ElySioNs
Mercenary
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2021
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I (15F) lost my virginity a few days ago, i lost it to my best friend (17M), he said if he didn't lose his virginity before he turned 18 he might kill himself, he begged and vented to me about how he would do it, after a bit he asked if I could help him, I didn't know how to react or what to say, I had known him since my freshman year, he was my closest friend we did practically everything together, the main reason we became quick close friends is because we both had mental issues and we comforted eachother, I knew he was depressed and everything but not to this point. I wasn't ready, and I didn't want to go through with this, but he begged me nonstop until I agreed. He had condoms and even lube already prepared, the whole time we did it I felt like crying since this was a huge deal to me, I didn't want to lose my best friend since I struggle to even talk to people in general, I have little friends and even in those friendships we don't talk much since we don't have much in common, he's the closet person I have at the moment since my parents aren't the best of people, so I don't have a good relationship with them. I don't know what to do, I can't even look at him in the eyes whenever I see him, today was the last day of school for us so I won't be seeing him as much thankfully, but we have already talked about doing things together this summer, but after this I think I'm just gonna distance myself from him, im gonna be a junior next year and he's gonna be a senior I don't want to even talk to him, I feel sick whenever I think about what we did, I hate myself so much since I had always dreamed about losing it to someone I loved and not like this. I haven't really talked to him lately. I only respond when he messages me, but I don't really put much effort into the conversations I care for him and everything but this is so much for me to handle still, he acts as if nothing happened and I despise it
I dont know what to do anymore. I just feel nothing but regret and shame, im sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I am a mess right now emotionally and physically
Edit 1: Thank you so much for the support. All though it isn't a lot to some people to me, it really means more than I can express it, I am currently just trying to manage my feelings and see what I want to do going from here, im gonna try and ignore and ghost him for a while I'm gonna hope he loses interest in me since I don't think I can even talk to him right now, im not gonna say exactly why I don't want to talk to him since he might take it in a bad way. Thank you so much again, and I would reply to all the comments, but I feel like I would be repeating what I have already said more than once, haha. Also, just adding to this, I cried a little when I saw all the support it made me happy to see that people cared for me even if it's just a little bit of compassion from strangers online
Edit 2: From what you all have been saying i might call or text some of the online support lines and groups you guys are suggesting, I feel like it will help alot but I need some time to build the courage before I message them. Also, my ex friend now has reached out to me several times. I've been slowly hinting. I don't want to associate with him anymore, If he doesn't get the message I'm going to just tell it straight up to him. Now that I have given some time to think about our relationship I have noticed o how controlling he is with me, I don't want to go into further detail since it's uncomfortable but thus has been a pattern I haven't noticed till now, if I noticed much more sooner I could have prevented this but it's too late now sadly. I'll update once more if I tell him to never talk to me again, I'm scared but I'll probably have to do it
Edit 2.5: Also please do not dm me nsfw things, I've had 2 people ask for pictures, and say what worse things they would do to me, I know it's common decency not to do this but I feel like I have to say this. It's disgusting. im a minor, and it's a horrible thing to do, especially with the context, I am barely keeping together right now, even if it doesn't show from how I'm typing, I feel sick because of them.
I dont know what to do anymore. I just feel nothing but regret and shame, im sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I am a mess right now emotionally and physically
Edit 1: Thank you so much for the support. All though it isn't a lot to some people to me, it really means more than I can express it, I am currently just trying to manage my feelings and see what I want to do going from here, im gonna try and ignore and ghost him for a while I'm gonna hope he loses interest in me since I don't think I can even talk to him right now, im not gonna say exactly why I don't want to talk to him since he might take it in a bad way. Thank you so much again, and I would reply to all the comments, but I feel like I would be repeating what I have already said more than once, haha. Also, just adding to this, I cried a little when I saw all the support it made me happy to see that people cared for me even if it's just a little bit of compassion from strangers online
Edit 2: From what you all have been saying i might call or text some of the online support lines and groups you guys are suggesting, I feel like it will help alot but I need some time to build the courage before I message them. Also, my ex friend now has reached out to me several times. I've been slowly hinting. I don't want to associate with him anymore, If he doesn't get the message I'm going to just tell it straight up to him. Now that I have given some time to think about our relationship I have noticed o how controlling he is with me, I don't want to go into further detail since it's uncomfortable but thus has been a pattern I haven't noticed till now, if I noticed much more sooner I could have prevented this but it's too late now sadly. I'll update once more if I tell him to never talk to me again, I'm scared but I'll probably have to do it
Edit 2.5: Also please do not dm me nsfw things, I've had 2 people ask for pictures, and say what worse things they would do to me, I know it's common decency not to do this but I feel like I have to say this. It's disgusting. im a minor, and it's a horrible thing to do, especially with the context, I am barely keeping together right now, even if it doesn't show from how I'm typing, I feel sick because of them.
