Nazi Germany
Zubeer Adolf Hipster(One testicle with Micropenis)
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2024
- Posts
- 1,791
- Reputation
- 5,206
Written 2 months ago.
I have on testicle and
I mean it in the way that when your body is fundamentally lopsided when you're carrying around this permanent reminder that something is missing or was taken or never developed properly it changes how you move through the world and I'm not talking about compensation patterns or gait alterations I'm talking about the constant background hum of awareness that you are incomplete in a way that most people aren't.
Every single day there's this moment where you remember and it doesn't matter if you're in the shower or getting dressed or just sitting there doing nothing the realization hits again like the first time and your hand goes down to check even though you know what you're going to find or not find and that repetitive confirmation of absence that daily accounting of what's there and what isn't it does something to your neural pathways it creates these loops of verification that never quite resolve.
The endocrine system doesn't care about your feelings about symmetry or completion it just keeps trying to maintain homeostasis with half the testosterone production capacity and sure the remaining one compensates it hypertrophies it works overtime but there's always this sense that you're running on a backup generator that the primary system failed and now you're making do and your body knows it even if the blood work comes back normal even if everything functions the way it's supposed to.
L it hangs there empty or partially empty depending on whether they left the epididymis or took everything and that emptiness has weight somehow it has presence the absence becomes a thing unto itself and you're aware of it constantly the way your tongue is aware of a missing tooth except this is deeper this is more central this is tied to every concept of masculinity and virility and completeness that society has ever impressed upon you.
The testosterone fluctuations even minor ones even within normal range create these subtle shifts in mood and energy and cognition that you can't quite pin down because they're not dramatic enough to be obvious but they're there like static on a radio station that's almost coming in clear but not quite and you spend all this time trying to figure out if what you're feeling is real or if you're imagining it if the fatigue is just fatigue or if it's hormonal if the irritability is situational or biochemical.
Nobody prepares you for the phantom sensation the way your nervous system still registers input from tissue that isn't there anymore the way you can still feel it sometimes especially in moments of arousal or stress and the brain is so stubborn about updating its body map that it just keeps sending signals to a region that no longer exists and receiving nothing back and that disconnect that neurological confusion it's maddening in ways that are hard to articulate.
The cremasteric reflex on one side operates normally and on the other there's nothing to retract nothing to pull up in response to cold or fear and that unilateral response that one-sided protection mechanism i
The psychological weight is heavier than the physical absence because society has decided that testicles equal manhood in some fundamental way and losing one or being born without one creates this weird liminal space where you're not quite deficient enough for it to be obvious but you're not quite whole either and that in-between state that partial incompleteness it messes with your sense of self in ways that accumulate over time.
And the medical establishment treats it like it's no big deal like as long as the remaining one functions everything is fine but function isn't the same as wholeness and nobody wants to acknowledge that there's a grief process here a mourning for symmetry for completeness for the body you thought you had or should have had and that grief doesn't have a timeline it doesn't have stages it just exists in this constant low-level way.
The fertility implications are always there in the background even if the remaining testicle produces adequate sperm even if everything tests normal there's always this nagging concern that you're operating at reduced capacity that you have less margin for error less redundancy and evolution built in redundancy for a reason and now you're down to a single point of failure and that vulnerability that biological precariousness it's always lurking.
The scar tissue if there is any creates these weird internal sensations these tugging feelings or pressure that doesn't quite register as pain but isn't comfortable either and your nervous system can't decide how to interpret these signals so they just exist as this ongoing ambiguous input that your brain has to constantly process and file away and it's exhausting in a way that's hard to explain to someone who doesn't live with chronic ambiguous sensation.
The thermoregulation is different because the scrotum is designed to maintain a specific temperature range for optimal spermatogenesis and when there's only one testicle the whole system has to recalibrate and you become weirdly sensitive to temperature changes weirdly aware of positioning and elevation and anything that might compromise the remaining one because you don't have a backup you don't have insurance.
