GetShrekt
⠀ ⠀
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2019
- Posts
- 30,988
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Hear me out... I know some may scoff at this, but I've been scarred by a few incidents relating to girls in the past, plus I was raised in a very religious family as an only child...
My mind everyday that at times, consumed my brain to the point of becoming a nervous wreck in front of anyone, especially females. The irrational thoughts of "What if they found out?? Would I be laughed at? Ostracised?" plagued my mind daily.
I hated it.. I never thought I was someone that would only think about sex. I'm very much an affectionate person, and crave for a relationship with bucket loads of physical and emotional intimacy, both sexual and non-sexual. I never was a super confident person, but I could engage myself in a conversation well enough to hide my crippling social anxiety to most people. This definitely became worse in recent times... and it got to a point spanning a week where I'd just sit here at my computer not being able to do anything but stare at a blank screen and feel sorry for myself...
It was during this time I decided to join reddit... The first thing I searched for was "lonely", and found the a particular subreddit about being lonely. I'll spare you the details of my reading endeavours beyond that point.. but somehow, I stumbled upon a profile of a lovely woman whom, I later found out, was a sex worker. AND, after enquiring, found out she lived and worked only an hour away from where I lived!
I was stunned! I always assumed sex workers ran off of dodgy looking ads in newspapers or via word of mouth with the "right" people about other locations (i.e. brothels), so to find out that this lady operated from home, by her own accord, was just mind boggling to me!
What also stunned me, was that this person wasn't at all like how I perceived someone in this business to be. She actually had a heart... and actually listened and seemed to care about my plight.
Long story short, after scrounging around Facebook for a couple of days to find an event I could use as a cover to escape from the house for the day (yes, I still live at home, and no, I don't normally go out alone much, which makes it tough to avoid suspicions from a parent that strictly believes in "no sex before marriage", god that's such an archaic viewpoint!), I made my journey full of anxiousness and self doubt about this idea.. there's a lot that can go on in ones mind in even just an hour's drive. The walk to her door felt like an eternity!! My mind and stomach racing with a mixture of butterflies, self doubt, excitement and fear. Seeing the little marker she uses (a pentagram wreath) on her door suddenly made this all real!!! This was really about to happen!!
I took a second to compose myself before placing 3, adrenaline fuelled knocks on her door. This was it.. in a few seconds, I was finally going to meet the person who was going to hopefully shatter that debilitating stigma! I was not disappointed when that door opened! She was gorgeous! She was intimidating (not in a bad way, but that this was a person who knew her craft, and here's me, a complete greenhorn, stepping into her humble abode). She had this aura about her... one that had me completely stunned. I lost any bit of charm I thought I had and could only muster up a few sentences straight out of the small talk bible. After making the payment, she gave me a hug inside the door, which was something I'd requested, because I knew I'd be a nervous wreck. This exact moment was one of that I wish I could replay again, and again, and again...
I had no idea what to do after that... I felt awkward... I was anxious about how I must've been perceived by her... I was worried about getting caught after returning home... I was afraid of STD's, and especially catching something that's visible on your face, because I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it... She eventually gestured towards her bedroom, and after taking a seat on her bed, with her beside me, I froze... I could do nothing but stare at the floor and say "I don't know what to do, I'm a virgin" (she knew this already, as it was discussed a couple of weeks prior to this moment).
It didn't take me long to come back to my senses, and after which, it began. Kissing was the first order of the day, and honestly, this was one of my favourite parts. She caught me off guard by saying, "are you sure this is your first time??" That was like a jet engine strapped to a paper plane for my confidence... powerful, but incredibly fragile. After some caressing, it lead to the blowjob, which would have to be my second favourite thing about the experience. My god, does it feel fucking amazing!!
However, this is where that jet engine began to fizzle out... and that little paper aeroplane carrying my confidence started to plummet...
My anxiety and nerves completely took over my senses. All those insecurities that I felt after the hug, failed to leave my mind. This affected my ability to perform with any inkling of confidence. I fumbled around during the oral on her... and when it came time to actually try the penetrative side of things, I just couldn't keep it up for any longer than 30 seconds, and I couldn't actually feel anything with my penis (although I'm hoping next time to use a thin condom, the thick ones are just too thick to feel anything). I did question to myself in this moment if I was gay? lol, or if I'd become desensitized to feeling from too much masturbation.
We took a couple of breaks during this time, where things became intimate again, with some casual talk mixed in. I knew she was trying to make me relax, however, my mind couldn't break through that wall of worries from earlier.
It ended in me just flopping on the bed beside her after a failed missionary attempt and cussing at myself... I felt defeated, disappointed, annoyed, frustrated... scared.
We talked for a short while about other topics, which was a nice moment, as it helped to bring me back out of the pit of self loathing...When it was time to leave, I gave her another hug, and thanked her for agreeing to this and apologized for the lame performance on my part... she offered some reassuring words.. and then I left... feeling incredible, yet unsatisfied with myself. Needless to say, the drive to my cover destination was an interesting one... I had a 2 hour drive where much reflection was had. I knew where I'd went wrong...
It was nothing to do with her... honestly, she was fantastic! I couldn't have asked for a more understanding and awesome person to attempt this with... I already have plans to return soon and redeem myself. I have more of an understanding now of what to expect, and after discussing things after the fact later on that day, she is completely open to me returning. In fact, she's offered a slightly different and longer service for next time with the aim of helping to ease my anxiety, and help to make the experience feel a little more natural.
If I've learned anything from this, it's that I absolutely love the intimate portions of sex. (i.e. the foreplay, the kissing, the touching, the closeness etc). I've also learned the importance of going into it feeling relaxed, and confident. It's never going to work if I've got a billion other things on my mind. I'm looking forward to my next visit already, maybe I'm obsessing over it a little too much as I'm longing to redeem myself...
All in all, lets just say that after 1 day at work, the stigma is gone!! I've noticed that I've felt a little more confident... that V-card black dog can fuck off back to the woods now!
My opinion on sex workers has completely done a 180 degree turn after this experience. I know that not everyone in the business would be the same as her, but she's most certainly a role model for others in my opinion. So, I just want to write this as a thankyou...
A thankyou to her in particular (not going to name obviously, but if you're on this subreddit, mystery woman, you might be able to figure out this is about you)
..and, as a thankyou to all the sex workers out there who provide such a needed service for many in a way that's incredibly human, and wonderfully exhilarating! It might be the oldest profession in the book, but it certainly isn't at all easy considering what you have to put up with.
My mind everyday that at times, consumed my brain to the point of becoming a nervous wreck in front of anyone, especially females. The irrational thoughts of "What if they found out?? Would I be laughed at? Ostracised?" plagued my mind daily.
I hated it.. I never thought I was someone that would only think about sex. I'm very much an affectionate person, and crave for a relationship with bucket loads of physical and emotional intimacy, both sexual and non-sexual. I never was a super confident person, but I could engage myself in a conversation well enough to hide my crippling social anxiety to most people. This definitely became worse in recent times... and it got to a point spanning a week where I'd just sit here at my computer not being able to do anything but stare at a blank screen and feel sorry for myself...
It was during this time I decided to join reddit... The first thing I searched for was "lonely", and found the a particular subreddit about being lonely. I'll spare you the details of my reading endeavours beyond that point.. but somehow, I stumbled upon a profile of a lovely woman whom, I later found out, was a sex worker. AND, after enquiring, found out she lived and worked only an hour away from where I lived!
I was stunned! I always assumed sex workers ran off of dodgy looking ads in newspapers or via word of mouth with the "right" people about other locations (i.e. brothels), so to find out that this lady operated from home, by her own accord, was just mind boggling to me!
What also stunned me, was that this person wasn't at all like how I perceived someone in this business to be. She actually had a heart... and actually listened and seemed to care about my plight.
Long story short, after scrounging around Facebook for a couple of days to find an event I could use as a cover to escape from the house for the day (yes, I still live at home, and no, I don't normally go out alone much, which makes it tough to avoid suspicions from a parent that strictly believes in "no sex before marriage", god that's such an archaic viewpoint!), I made my journey full of anxiousness and self doubt about this idea.. there's a lot that can go on in ones mind in even just an hour's drive. The walk to her door felt like an eternity!! My mind and stomach racing with a mixture of butterflies, self doubt, excitement and fear. Seeing the little marker she uses (a pentagram wreath) on her door suddenly made this all real!!! This was really about to happen!!
