the gym changed, I started training in 2019 and stayed natty until 2-3 months ago when I hopped on, when I was natty I was the gym socialiser, I was talking to literally everyone lmao. Where as now, I train hard as fuck, and I literally dont talk to anyone, nor do I want too, I have literally zero interest. I legit have yet to make a single friend at the new gym that I train at and I plan to keep it that way.



I have been living like this for 3 months now and I honestly love it despite how aspie it is. From ages 19 until 22/23 I tried coping with being a low MTN by being social and jestermaxing, but it was a complete fucking waste of time, no matter how many friends and ig followers you have, youre not getting respected in society if youre sub HTN. This is despite being 6ft3 and jacked btw, proof height/physique is useless without a facecard.



I have many blackpills from my jestermaxing period but to summarize they all taught me that the biggest hurdle in life stopping me from being a slayer was my facial flaws, no amount of game and personality witt/charisma is saving a retruded maxilla and nct. The funny thing is I was one of the wittiest/funniest guys in my friend group and social circles.



Now that im employed, I just dont see the point doing anything that doesn't help me ascend one way or another, whether that be wageslaving overtime, workout out, pinning roids, taking tret and other anti aging supps etc. I literally dont leave my house except for work or gym, and I barely talk to anyone either, its all a distraction to me.



Whats crazy is i wasnt like this before like i said lol, ive been in 2 relationships and I was part of a few friends groups who id usually go out to eat with every weekend or go over to watch movies, im literally un recognizable. I stopped responded to text messages from all my friends and completely vanished out of their lives, with zero explanation either (they were kind of dickheads tbh)



I literally dont see the point of living if im not beautiful, genuinely. The amount of societal praise and worship good looking people get is so unfair, worshipped for existing, go read the comments women leave on thirst trap pages, who wouldnt want that?? I have essentially accepted putting my entire life on pause until I ascend. My parents genuinely think im crazy but I dont care, they are bluepulled asf.



Is there anyone else who can relate or is this too aspie for this forum and I should move to .is? Lmao

 

[inversions]

I should move to .is?

ive been in 2 relationships

You can't

 

[Ceoptism]

if thats your goal no reason to stop working towards it if thats what your motivation is for, but consider big picture, you'll still need some concept of self to live your life, so don't put every last egg into the self improvement basket for the rest of your life, but for the time being its understandable.

 

[ZyzzBrah]

if thats your goal no reason to stop working towards it if thats what your motivation is for, but consider big picture, you'll still need some concept of self to live your life, so don't put every last egg into the self improvement basket for the rest of your life, but for the time being its understandable.

Yea im definitely not gonna be like this forever, but for the next 2 - 3 years this is how I want to be.

Its like a mental block, I just dont wanna interact with society anymore until I ascend, ive been hurt way to many times.

 

[Ceoptism]

Interact as you see fit, but remember you can't start socially from nothing, ideally you have a stepping stone so no need to cut off everyone, but keeping it surface level with everybody you interact with isn't a problem short term if it doesn't align with your goals. Don't isolate entirely from your parents thats a bad idea, but work on your goals, and if they can't understand that, you likely can't make them understand. Asking for help on this forum about emotions and values will gain you nothing you won't get real answers, so create a stronger sense of self to consult rather than external help and biased advice from others