@Norm Macdonald
I have on testicle and
I mean it in the way that when your body is fundamentally lopsided when you're carrying around this permanent reminder that something is missing or was taken or never developed properly it changes how you move through the world and I'm not talking about compensation patterns or gait alterations I'm talking about the constant background hum of awareness that you are incomplete in a way that most people aren't.
Every single day there's this moment where you remember and it doesn't matter if you're in the shower or getting dressed or just sitting there doing nothing the realization hits again like the first time and your hand goes down to check even though you know what you're going to find or not find and that repetitive confirmation of absence that daily accounting of what's there and what isn't it does something to your neural pathways it creates these loops of verification that never quite resolve.
The endocrine system doesn't care about your feelings about symmetry or completion it just keeps trying to maintain homeostasis with half the testosterone production capacity and sure the remaining one compensates it hypertrophies it works overtime but there's always this sense that you're running on a backup generator that the primary system failed and now you're making do and your body knows it even if the blood work comes back normal even if everything functions the way it's supposed to.
L it hangs there empty or partially empty depending on whether they left the epididymis or took everything and that emptiness has weight somehow it has presence the absence becomes a thing unto itself and you're aware of it constantly the way your tongue is aware of a missing tooth except this is deeper this is more central this is tied to every concept of masculinity and virility and completeness that society has ever impressed upon you.
The testosterone fluctuations even minor ones even within normal range create these subtle shifts in mood and energy and cognition that you can't quite pin down because they're not dramatic enough to be obvious but they're there like static on a radio station that's almost coming in clear but not quite and you spend all this time trying to figure out if what you're feeling is real or if you're imagining it if the fatigue is just fatigue or if it's hormonal if the irritability is situational or biochemical.
Nobody prepares you for the phantom sensation the way your nervous system still registers input from tissue that isn't there anymore the way you can still feel it sometimes especially in moments of arousal or stress and the brain is so stubborn about updating its body map that it just keeps sending signals to a region that no longer exists and receiving nothing back and that disconnect that neurological confusion it's maddening in ways that are hard to articulate.
The cremasteric reflex on one side operates normally and on the other there's nothing to retract nothing to pull up in response to cold or fear and that unilateral response that one-sided protection mechanism i
The psychological weight is heavier than the physical absence because society has decided that testicles equal manhood in some fundamental way and losing one or being born without one creates this weird liminal space where you're not quite deficient enough for it to be obvious but you're not quite whole either and that in-between state that partial incompleteness it messes with your sense of self in ways that accumulate over time.
And the medical establishment treats it like it's no big deal like as long as the remaining one functions everything is fine but function isn't the same as wholeness and nobody wants to acknowledge that there's a grief process here a mourning for symmetry for completeness for the body you thought you had or should have had and that grief doesn't have a timeline it doesn't have stages it just exists in this constant low-level way.
The fertility implications are always there in the background even if the remaining testicle produces adequate sperm even if everything tests normal there's always this nagging concern that you're operating at reduced capacity that you have less margin for error less redundancy and evolution built in redundancy for a reason and now you're down to a single point of failure and that vulnerability that biological precariousness it's always lurking.
The scar tissue if there is any creates these weird internal sensations these tugging feelings or pressure that doesn't quite register as pain but isn't comfortable either and your nervous system can't decide how to interpret these signals so they just exist as this ongoing ambiguous input that your brain has to constantly process and file away and it's exhausting in a way that's hard to explain to someone who doesn't live with chronic ambiguous sensation.
The thermoregulation is different because the scrotum is designed to maintain a specific temperature range for optimal spermatogenesis and when there's only one testicle the whole system has to recalibrate and you become weirdly sensitive to temperature changes weirdly aware of positioning and elevation and anything that might compromise the remaining one because you don't have a backup you don't have insurance.
@Norm Macdonald
Last edited:
