BrendioEEE
Prophet
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2020
- Posts
- 32,077
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- 41,645
I never planned on addressing anything again on here, some people have asked me to do so, and I thought about it and I felt like it's only fair.
September 13th is the day my life changed forever, for the worse in a lot of ways I wont deny, but for the better in some others. A lot of things have happened, some of which you may know about, some of which you may not. There's a lot of things I can address, and there's a lot of things I cannot address because of promises I made to certain parties involved in all of this.
This post is for anyone that cares. Over the past year, but primarily over the past 6 months I have become a worse person. I started to lie, I became more angry and jaded, I indulged in things I never should have indulged in at the detriment of myself and others. I believed things that were wrong. All of this eventually lead to a suicide attempt and self-harm, but i'm not some exclusive victim here, I just wasn't a very strong man. Still aren't in a lot of ways, but I already made promises to many people that I wouldn't do anything like that ever again, and I wont, no matter how much I want to. I can't say there aren't things that wouldn't push me over the edge, I am only human after all, but those things would have to be much more extreme than anything I have gone through.
These past 2 weeks have made me realize a lot about myself and what I need to do in life. My main passion and drive in life is still to get Married and have kids, and I hope to do that with someone who truly loves me and values Marriage and Christianity as much as I do, I have saved up quite a lot of money over the years, and was hoping on using some of it for surgeries, I need 3 main surgeries for loose skin removal, gyno removal, and I believe one more for something related to the loose skin on my face. Possibly a face lift, I forget what it is exactly to tighten the skin on my face? The problem with this is that if I want all 3 of those surgeries, it will cost me between I believe 24-36k. On the low end of that price spectrum, that will just about eat up most of my savings, and on the higher end, I don't have enough.
I would much rather utilize my savings to get a home and start my life in a better part of America, but I will admit I am quite conflicted, especially because my main source of income is through reselling things online. I do have a job opportunity but it would require me to stay in California for much longer than i'd like to stay, and I originally planned on using my savings to buy a home next year, but because of everything that has happened, I don't see that happening, at least not when I planned on it happening.
I know some of you may find what i'm about to say cringe or cucked or bluepilled but I don't care. I should have never posted a lot of what I posted on here, whether it be my degeneracy megathreads, edgy jokes, etc. I should have never larped about anything, I should have never done anything period, I probably should have never even joined this site. This doesn't mean I don't value the friends I made here, but overall I have done more harm to myself, and my image, and my relationships by doing so. If I ever post on here again, it will likely be just to share a video I made, or something of that nature.
I have started to fast more extensively than I ever have in the past. Despite the past 2 weeks being the worst 2 weeks of my life, one blessing that I have gotten out of it, is the loss of my appetite. I have already lost more weight than usual during these 2 weeks, and even if my appetite comes back I don't plan on eating more than maybe 200-500 calories a day at most.
I have become more Christian, I have decided to pray a lot more. I still view Christianity the same as I viewed it before, but I do feel like I could take certain actions to act like a better Christian myself, such as not looking at 2D porn for instance, or anything of that nature, not taking any drugs or alcohol, not harming myself, caring more for others, etc. This doesn't mean I will let people walk over me.
Somewhat soon I will also be going on a vacation, domestically, with a friend of mine for a few weeks, to clear my mind, it's in more of a rural part of America and wont eat that much into my savings at all, I just feel like I need to be in a fresh environment for awhile to clear my mind. Now I will say this, the friend I am going on a vacation with is a girl, but this is not what it seems like, I have no intention to replace anyone, or do anything wrong. I already know how it would seem if I was so worried about being replaced and then I turn out to be the asshole who does that very thing.
This might come as a shock to some of you, and it may even come off as bluepilled, but I have changed my view on male and female friendship, especially over these past 2 weeks because there have been many men and women who have spoken to me to help and talk to me during this hard time, and I appreciate all of them.
Anyways one last thing which I think I already mentioned already but I have to mention again, there are certain people, and topics, and even things that happened, that I cannot address because of mutual promises I made. Not even privately, but certainly not publicly, if you want to try and prod and ask me about those things I simply will have to ignore you, and i'm sorry I have to be vague about that, but that is just the truth of this situation, believe me i'd love to talk about it, but there are things that I don't want happening because of these promises aswell, and I much more so value those things not happening, than me talking about anything just to relieve my stress, even if I view certain parties involved as being in danger in some cases and may be worried about their safety.
One last thing, and I doubt any of you would be willing to do this or truly care, but financially speaking it would help me quite a bit, the best and most secure way to help me would be through patreon, which is this https://www.patreon.com/BrendioEEE obviously I quite literally need thousands of dollars if I want to be able to get the surgeries I want and still be able to afford the home I want next year, but I know that is quite unrealistic to ask for, but any support helps truly, or maybe just feel free to donate a superchat or two whenever I do a livestream.
