5'7" 3/4s
im a manlet with napoleon syndrome
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2025
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Growing up a LTN abused dog is brutal, I got shat on by every kid around me. If we are to start from the very beginning, I was one of those kids in middle school that did not give a fuck about anything. I was just in school to sleep during class and daydream about leveling up and creating new combos in my favorite Roblox Dragon Ball Z game(soy I know, great times though). The kids were IQ mogging me because of this, and ontop of being barely human(low tier normie), it made me a very easy target. Kids would call me stupid every single day because I would ask questions that were previously answered(because I genuinely did not pay attention to anything), once a russian MTB made fun of my ethnic lips and nose and told me a girl could never love me. Eventually I just resorted to jestering, because I wanted to fit in so bad, but it just made my situation way worse. These are some examples, but imagine bullying and teasing of this degree happening everyday for 3 years straight, it adds up over time and can be extremely detrimental to a persons well-being.
Anyways, my dad is trying to talk to me, because my mom told him I dropped all of my classes. I told him that although I was getting 90%+ marks on all my papers and tests, I still couldn't get through it. Because while I was studying in the library this week, the intrusive thoughts from my past just keep flooding in, ontop of the current state of myself, it just felt so over.. I couldn't ignore it, so I couldn't focus while studycelling. I've seen this pattern happen to me for the last 3 semesters, but I wouldn't withdraw from the classes because I kept coping thinking, "muh I'm gonna study hard this week!", and every time the study room just became a room in which those thoughts would come crashing down.
He told me this was bullshit, and I should have kept going to my classes, it's as if this guy has no empathy man. I don't understand why he can't place himself in my shoes, but this is exactly why I never once told him about anything that happened to me growing up. I tried telling him essentially everything I told you guys(without diving too deep into examples, which btw extended even into my high school years), and told me that it was all in my head.
It's so over, I went to the doctor to check my hormones today, to see if maybe its something wrong with me in that regard that's causing me to be such a pussy little bitch. Because I do feel as if most people can push through these things, but it constantly just feels so over for me. He told me the doctor was just going to upsell me like a car mechanic, that they were going to create problems out of thin air, but man I think I might be genuinely fucked in the head. Is he right? Is he just gaslighting me? I don't even know anymore man, I'm probably cooked.
Anyways, my dad is trying to talk to me, because my mom told him I dropped all of my classes. I told him that although I was getting 90%+ marks on all my papers and tests, I still couldn't get through it. Because while I was studying in the library this week, the intrusive thoughts from my past just keep flooding in, ontop of the current state of myself, it just felt so over.. I couldn't ignore it, so I couldn't focus while studycelling. I've seen this pattern happen to me for the last 3 semesters, but I wouldn't withdraw from the classes because I kept coping thinking, "muh I'm gonna study hard this week!", and every time the study room just became a room in which those thoughts would come crashing down.
He told me this was bullshit, and I should have kept going to my classes, it's as if this guy has no empathy man. I don't understand why he can't place himself in my shoes, but this is exactly why I never once told him about anything that happened to me growing up. I tried telling him essentially everything I told you guys(without diving too deep into examples, which btw extended even into my high school years), and told me that it was all in my head.
It's so over, I went to the doctor to check my hormones today, to see if maybe its something wrong with me in that regard that's causing me to be such a pussy little bitch. Because I do feel as if most people can push through these things, but it constantly just feels so over for me. He told me the doctor was just going to upsell me like a car mechanic, that they were going to create problems out of thin air, but man I think I might be genuinely fucked in the head. Is he right? Is he just gaslighting me? I don't even know anymore man, I'm probably cooked.
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