I took a second to compose myself before placing 3, adrenaline fuelled knocks on her door. This was it.. in a few seconds, I was finally going to meet the person who was going to hopefully shatter that debilitating stigma! I was not disappointed when that door opened! She was gorgeous! She was intimidating (not in a bad way, but that this was a person who knew her craft, and here's me, a complete greenhorn, stepping into her humble abode). She had this aura about her... one that had me completely stunned. I lost any bit of charm I thought I had and could only muster up a few sentences straight out of the small talk bible. After making the payment, she gave me a hug inside the door, which was something I'd requested, because I knew I'd be a nervous wreck. This exact moment was one of that I wish I could replay again, and again, and again...
I had no idea what to do after that... I felt awkward... I was anxious about how I must've been perceived by her... I was worried about getting caught after returning home... I was afraid of STD's, and especially catching something that's visible on your face, because I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it... She eventually gestured towards her bedroom, and after taking a seat on her bed, with her beside me, I froze... I could do nothing but stare at the floor and say "I don't know what to do, I'm a virgin" (she knew this already, as it was discussed a couple of weeks prior to this moment).
It didn't take me long to come back to my senses, and after which, it began. Kissing was the first order of the day, and honestly, this was one of my favourite parts. She caught me off guard by saying, "are you sure this is your first time??" That was like a jet engine strapped to a paper plane for my confidence... powerful, but incredibly fragile. After some caressing, it lead to the blowjob, which would have to be my second favourite thing about the experience. My god, does it feel fucking amazing!!
However, this is where that jet engine began to fizzle out... and that little paper aeroplane carrying my confidence started to plummet...
My anxiety and nerves completely took over my senses. All those insecurities that I felt after the hug, failed to leave my mind. This affected my ability to perform with any inkling of confidence. I fumbled around during the oral on her... and when it came time to actually try the penetrative side of things, I just couldn't keep it up for any longer than 30 seconds, and I couldn't actually feel anything with my penis (although I'm hoping next time to use a thin condom, the thick ones are just too thick to feel anything). I did question to myself in this moment if I was gay? lol, or if I'd become desensitized to feeling from too much masturbation.
We took a couple of breaks during this time, where things became intimate again, with some casual talk mixed in. I knew she was trying to make me relax, however, my mind couldn't break through that wall of worries from earlier.
It ended in me just flopping on the bed beside her after a failed missionary attempt and cussing at myself... I felt defeated, disappointed, annoyed, frustrated... scared.
We talked for a short while about other topics, which was a nice moment, as it helped to bring me back out of the pit of self loathing...When it was time to leave, I gave her another hug, and thanked her for agreeing to this and apologized for the lame performance on my part... she offered some reassuring words.. and then I left... feeling incredible, yet unsatisfied with myself. Needless to say, the drive to my cover destination was an interesting one... I had a 2 hour drive where much reflection was had. I knew where I'd went wrong...
It was nothing to do with her... honestly, she was fantastic! I couldn't have asked for a more understanding and awesome person to attempt this with... I already have plans to return soon and redeem myself. I have more of an understanding now of what to expect, and after discussing things after the fact later on that day, she is completely open to me returning. In fact, she's offered a slightly different and longer service for next time with the aim of helping to ease my anxiety, and help to make the experience feel a little more natural.
If I've learned anything from this, it's that I absolutely love the intimate portions of sex. (i.e. the foreplay, the kissing, the touching, the closeness etc). I've also learned the importance of going into it feeling relaxed, and confident. It's never going to work if I've got a billion other things on my mind. I'm looking forward to my next visit already, maybe I'm obsessing over it a little too much as I'm longing to redeem myself...
All in all, lets just say that after 1 day at work, the stigma is gone!! I've noticed that I've felt a little more confident... that V-card black dog can fuck off back to the woods now!
My opinion on sex workers has completely done a 180 degree turn after this experience. I know that not everyone in the business would be the same as her, but she's most certainly a role model for others in my opinion. So, I just want to write this as a thankyou...
A thankyou to her in particular (not going to name obviously, but if you're on this subreddit, mystery woman, you might be able to figure out this is about you)
..and, as a thankyou to all the sex workers out there who provide such a needed service for many in a way that's incredibly human, and wonderfully exhilarating! It might be the oldest profession in the book, but it certainly isn't at all easy considering what you have to put up with.