Tl;dr It's over, but i'm not giving up.
September 13th is the day my life changed forever, for the worse in a lot of ways I wont deny, but for the better in some others. A lot of things have happened, some of which you may know about, some of which you may not. There's a lot of things I can address, and there's a lot of things I cannot address because of promises I made to certain parties involved in all of this.
This post is for anyone that cares. Over the past year, but primarily over the past 6 months I have become a worse person. I started to lie, I became more angry and jaded, I indulged in things I never should have indulged in at the detriment of myself and others. I believed things that were wrong. All of this eventually lead to a suicide attempt and self-harm, but i'm not some exclusive victim here, I just wasn't a very strong man. Still aren't in a lot of ways, but I already made promises to many people that I wouldn't do anything like that ever again, and I wont, no matter how much I want to. I can't say there aren't things that wouldn't push me over the edge, I am only human after all, but those things would have to be much more extreme than anything I have gone through.
These past 2 weeks have made me realize a lot about myself and what I need to do in life. My main passion and drive in life is still to get Married and have kids, and I hope to do that with someone who truly loves me and values Marriage and Christianity as much as I do, I have saved up quite a lot of money over the years, and was hoping on using some of it for surgeries, I need 3 main surgeries for loose skin removal, gyno removal, and I believe one more for something related to the loose skin on my face. Possibly a face lift, I forget what it is exactly to tighten the skin on my face? The problem with this is that if I want all 3 of those surgeries, it will cost me between I believe 24-36k. On the low end of that price spectrum, that will just about eat up most of my savings, and on the higher end, I don't have enough.
I would much rather utilize my savings to get a home and start my life in a better part of America, but I will admit I am quite conflicted, especially because my main source of income is through reselling things online. I do have a job opportunity but it would require me to stay in California for much longer than i'd like to stay, and I originally planned on using my savings to buy a home next year, but because of everything that has happened, I don't see that happening, at least not when I planned on it happening.
I know some of you may find what i'm about to say cringe or cucked or bluepilled but I don't care. I should have never posted a lot of what I posted on here, whether it be my degeneracy megathreads, edgy jokes, etc. I should have never larped about anything, I should have never done anything period, I probably should have never even joined this site. This doesn't mean I don't value the friends I made here, but overall I have done more harm to myself, and my image, and my relationships by doing so. If I ever post on here again, it will likely be just to share a video I made, or something of that nature.
I have started to fast more extensively than I ever have in the past. Despite the past 2 weeks being the worst 2 weeks of my life, one blessing that I have gotten out of it, is the loss of my appetite. I have already lost more weight than usual during these 2 weeks, and even if my appetite comes back I don't plan on eating more than maybe 200-500 calories a day at most.
I have become more Christian, I have decided to pray a lot more. I still view Christianity the same as I viewed it before, but I do feel like I could take certain actions to act like a better Christian myself, such as not looking at 2D porn for instance, or anything of that nature, not taking any drugs or alcohol, not harming myself, caring more for others, etc. This doesn't mean I will let people walk over me.
Somewhat soon I will also be going on a vacation, domestically, with a friend of mine for a few weeks, to clear my mind, it's in more of a rural part of America and wont eat that much into my savings at all, I just feel like I need to be in a fresh environment for awhile to clear my mind. Now I will say this, the friend I am going on a vacation with is a girl, but this is not what it seems like, I have no intention to replace anyone, or do anything wrong. I already know how it would seem if I was so worried about being replaced and then I turn out to be the asshole who does that very thing.
This might come as a shock to some of you, and it may even come off as bluepilled, but I have changed my view on male and female friendship, especially over these past 2 weeks because there have been many men and women who have spoken to me to help and talk to me during this hard time, and I appreciate all of them.
Anyways one last thing which I think I already mentioned already but I have to mention again, there are certain people, and topics, and even things that happened, that I cannot address because of mutual promises I made. Not even privately, but certainly not publicly, if you want to try and prod and ask me about those things I simply will have to ignore you, and i'm sorry I have to be vague about that, but that is just the truth of this situation, believe me i'd love to talk about it, but there are things that I don't want happening because of these promises aswell, and I much more so value those things not happening, than me talking about anything just to relieve my stress, even if I view certain parties involved as being in danger in some cases and may be worried about their safety.
One last thing, and I doubt any of you would be willing to do this or truly care, but financially speaking it would help me quite a bit, the best and most secure way to help me would be through patreon, which is this https://www.patreon.com/BrendioEEE obviously I quite literally need thousands of dollars if I want to be able to get the surgeries I want and still be able to afford the home I want next year, but I know that is quite unrealistic to ask for, but any support helps truly, or maybe just feel free to donate a superchat or two whenever I do a livestream.
Tl;dr It's over, but i'm not giving up.
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